When someone we know has a baby, the first question the excited among us will likely ask is when we can see the baby and hold the baby.
What some people fail to realize is how exhausting the first few weeks, and even months, can be for parents of newborns, pointed out the “Am I the A**hole?” (AITAH) subReddit.
Redditor SignificantWill5218 was at home with her toddler and four-week-old baby, juggling the obligations of the household and parenting, and also still breastfeeding and pumping for her young baby.
When her husband’s boss and boss’s wife randomly showed up at their door one afternoon with a gift, expecting to meet their baby, the Original Poster (OP) was shocked when her husband was angry with her for being ‘rude’ by not socializing with them.
She asked the sub:
“AITAH for not answering the door when my husband’s boss arrived unannounced with a baby gift?”
The OP was in the middle of pumping with a knock came at the door.
“Our baby is four weeks old. This happened at 5:00 PM on a weekday, and I was home with the baby and toddler.”
“I was upstairs in the middle of pumping, the toddler was playing, and the baby was asleep when the doorbell rang.”
“We get a lot of solicitors, and I never answer the door, so I just continued with pumping.”
The OP’s husband informed her that his boss and boss’s wife had arrived unexpectedly.
“Five minutes later, I heard my husband and another voice downstairs, and then he came storming up the stairs.”
“He was like, ‘Sorry, I didn’t know they were coming,’ grabs the baby, and heads back downstairs. He had just arrived at home from work and found them still waiting at the front door.”
“I was like, ‘What? Who is it,?'”
“He said his boss and wife are at the door with a baby gift.”
“I responded, ‘Okay,’ as I was still attached to the pump machine. I finished up and then headed into the bathroom to pee and put on lotion.”
The OP was surprised when her husband was mad at her for her response.
“My husband came back upstairs a couple of minutes later and was very upset at me for not coming down to talk to them and receive their gift.”
“I told him I didn’t realize I needed to and or that they were staying.”
“He said it was very rude of me and that I was an a**hole for not answering the door and for not coming down after he told me they were there.”
“He said they were asking him where I was/what I was doing, and it was awkward for him…”
“AITAH?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You’re the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
Some reassured the OP that the problem was with her husband, not her.
“Your husband is way out of line. He was angry with you for not answering the door? He would have been even angrier if you had answered the door with the pump still attached.”
“You are in the house with an infant and toddler and not expecting anyone. You were in the right not to answer for your own safety.”
“Hubby has a cranial/rectal problem. He’s the AH, not you.” – content_great_gramma
“What a total a**-kisser he must be, to tell his wife that she’s ‘rude’ to not open the door to uninvited guests!”
“Does he expect her to quit pumping, get dressed, leave her toddler behind, and go down to play pass the baby with two people she doesn’t know and didn’t invite?”
“How about next time she goes down, full pumps going and baby crying on her hip, because apparently, his boss can not wait for even a moment! See how he likes that, lol (laughing out loud).” – Individual_You_6586
“NTA. You were in the middle of taking care of personal things, and it’s completely understandable that you didn’t rush downstairs right away. Your husband’s boss and his wife should understand that you’ve got a newborn and might not be able to drop everything.”
“Your husband’s frustration seems misplaced, especially since he didn’t communicate clearly with you from the start. You weren’t trying to be rude; you were just handling life with a baby and a toddler.” – lerralvy
“The boss is an a**hole for showing up unannounced, and the husband is an a**hole for… everything about how he handled this.”
“I’m especially mad about the fact that he picked up a sleeping infant and took it down to visit with his boss? Why wouldn’t he just say, ‘The baby sleeping; we didn’t know you were coming?'”
“Like, anybody that shows up at someone’s house when they have a baby knows the baby might be sleeping. The husband should have let the baby sleep!”
“It’s not a toy to show off! It’s a d**n infant and it needs its rest! Ugh.” – Significant_Planter
“The husband is treating his wife like a butler after giving birth four weeks ago.”
“Both men are in the wrong, but this is WAY more on the husband… the boss could’ve just been asking after her out of genuine interest rather than pressuring her to come down, and the husband should’ve backed his wife and said she was too tired or whatever.”
“Frankly, he shouldn’t be expecting/pressuring his wife to answer the door to unexpected visitors when she’s home alone with a new baby; that could be legitimately unsafe. It’s not her fault if his boss is being an a**… who sides with their boss over their wife and mother of their kids?!” – loosie-loo
Others reassured the OP she wasn’t required to stop pumping to answer the door.
“F**k that, NTA, I don’t answer the door for people I don’t know, either. Especially when you’re home alone with your baby and also F**KING BUSY? Who even feels entitled to the mother of a newborn giving them time? Eat a d**k, boss and husband!!” – peakpenguins
“I can’t blame you for not answering the door, especially with everything going on. Unannounced visitors are a major no-go, particularly for someone who’s just had a baby.”
“Your main focus should be on taking care of your little ones, not appeasing unexpected guests.”
“NTA. Your husband probably needs to reevaluate his priorities.” – leavesmeplease
“A mother of a newborn who is alone with her baby is probably doing one of two things. She’s either taking advantage of a rare opportunity to sleep, or she has her boob out. She doesn’t want to be interrupted while doing either of those things. Schedule a freaking time in advance.” – thrwy_111822
“NTA. You were literally in the middle of pumping. Should you just open the door with the pump still strapped?”
“Your husband needs to realize that you’re going through a lot right now, and you don’t owe anyone your time right now besides the baby.” – triplescorpio7
“I vote she should have answered the door with the pump strapped to her… If that’s what it takes for people to realize it’s rude to make unannounced visits, then that’s what it takes”
“I hate when people do this! You literally have a phone in your pocket at all times and can call or text someone to ASK if you can stop over.”
“The husband could have told his boss, ‘My wife is pumping/nursing/sleeping, but I would love for you to meet her and the baby. We should get together on (specific day and time) when she’s prepared for company.'”
“NTA. Your husband, his boss, & the boss’s wife are the AHes here, not the OP.” – SarcasmExecutive
“Also, you shouldn’t just STOP pumping. It is important to ensure the development of the milk production to pump and do so until you are empty. Otherwise, you could risk reducing milk production.”
“In addition, if you don’t pump it can be painful and risk a clogged duct or mastitis. With a four-week-old baby, ‘she is pumping’ is a valid reason for being indisposed.”
“Can we please educate people on breastfeeding and how it affects the female body?! It is not easy to make food for a new tiny human, that she also just made.”
“Verdict: NTA. But the husband is.” – Shot_Potential3871
After receiving feedback, the OP shared an update.
“We’ve talked about this further and my husband apologized for his behavior, stating that he was stressed out rushing home from work.”
“He said that had it been a friend of his or his family, he would not have cared if I didn’t come down or not, but since it was his boss, it was important, and he thought I realized that when I found out who it was (typical response from him wanting to impress boss).”
“Apparently, he had been texting with the wife for a week, trying to arrange a time for them to bring the gift, and it never worked out, so she assumed it would be okay to try and stop by.”
“He maintains that he does not agree that it was rude of them to stop by since they were bringing us gifts. He said he doesn’t think it’s rude for someone to ring the bell and try to see if we’re available in general.”
“We basically ended it on an agree-to-disagree on that, but I told him absolutely zero future unexpected guests for any reason, and he just kind of said okay, and that was it.”
The subReddit overwhelmingly supported the OP’s need to take care of her two young children during this time, rather than entertaining visitors, especially unexpected ones.
But based on the OP’s update and her husband’s short reply about unsolicited visits, it seemed he was not on the same page, and it would not be all that shocking if this were to happen again.