A parent having a new romantic partner is a fraught enough situation on its own. But for a woman on Reddit, the situation got even worse when her father kept mistakenly calling her by his girlfriend’s name.
She wasn’t sure about how she handled the conflict that ensued, so she went to the AITA (Am I The A**hole) subReddit for input.
The Original Poster (OP), who goes by boneurgh on the site, asked:
“AITA for getting mad at my dad for calling me his girlfriend’s name”
She explained:
“My dad (47) has not been with my (F[emale], 21) mum (44) since I was around 9 years old and he used to have this girlfriend who was 23 when I was 14. We used to get on really well and I got on with her like you would an older sister; long story short we formed a very close bond.”
“After a few years of dating I think they fell out because she wanted to have children, so she left without saying goodbye. This is hard for me, as she knew, because of the issues between my parents. She was also a friend of my mother’s prior to dating my dad.”
“Now I am 21 and guess who has returned to the scene? The previous girlfriend had a child and then returned to my dad. I do not like this woman, or my father particularly, and have incited boundaries with him that I do not wish to see her.”
“He is having a sexual relationship with this woman, and has only known her for around 10 years (at most), I am his daughter of 21 and he keeps referring to me by her name? This started to make me incredibly uncomfortable but he says that I am “another woman” and that he doesn’t have many in his life so he gets confused.”
“I ended up yelling at him for calling me by her name and it got quite heated, where I said I would not want to see him again if he continued. AITA?”
Redditors were then tasked with judging who is in the wrong in this situation based on the following categories:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
- NAH – No A**holes Here
And they were pretty firmly on OP’s side.
“NTA- Parents call their kids different names all the time on accident but he isn’t being sensitive to how hard it was for the gf to ghost you. You need to stop responding when he doesn’t call you by your name.” —catontheloose2400
“Kinda creepy on the father’s part to be calling his own daughter with the name of his intimate partner.” —hello_friendss
“NTA – i really don’t get why he ‘keeps’ calling you by her name. If this was happening eventually i would understand because when people reach a certain age they might scramble names. But seems that’s not the case.” —nicolaspb96
“NTA. He was dating a 23 year old when he was 40. The implication here is gross.” —nbd_i_alreadyreddit
“I wonder whether the similarity in age and life stage between where OP is now and where the GF was when they first started dating is the root of the mix up given how Dad does not mix up anyone else’s name. Cannot fathom any other way this makes sense.”
“OP is NTA. It is not an AH thing either to start calling the mix ups out more explicitly:”
“‘I don’t understand how you can confuse the name of your daughter with the name of the woman you are sleeping with every time you address me.'”
“‘Do you think of calling GF when you mean to call for me because I am nearly the age she was when you started sleeping with her?'”
“‘Do you confuse GF with me because she also allows you to parent her?”…” —snarfblattinconcert
“That’s creepy, you’ve asked him to stop. And you’re not just ‘another woman’ you’re his daughter. NTA.” —MRoseHR
“NTA. I think it’s extremely weird for your dad to be calling you by the name of someone he’s sleeping with. Especially knowing how much it bothers you. I would understand if it was once in a while, but it sounds like this is an ongoing issue.”
“If he is not having any issues with mixing other peoples names and it’s only yours with the girlfriend, that would make me uncomfortable even if you liked the girlfriend. Simply because of the nature of the relationships.”
“The history between you definitely adds another level of distaste to it. Every now and then could be a mistake, but with added frequency. I’d definitely say he’s the AH.” —winniesx24
“NTA. Especially since he isn’t doing it to others, and you aren’t that far off in age from the girlfriend when they started dating, it’s incredibly creepy. You aren’t ‘another woman in his life.’ You are his daughter. If he can’t respect you enough to call you by the right name he doesn’t deserve to have a relationship with you.” —WanderingAl08
“NTA. If it happened every once and a while, then I’d say it’s not big deal. People mix up names. However, you say that he’s been doing it frequently and does not mix up your brothers’ names. You have every right to put up this boundary. If it makes you uncomfortable, then you shouldn’t have to put up with it.” —invisible-rogue
“NTA. It’s perfectly understandable to be upset at a parent for getting your name wrong.”
“However, it doesn’t necessarily mean much more than that. I had a friend who had a huge crush on this guy for a while. She would often just use his name in place of others she was talking to or about by accident because she was just thinking about him constantly. It didn’t mean she had a crush on all of us around her.” —FiveSuitSamus
“NTA”
“I hate to be that person but has he been more forgetful overall recently? It could be a sign of early onset Alzheimer’s or a brain tumor.”
“It’s really really really weird that he’s forgetting his own daughter’s name unless something medical is going on.” —MaliciouslyMinty
“NTA. Calling your own daughter by your lover’s name is creepy to say the least. Even if you got along with that woman, that wouldn’t be cool. Your father is being gross.” —nerdy_latino
Hopefully OP and her dad can find a way to work this out.