Surprising someone is always a risky endeavor.
Even when a surprise is planned with the best of intentions, there remains a more than likely chance that it could backfire badly.
Possibly even having the absolute opposite effect of what the surprise was intended to do.
The mother of Redditor fieldandfirelight’s boyfriend recently paid a surprise visit to their home.
A visit the original poster (OP) did not appreciate.
As a result, the OP decided against going down to greet her, choosing instead to stay in bed.
After being scolded by her boyfriend for doing so, the OP took to the subReddit “Am I The A**hole” (AITA), where she asked fellow Redditors:
“AITA for staying in bed while my boyfriend’s family surprise visits?”
The OP explained why she was feeling less than hospitable when her boyfriend’s mother recently paid a visit:
“My boyfriend and I were relaxing at home after a long day.”
“It was 10 pm and I was already in bed for a migraine.”
“It’s been a tough week for me because of D and C procedure I had after a very painful pregnancy and miscarriage.”
“My husband was also about to go to bed since he worked all day and was tired too.”
“He gets a surprise call from his mother, who said she was on her way to the house to give us something, and she’s with her sister.”
“My boyfriend became upset.”
“He told her that it wasn’t a good time as we are already in bed.”
“It’s not out of character for her to just do things so randomly and spur of the moment.”
“She’s not a planner and always sucks people into he chaos.”
“He’s frustrated because he knows I’m tired and not feeling well, and said, well, I really want you to meet my one aunt.”
“I said yeah, I would like to meet her too, but I don’t feel good, and it’s not my fault they decided to come.”
“So he gets upset and I assume it’s over his mom, and I try to calm him down by asking him to just entertain her for a little while, but to please keep the noise down and not smoke inside the house as it will just make my headache worse.”
“He then flips on me somewhere, and I’m the bad guy for not even saying hi.”
“So they come and they are loud.”
“The garage doors are going.”
“The dog is going.”
“I can’t sleep, and I’m getting really angry.”
“I called my husband when they were all in the basement under our bedroom and I said I appreciated her bringing us stuff, but it’s really late and I need to sleep.”
“Then this morning he’s ignoring me, and when I ask what’s wrong, he’s telling me I’m rude for not even saying hi to them when they came.”
“I think it was rude of them to show up so abruptly and to disregard how I’m feeling after what I’ve just been through.”
“Am I the a**hole for not saying hello?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation, by declaring:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You’re the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
The Reddit community resoundingly agreed that the OP was not the a**hole for staying in bed during her boyfriend’s mother’s visit.
Everyone agreed the OP’s boyfriend’s mother showed her no courtesy or consideration when she paid her visit, so the OP likewise had no need to show any to her:
“You’re NTA.”
“It’s rude AF to tell anyone that you are coming over without asking if it’s okay.”
“It’s major A-H orbit to do that at 10 pm.”
“Your bf needs to grow a… spine and learn to tell his mommy no.”- Dittoheadforever
“10 PM?”
“Unless it’s a life-threatening emergency, his mom has ZERO reason for showing up without warning.”
“You have a BF problem who’s not able to set boundaries, and tell her no.”
“NTA.”
“He needs to deal with his family.”- WholeAd2742
“Oh, honey – I’d’ve said ‘Hello’ all right – it would have been followed with ‘get the f**k out! Who do you think you are, showing up like this? I’ve just had a miscarriage, and you’re expecting entertainment? At 10 PM? GTFO’.”
“And I’d’ve said it to my partner if he said one damn word about me being rude.”
“Rudeness (theirs) doesn’t deserve a polite response.”
“NTA.”- tosser9212
“NTA.”
“BF needs to give a sh*t about you.”
“He also needs to learn how to say no to his family.”
“He also needs to stop sulking like a child because you refused to be pushed around by his family.”- 3bag
“NTA.”
“Who the hell visits at 10 pm?!?”
“And then to come anyway after being told it’s too late?!?”
“Your husband and his family are the AHs here.”- SamBartlett1776
“NTA, dropping by someone’s house at 10 pm, especially after they tell you it’s not a good time to do so, is super rude.”
“Even though you don’t need to have an excuse to ask folks not to come over, you had an excellent one.”- festivus
“NTA.”
“You were under no obligation to entertain guests.”
“In fact, your BF should have turned them away rather than turned on you.”- candycoatedcoward
“NTA and you have a bf problem.”
“First of all, he should have protected you from all this.”
“Secondly, ignoring you and criticizing you is so counterproductive and out of line. If this is how he’s going to be, do not have a child with him! Do not get married to him! He does not have your back.”
“He will sacrifice your well-being to the whims of his mother.”- ScarletNotThatOne
“NTA.”
“You just went through a whole ordeal, and they just come over, that’s not right at all.”- –RaNdOm-HuMaN-9652
“Absolutely positively NTA.”
“But, I’m curious.”
“What on earth were they bringing over at 10 pm?”- Uppercreek101
“So NTA.”
“That was way too late to stop by.”
“She should have been told no and ended it there.”
“You have a partner problem now because they won’t stop this rude behavior and now blame you!”- CSurvivor9
“NTA.”
“For so so so many reasons.”
“Your husband owes you the world’s biggest sincere apology.”
“His mother and sister owe you an apology, too.”
“And you should be able to ban unexpected visits from here onward.”- eowynsheiress
“NTA.”
“You can get rid of the whole rotten family by throwing away the useless boyfriend.”
“Problem solved.”- mycatsitslikeppl
“NTA.”
“I don’t think that folks understand that migraines aren’t just a bad headache.”
“They’re a complete neurological event.”
“I was out from work this past week with a three-day-long migraine and then postdrome headache on my first day off.”
“I used sick days because between the visual distortion, the nausea, the vomiting, and the sheer debilitating pain, I couldn’t focus on a computer screen.”
“I went to bed at weird hours, slept, didn’t sleep, and was generally miserable – despite being on two daily migraine meds, having a migraine abortive, and prescription pain meds.”
“It’s not, ‘Oh my head hurts’, it’s ‘I can’t function and my speech may not come out right because my brain physically hurts and I can’t think’.”
“It’s not like you claimed a sudden headache because you weren’t in the mood for sex and just didn’t want to explain that you weren’t feeling it.”
“You had a migraine and needed to be in a dark, quiet place so your body could recuperate and hopefully be functioning the next day.”
“Being well and able to go to work and be a contributing member of your team > meeting his aunt at 10pm.”- marigoldilocks_
“You’re in pain, he takes his family’s chaos out on you, and expects you to accommodate them following a significant trauma. Is this someone you want to remain in a relationship with?”
“Really?”
“NTA.”- LadyHawke17
“NTA.”
“Who drops in to visit at 10 pm?”
“Sounds like they planned to party a bit, which is insane considering everything you have just been through.”
“Sit your idiot bf down and tell him none of this was acceptable and that you won’t tolerate this kind of disrespect.”
“He needs to support you and back you up, or he can live with his mommy.”- Hefty-Equivalent6581
“NTA.”
“If someone showed up at my house at 10 pm and it wasn’t to give me a billion dollars, I would turn the hose on them.”- snazarella
“NTA.”
“Houseguests late at night are a firm ‘two yes’ situation.”- RickRussellTX
“NTA for staying in bed, but who the f**k decides to come over to visit at 10 pm!”
“And on top of that, they were purposely making noises just because you didn’t say hi to them.”
“Those are a**holes and so is the a**hole that let them in the house.”
“Hell, if you did that to me, I’d yell at everyone to get out, including whoever let them in.”-Rose_E_Rotten
Showing up unannounced at 10 pm likely wouldn’t go over well with anyone.
But showing up unannounced at 10 pm at the home of someone who just endured a physically and emotionally devastating ordeal is a very bold choice, to say the least.
If the OP’s boyfriend can’t see how unfair this whole situation was for the OP, then perhaps the OP might need to seriously consider whether staying in this relationship is a good idea.