Being a single parent comes with numerous challenges.
Without the backup support of a spouse or partner, single parents are solely responsible for the health, safety, and well-being of their child or children.
Making it very easy to feel overwhelmed or inadequate in certain departments, perhaps even needing to turn to others for help.
After getting divorced from his wife, Redditor aitacurlydaughter felt that he was letting his 3-year-old daughter down in a big way regarding an important part of her morning routine.
When this caught the attention of his daughter’s teacher, she subsequently offered her help in the matter, which the original poster (OP) was more than happy to accept.
However, when OP’s ex-wife learned that her daughter’s teacher was taking care of this matter, she made no effort to hide her anger.
Wondering if he had done anything wrong, the OP took to the subReddit “Am I The A**hole” (AITA), where he asked fellow Redditors:
“AITA for dropping my daughter off at daycare early so her teacher could do her hair?”
The OP explained how his willingness to accept help from his daughter’s teacher ended up putting him even further at odds with his ex-wife.
“I’m a newly divorced dad of a 3-year-old girl.”
“I have her every other week.”
“My daughter has very curly hair that my ex-wife used to take care of.”
“Now that I’m alone with her half the time, I have to figure it out.”
“I try, but on my weeks, her hair was mostly a frizzy, tangled mess.”
“A teacher at my daughter’s daycare has very similar hair to my daughter’s, so I asked if she could help me with my daughter’s hair.”
“She said she could do my daughter’s hair in the mornings if I dropped her off earlier.”
“Drop off starts at 8, I usually drop her off at 8:45, but her teacher says if I drop her off by 8:20, she’ll be able to take care of her hair.”
“She gave me a list of curly hair products to buy and what to bring to school.”
“She also gave me some tips for washing and caring for it at home.”
“I guess my daughter told my ex that her teacher does her hair, not me, and that she goes to daycare early now because my ex called me and asked if I really drop her off a half hour early every morning just so I could ‘avoid doing her hair.'”
“She called me a bad parent for ‘relying on a teacher to do my job’ and for messing up the morning routine so we could get to school early enough for the teacher to do her hair.”
“We used to wake up, give her a bath, I’d attempt to do her hair, we’d have breakfast, then go to school, but now we wake up, take a bath, and eat breakfast in the car.”
“I thought I was doing right by making sure her hair is cared for on my weeks, but my ex feels very strongly about this, so I wanted to know if I was the a**hole.”
“I am learning how to care for her hair.”
“Her hair is healthier now than it was a few weeks ago.”
“I have her hair down on the weekends because I still suck at styling it, but it still looks good.”
“The teacher really seems to enjoy doing her hair.”
“I know she does other kids’ hair, but it’s not exactly a set thing.”
“Lastly, my ex was not willing to teach me how to do her hair when we were married and is not willing to teach me after the divorce.”
“AITA?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation by declaring:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You’re the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
The OP found little to no support from the Reddit community, who generally agreed that the OP was indeed the a**hole for bringing his daughter early so her teacher could get her hair done.
Everyone concurred that it would have been one thing if the OP let the teacher do his daughter’s hair once or twice, so he could then learn how to do it, but having her do it regularly was lazy on his part.
Some thought he was taking advantage of his daughter’s teacher’s time and generosity.
“YTA.”
“This isn’t rocket science.”
“The hair is already clean and brushed (apparently).”
“All that is left to ‘learn’ is how to tie it back out of her face in a way that is neat and comfortable.”
“No need for complex styles.”
“If the daycare worker has already shown OP several times, he should have learned by now.”
“This is now weaponized incompetence.”
“He secretly thinks a woman should do her hair and now has found one willing to do it.”
“I think his ‘learning’ phase is going to go on for several years until his daughter can do her own her (i.e. he has passed the task to another female).” – colossal_sandwich
“Dude, YTA.”
“This teacher is doing free labor for you bc she cares about your kid.”
“Add that to the pile of free and underpaid labor teachers do every day.”
This is your kid, you should have learned how to do her hair already. Get up earlier, watch YouTube tutorials, and do right by your damn daughter. Sheesh.
“’I don’t know how…my wife used to do it’.”
“Yeah I bet there’s a lot of sh*t your wife used to do bc you couldn’t be bothered to be an adult.”
“Thus the ex.”- Pickled-soup
“Soft YTA because I’m sure you are fully capable of learning how to do it yourself.”
“And as nice as the teacher is to help, it really isn’t her job.”- Sweet_Bambii
“I wouldn’t say YTA, but jeeze.”
“YouTube exists. Educate yourself and do your kid’s hair.”- FlyingWithAliens
“My white mother with short hair learned to do my Afro, she can even cornrow she learned before YouTube existed!”
“YTA and lazy!”
“You better be giving that teacher extra money, or you are even a bigger AH.”- Outrageous-Piglet-86
“Sorry, YTA.”
“That teacher has enough to do without having to be a hairdresser as well.”
“I think her advice on products and techniques was a gentle hint that you need to learn how to do it yourself.”
“Step up.”- Sweeper1985
“YTA.”
“You couldn’t be bothered to learn how to do your daughter’s hair while you were still with your wife, and now that she’s gone, another woman is doing the work you should be doing.”
“Like many others have said, you should be at the daycare to learn from the teacher every day until you can do your daughter’s hair instead of offloading the work onto someone else, or at a salon.”
“Additionally, your wife is completely right that you’re messing with your daughter’s morning routine.”
“You need to be teaching your daughter that food is an important and good part of everyday life so that she can cultivate healthy eating habits.”
“The rest of the world will start teaching her unhealthy ones soon enough.”
“Eating breakfast in the car with her is not that, it’s teaching her that eating is something to be done when time and other obligations allow her to, not something she should make time for because it’s important.”- peony_161
“Weaponized Incompetence.”
“You’re a parent, so parent instead of expecting women to do it smdh.”- MissionRevolution306
“YTA for acting like taking care of curly hair is so difficult that it takes you weeks or months to learn it?”
“Ask your ex for pointers if you need help and watch some YT-videos and you should be fine.”
“You don’t need to wash your daughter’s hair every day, but when you do, detangle first with conditioner, then wash, then condition and detangle again.”
“Then apply leave-in products to wet hair (get a microfibre towel to maybe squeeze some water out beforehand, no rubbing to dry) and style.”
“Ask your ex-wife which shampoos, leave-ins, etc.”
“Work well for your daughter’s hair.”- littledeadfairy
“YTA.”
“Do you think your ex-wife has the knowledge of how to take care of curly hair beamed into her brain by aliens?”
“Or did she learn it?”
“Probably from the internet if she doesn’t have curly hair herself.”
“If the teacher you are weaponizing your incompetence with was educating you on it, you would be competent now as it’s not that hard.”
“No sulphates in the hair products, only detangle when the conditioner is in, sleep with hair in braids if it’s long enough.”
“Thats basically it for a 3-year-old.”- ttnl35
There is nothing wrong with asking for help.
However, even if she was the one who offered it, turning his daughter’s teacher into her unofficial stylist is a few steps beyond asking for help.
Hopefully, the OP now feels confident enough to handle his daughter’s hair by himself and might consider thanking his daughter’s teacher with an acknowledgment of some kind.