While people can see the value in parenting, some have very different standards for mothers and fathers.
While mothers are expected to care for their kids, the “Am I the A**hole?” (AITA) subReddit pointed out, some people refer to fathers as babysitting their kids.
Redditor throwra_firsttimedad was furious with his brother and sister-in-law when they said he was “babysitting” his own child.
But when they said his wife didn’t need a break, because caring for a child is easy, the Original Poster (OP) was done talking to them.
He asked the sub:
“AITA for kicking my brother and his wife from my house?”
The OP took care of his baby while his wife had a day to herself.
“My wife (31 Female) and I (30 Male) had a baby 4 months ago.”
“My wife has been suffering from PPD (Postpartum Depression), and she’s had a lot of breakdowns here and there and it was just so heartbreaking to see.”
“I decided to give her a day to herself and take care of the baby.”
“So I took a small leave from work, gave her my card, and told her to do what she needs to do for herself.”
His brother and sister-in-law were critical of their plans.
“My brother (35 Male) and his wife (34 Female) came over for a visit the same day she was out and asked me where she was.”
“I told them she was out doing her own things, and they asked why I was babysitting the baby.”
“I told them it wasn’t babysitting when it’s my own child and I was giving my wife some time to herself.”
“My SIL scoffed at me and told me she (my wife) should be home like a good mom.”
“My brother laughed and agreed, saying that taking care of a baby is easy.”
“I got p**sed at him and told him, ‘Of course, it’d be easy for you because you live with Mom, so you could just dump the baby on her.'”
“He and his wife got p**sed and started yelling at me, so I kicked them out and told them to never come back unless they apologized.”
The OP’s wife was sad to hear how the afternoon played out.
“I told my wife about it and she was sad that I fought with my brother because of her.”
“I reassured her that I didn’t care because she was important.”
“I got a call from my Mom saying she agreed with me, but she told me I was a bit harsh for what I said to him and I can’t help but feel like an AH for that.”
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You’re the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
Some couldn’t believe they referred to the OP’s care as “babysitting.”
“You weren’t the asshole the moment they said the word babysitting. NTA.” – Primary-Criticism929
“I always find it telling, sad, and funny that the people who consider taking care of your own children to be babysitting so often turn out to be the ones who don’t actually parent their own kids.”
“Whether it’s a nanny, grandparents, or sibblings, they always seem to find a way to dump their kids on someone else and then have the gall to look down on those who actually spend time with their kids.” – Beaumis
“I was out the other night and someone asked me if my husband was babysitting my 4-year-old.”
“I said, ‘Babysitting? You do know he’s the dad, right?!’ It was so freaking awkward after that, but I hate these assumptions!”
“Absolutely NTA, OP’s wife is being supported as she should!” – MarionberryIll228
“Yes, brother and SIL were TA. It is perfectly appropriate for a mother to go out without her baby if someone trusted is caring for the child.”
“You know, like the baby’s other parent? Not and SIL were really being sexist and offensive. How dare they speak that way?”
“OP, I am so glad you told them off and kicked them out. They are selfish, self-righteous, judgemental a**holes and they needed to be told!” – salymander_1
“Everything that came out of those people’s mouths was appalling. What AHs! People like that deserve the harsh truth, otherwise, they remain obliviously ignorant.”
“OP, please tell your wife that lots of people are wishing her well. (I am, at least.) She clearly has love and support at home so I have faith that things will get better. You two sound like a good team.”
“NTA.” – AllButACrazyCatLady
“My ‘you weren’t the asshole’ moment was when he gave his wife his card and told her to go do what she needs to do.”
“OP, you sound incredibly loving and supportive of your wife.” – hopalongsmiles
Others thought the couple had it easy by living with their baby’s grandmother.
“I think they have a kid too. But it’s so easy to watch their own kid because their kid was that their granny’s house at the moment.”
“Like, they were being hypocrites of how easy it was to have your kid with you mind the fact they didn’t have their kid with them at OP’s house.” – JKaldran
“NTA. You’re an awesome dad and husband. Your brother and SIL should be taking notes from you instead of offering their unsolicited advice.”
“Part of being a good mom is being in the right headspace. You were allowing your wife to do just that.”
“Your brother and SIL need to butt out and let you parent YOUR child. They can go back to mom’s house and keep doing what they do.” – Serious-Currency108
“NTA… What the actual f**k, where do they get off telling you how to parent in your own home? This was not harsh at all. Your wife is struggling and you did exactly the right thing by giving her some time to take a break and relax.”
“It was one day, not a month! You were also right. You aren’t ‘babysitting,’ this is your own child. Honestly more men should take the occasional day off to bond with their babies, and I respect you a lot for doing this.”
“Your wife is being a good mom by understanding that she is struggling right now and she needs to be kind to herself and take some breaks, for both her health and the family’s health. You are being a good dad by supporting her.”
“The fact that your mom agrees with you tells me that they consider parenting easy because they do exactly what you said they do, leave that responsibility to Mom.”
“Your brother and SIL are really angry because you forced them to confront their own failings as parents and made them feel inadequate (and rightfully so!).”
“This response was definitely not too harsh either, as they need a reality check and those are often not nice. Good on you for standing up for yourself and your family, and showing them how to properly care for their children as well.” – krempel47
Some encouraged the OP to keep being a supportive husband.
“NTA. Thank you for being a good Dad. Pregnancy takes a lot out of a woman and then taking care of an infant who has needs round the clock (feeding, diapering, etc) just adds to that stress on a woman both physically and mentally.”
“You did right by your wife and child and that’s what matters in the end. Don’t feel guilty. Your brother and SIL were definitely T A in this situation.”
“As a mom of two, I can tell you that having a supportive husband means the world. Change a poopy diaper, help clean up messes, and spend time with baby. Those are big helps. Just be there for her when your wife needs you.” – zippykaiyay
“Being supportive makes all the difference and it sounds like you are. Who cares what anyone else thinks about how you and your partner are living this very stressful/sleepless time of your life.”
“You guys are doing exactly what you should be doing… Supporting each other.”
“It’s a shame your other loved ones don’t understand.” – cooradical
“Thank you for being a great husband and father! Most people do not understand PPD, and the fact that your wife, I’m sure after a lot of convincing from you, left to take care of herself was very hard for her.”
“You are amazing for being there for her. Please don’t let anyone ever make you feel that you are an AH for taking care of your family!”
“NTA.” – Mum_of_9
“NTA, you stood up for both your wife (who IS a good mom, but is having a hard time) AND for yourself (of course you’re not a babysitter when it’s your own child).”
“Also, every child and every situation is unique, the ones that claims taking care of a baby is easy has never experienced all the situations when caring for a baby is really hard!”
“Hope your wife will feel better soon and you both find a working everyday routine with the baby.”
“Love, mother of two NICU babies.” – Waste-Phase-2857
The subReddit was happy to hear that the OP was supportive of his wife and also frustrated by what his siblings had to say about the importance of fatherhood.
As some pointed out, they likely were deflecting feelings about their own parenting as they were depending on the OP’s mother for childcare.