The world is difficult right now.
People combat this in a lot of ways but one of the most common is by showing Gratitude.
Whether it is a quick thank you to your uber driver or a wave to the woman letting you in to traffic, gratitude comes in many forms.
What happens, though, when some find a type of grateful display unpleasant?
This was the problem Redditor and Original Poster (OP) Murky-Highway9pub740 had when they came to the “Am I the A**hole”(AITA) subReddit for guidance.
“AITA for telling my wife it’s embarrassing she gave our daughter’s bus driver cookies?”
They began with relevant background.
“Some important details -“
“My wife is very shy but enjoys giving and is all gung ho about showing appreciation to workers she assumes aren’t appreciated or recognized. she tries to pass these beliefs onto our kids.”
“Because she’s too silent to show her appreciation she does it through gifts, usually baked goods.”
“I’ve been embarrassed about it in the past.”
The problem was outlined.
“Our oldest rode the school bus for the first time.”
“My wife was waiting at the stop with our daughter and had her hand the bus driver a bag of homemade cookies.”
“Then when she picked her up from the stop in the afternoon, she gave a bag to the afternoon driver.”
OP tried to get more information.
“I asked why she did that when she could easily have just said thank you and left it at that.”
OP’s wife explained her thinking.
“She said the bus drivers work so hard having to comfort all the nervous kids and handling the unbehaved one while driving they deserve more than a thanks.”
OP then detailed why this was an issue.
“I reminded her that this has embarrassed me in the past and I think her behaviors are too extreme. I wouldn’t want gifts from someone I don’t know.”
“She ignored how I felt.”
“I contacted some people in my life to see if I was just the crazy one here and most of my friends and my mom agree, my wife’s way of showing thanks just makes everyone uncomfortable.”
The reassurance wasn’t quite enough and so they were left to wonder:
Having laid out the case to Reddit, OP asked for a ruling.
Redditors weighed in by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Redditors decided: YTA
Some responses were very direct.
“YTA. Just because you and your family don’t like expressing thanks to service workers, doesn’t mean she has to dislike it too.”~lace4151
Some responses were very creative.
“Y is for YTA, that’s good enough for me”
“Y is for YTA, that’s good enough for me”
“Y is for YTA, that’s good enough for me!”
“COOKIE COOKIE COOKIE COOKIE COOKIE!”
“Also, this isn’t about you, stop making it about you.”~jbh01
Others wanted to get more information.
“INFO: You say her behavior makes everyone uncomfortable, but it seems like it only makes you uncomfortable.”
“What reactions has she gotten from the people she has thanked in this way that leads you to feel embarrassed?”
“Not shocked to vote YTA!”~shyfidelity
There were personal anecdotes.
“My mum was a school bus driver for years and the gifts people gave her were cherished – because your wife is right – driving a busload of kids is hard work, it’s not like driving a bus load of adults.”~Zestyclose_Meeting_8
“I mentioned to my husband at a fast food place we needed to hurry because I had several types of Bomb Pops melting in the car.”
“The girl making my burrito said ‘OH, YUM.’ I ran out and grabbed 3 different kinds and brought the boxes in… yelled to the whole kitchen crew to come get one.”
“One approximately 35ish-year-old guy ‘lept’ over a counter in sheer joy. MADE my whole week. I plan on randomly bringing in boxes of Popsicles to places like this in the future.”~QuirkySyrup55947
There was even an attempt to get to the root of OP’s embarrassment.
“Idk if autism here but I’ve never understood how people take kindness/favours/generous offers as insults, it would never even cross my mind.”
“I’d be way too busy gushing and being flattered and grateful that they’d want to do that for me.”
“Clearly, something is making this guy feel embarrassed about his wife being nice, it for sure could be that he thinks it makes him somehow look bad or looks like an insult or something.”
“It could be an ‘I’d feel insulted so they probably do, too’ thing. But, I mean, this is baked goods.”
“It’s not even mowing a lawn, and it’s certainly not buying someone a gym membership.”
“The only context I can think of where baked goods could be taken as an insult would be if the recipient is very thin or very overweight (assuming they’re also insecure about that).”
“But as a thank you for your kid’s teacher or bus driver or for friends? It’s quite normal and would brighten anyone’s day.”
“God, I’d love someone to show up and give me cookies to show I’m appreciated, sometimes my brother brings me a few kg from his potato harvests and they’re some of the best I’ve ever eaten.”
“We used to give the lollipop lady chocolates at Christmas just because.”
“I think he needs to reflect a bit on why her being a giving person makes him so uncomfortable and consider whether his reasons are rational, rather than raining on wife’s parade.”
“If she’s shy, it sounds like the perfect way to get to feeling comfortable around people, as everybody is warm and welcoming towards the nice lady who brings you treats just because.”~Walouisi
The world is very difficult right now.
Gratitude and kindness can feel very far away right now.
Let us all try to remember to be a little more gracious, a little more grateful for all the things people do for and with us.
Of course, when in doubt, baked goods are always the way to go.