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Dad-To-Be Constantly ‘Jokes’ That He Hopes Daughter Will Look ‘Nothing Like’ Pregnant Wife

A married couple, the woman pregnant, sit on a couch angry

Everybody loves comedy and a good joke.

But what a lot of people don’t know is that the reason jokes are good, is timing and purpose.

And it’s good to know your audience.

If these points are misunderstood, it can lead to more drama than laughter.

Case in point…

Redditor Lillington579 wanted to discuss her experience and get some feedback. So naturally, she came to visit the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit.

She asked:

“AITA for leaving in the middle of celebration because of the toast my husband gave?”

The Original Poster (OP) explained:

“I F[emale] 25 married my husband M[ale] 31 3 years ago.”

“I’m currently pregnant with our first baby together.”

“We found out it’s a girl and my in-laws wanted to invite us for dinner for ‘gender reveal announcement and celebration.'”

“We got there, saw many relatives coming to congratulate us and celebrate.”

“It was bigger than expected which made me nervous because I’m not a fan of being around many people.”

“We sat at dinner table and I barely ate.”

“I was feeling so much anxiety and was sort of upset my husband didn’t warn me about how many people were coming.”

“But I tried to stay calm and collected.”

“Anyways, after the announcement and in the middle of the celebration my husband wanted to give a toast.”

“He opened a bottle and poured a drink and wished that our daughter be ‘healthy, happy, but look nothing like me.'”

“Everyone at the table laughed.”

“I sat there staring in shock while he kept laughing with them.”

“I felt so much rage and my anxiety got out of hand not gonna lie.”

“I got up, took my purse and made my way out.”

“His mom followed me asking if I was okay, I told her I just wanted to go home.”

“He came to the door asking what was wrong that’s when we started arguing.”

“He said this was a ‘joke toast’ and that my reaction was over the top.”

“But the thing is ever since I got pregnant he kept hinting he doesn’t want our daughter to look like me.”

“He even once got up in the morning and first thing he told me was how much he wished our daughter look nothing like me.”

“It hurt me while I’m already dealing with low self esteem and anxiety.”

“I wanted to go home but he said I was being a baby and that I should learn to take a ‘f**king’ joke.”

“I said he made everyone laugh at me but he defensively said it didn’t warrant me to walk out of dinner and be so disrespectful to the relative who came to celebrate and share our joy.”

“I went home and he called many times telling me to get my ‘insecurities’ in check before I pass them up to our daughter.”

“He urged me to get therapy and stop acting so dramatically like how I did in front of his family.”

“I think leaving dinner wasn’t the best solution but I just got overwhelmed.”

“So AITA?”

Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed some options to the question AITA:

  • NTA – Not The A**hole
  • YTA – You’re The A**hole
  • NAH – No A**holes Here
  • ESH – Everyone Sucks Here

Many Redditors declared OP was NOT the A**hole.

“Leaving is the best solution?”

“Yes. And not just the dinner.”

“He has said more than once he doesn’t want his child to look like you.”

“Then he made you the butt of a joke in public.”

“Then he dismissed your PERFECTLY NORMAL feelings.”

“Then he blamed you instead of apologizing.”

“Pay attention.”

“He had shown you exactly who he is and what he really thinks of you.

“Believe him. NTA.”  ~ Desert_Sea_4998

“This is absolutely spot on!”

“He’s also bullying you for the insecurities HE’S REINFORCING IN YOU!!”

“This is abusive behavior, OP.”

“You don’t deserve it, and neither will your daughter.”

“Because your husband is 100% the kind of AH that will make sure your daughter has similar self-esteem issues in order to control her as well.”

“‘Sorry [Kid], it sure is too bad you took after your mom instead of me.'”

“‘You’d be so pretty if you didn’t have to wear glasses/didn’t have brown hair/were thinner.'”

“‘Too bad you got those genes from your mom! Ha ha!'”

“You both deserve better than this flaming dumpster of Axe body spray.”

“Side note: what is wrong with your in-laws laughing along with this ‘joke.'”

“I’d have to get in line to punch my brother in the throat if he made a joke like this about his pregnant wife.”

“The first person in line would be my mom.” ~ ladyattercop

“This statistically often happens in pregnancy because the guy perceives that the woman is now trapped // tied to him and can’t escape as easily // raise a child alone.”

“So the relative reserve he may have shown earlier can be cast aside and he can escalate the abuse.”

“Sadly it’s often how women find themselves trapped in abusive relationships, especially if she has little or no (her) family support or self confidence like OP.”

“In fact, some abusers seek out women who fit this type.”

“All facts my husband and I learned from professionals while helping a friend escape an abusive (psychological and eventually physical violence towards her and her 5 year old daughter).”

“Six years on she and her daughter are 100% thriving.”

“Our friend’s confidence has grown 1000 fold and her ex is still shouting (literal shouting at the judge) about what a useless, stupid mother she is and so he should get full custody.”

“He goes to court several times a year accusing her of one thing or another.”

“Kid is top of all her classes.”

“Our friend has no family support so we and others form a ‘family’ of close friends.”

“And the ex is still telling entire lists of lies about her: like that she sleeps with multiple men every month- when she hasn’t had (or wanted) a relationship with anyone at all, choosing to rebuild her life and focus on her daughter for now.”

“Luckily her ex even screamed and threatened her during one of the custody hearings the authorities have a file on him centimeters thick…”

“He’s mentally unstable, she has a restraining order against him but he goes to court for visitation for his daughter etc when he can’t get custody.”

“We were told that many women without friends/others to support them end up back with their abusers.”

“NTA OP, not in a million years.”

“Hugs from an internet stranger and congratulations on your daughter!”  ~ StartTalkingSense

“OP should in fact take her husband’s suggestion and get therapy.”

“It will help her see she’s married to an AH and being alone is better than being with him any day.”

“He sounds like a creep and I’d also start watching for his comments and making note of them because he sounds like he could pass that s**t on to their daughter.”

“Keep records so it can be used in any custody dispute.”  ~ Chance-Ad-9952

“I’m borrowing your comment for just a minute.”

“OP, please pay attention to what people are telling you.”

“Your husband is being emotionally and psychologically abusive.”

“He’s telling you he hopes your daughter doesn’t look like you.”

“When he makes a public joke that causes you to react, perfectly appropriately by the way, he tells you you need counseling before your insecurities affect your daughter.”

“Insecurities that he has exacerbated and inflamed, if not outright planted.”

“That, OP, is gaslighting.”

“Please, get a book on either audible or kindle called ‘Why Does He Do That’ by Lundy Bancroft.”

“It will be extremely helpful to you.”

“One of the things he talks about in that book is that sometimes abusers don’t do a thing until after they think their S[ignificant] O[ther] has too much invested and would never leave.”

“Like after engagement, marriage, but especially during or after pregnancy.”

“Beyond that, please consider counseling, but for yourself not because your husband told you to get it.”

“Stay safe!” ~ Ethnafia_125

“Please see a therapist, someone who can support you and help you find your way through this and into a better life.”

“You are NTA.”

“You don’t want this creep passing on his misogynistic views to your precious daughter.”

“This was not a joke, it was a verbal assault, one of many.” ~ Alive_Good_4138

“I was Initially thinking he said he wished girl wouldn’t look like HIM, but after OP cleared that up.”

“Either way it’s something very hateful to say!”

“NTA and please stand your ground and do not forget you’re beautiful no matter what they say.” ~ asterlynx

“OMG, I came in here looking for clarification on who the ‘me’ was in his comments.”

“I’ve said it before that I don’t want my girls to look like me.”

“But I mean ME.”

“He said that he doesn’t want them to look like his WIFE?!”

“He’s a total AH in this and she’s NTA, holy crap… those are the types of comments that’d make me seriously contemplate divorce.”  ~ Lurkingentropy

“This really does sound abusive. NTA.”

“Your husband needs to knock off the ‘jokes’ and grow up.”

“And I think you should get some therapy to learn to value yourself.”

“Especially with a girl, you need to show empowerment so she learns empowerment.”

“Don’t let her grow up with a father that belittles her mother.”

“That leads to lifelong issues.”  ~ llamadrama2021

“NTA. I would like to hear your husband explain how that ‘joke’ is funny.”  ~ FineCauliflower

Well OP, Reddit is with you.

And they also seemed highly concerned for your well being.

It maybe time for everybody to have a chat with a therapist.

Be safe and good luck.