When parents date, their partner choices can get along with or clash with their children. Most parents would want a partner who relates well with their children, right?
Not so in one Redditor’s case. His ability to relate to his father’s latest paramour is causing tension.
So he spoke to his father about the real issue as he sees it. But then he wondered if he spoke out of turn.
He brought his conundrum to the “Am I The A*hole” (AITA) subReddit for feedback.
Redditor myageaita asked:
“AITA for telling my dad to not date girls my age if his jealousy is affecting him so much?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“I am a 19-year-old man. I live with my dad, who’s 57.”
“He’s dating a girl who’s 20 and lives with us. This bothered me at first, and it still does, but I decided that instead of being upset about it all quarantine, I’ll make the most of it.”
“She and I will watch movies together, play games, etc… I still think their relationship is gross and I know she’s totally in it for the money, but I don’t think she’s a bad person for that.”
“Today, the BALLS on my dad…he asks me if I’m purposely trying to make him jealous by having inside jokes with his girlfriend. I told him I wasn’t, and he told me to lay off of her anyway.”
“I told him that he shouldn’t date girls my age if his jealousy is going to affect him like this, and he got really pissed.”
“It’s so weird because before when I wouldn’t talk to her, he’d get upset at me, and now that I’m hanging out with her, I’m doing it wrong.”
“A bit later today, he told me that I know his age is a sore subject and I shouldn’t throw it in his face. To be honest, I’m a bit tired of his sh*t and I didn’t apologize.”
“I feel a bit guilty because he’s been suffering since mom died, though, but I am too and that did make me become an a**hole…I think.”
“AITA?”
Redditors weighed in by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Redditors decided the OP was not the a**hole.
“NTA. If you don’t want your girlfriend to have more in common with your son than you, don’t date people the same/similar age to your son.” ~ 0biterdicta
“Yeah, you don’t get to complain about people making you feel old if you’re nearly 60 hanging out with a 20 year old.”
“You feel old because you are old. NTA.” ~ tsh87
“So strange, wouldn’t the dad want his dates to get along with his kids? NTA.” ~ _MichelinStarChef_
“NTA. You and someone that could have been in the same class at your school are both living in your father’s home because it’s cheaper than living independently. Save your money in case you need to move out in a hurry.”
“You’re being mature by not complaining that she’s in your home, and you’re being polite and engaging with her. I don’t see a real reason for him to be mad apart from the obvious (jealousy and full awareness that his relationship with a relative teenager is problematic).” ~ Here_for_tea_
“Exactly, he shouldn’t be surprised that a 20 year old has more in common with a 19 year old than she has with a 57 year old.” ~ noblestromana
“You’re not doing anything wrong. By acting so naturally with her you are driving home that she is closer in age and interests with you, and that the girl he’s sleeping with is young enough to be his daughter.”
“Your dad doesn’t want to be reminded that his ‘relationship’ is not normal.” ~ DutyValuable
“I’d bet he’s upset either way, because he knows what he’s doing with that young woman your age is something he wouldn’t want you doing with an older guy/woman his age.”
“I think he’s uncomfortable with you around the situation at all, but not to the point he’d like to stop himself and break it off with her, so he takes his discomfort out on you.” ~ Super-fictious
“He’s upset because he feels old. And nothing you do will change the fact that he’s jealous of your age. It’s twisted and I’m sorry.” ~ KittyKiitos
“I don’t think you can win to be honest.”
“When you ignored her, he likely perceived it as rude. Presumably he doesn’t want her to be made to feel unwelcome.”
“Also, if you’re upset then that means he has to deal with your feelings. Frankly, he doesn’t seem particularly interested in what you feel unless it somehow affects him.”
“When you made friends with her, I’m betting it drove home that you two make more sense as a couple than they do.”
“It doesn’t matter whether or not you’re attracted to her – what matters is that you’re the same age, it would be normal for kids your age to date, and he looks like the third wheel.”
“At the end of the day, this is what happens when a parent dates someone the same age as their kid. Yuck. NTA, and good luck.” ~ WistfulSaudade
“NTA. His age isn’t the sore subject.”
“Him creeping on girls young enough to be his daughter is, and the fact that she has more in common with his son should be a flashing neon sign.”
“He needs to grow up and act his age.” ~ Skippy2716
“NTA – your dad is a creep and he’s insecure because he knows he has little to offer his girlfriend apart from a place to live and financial security. He’s projecting those insecurities on to you because he realizes that his girlfriend would be better suited to someone closer to her own age.”
“You and your dad’s girlfriend were just trying to get along with someone they live with and someone who could be family someday. That’s a normal thing to do.”
“Your dad should work on this with a professional therapist, it’s possible that he’s either trying to go back to who he was when he was dating your mom by dating a 20 year old or he’s not even trying to have meaningful relationships with women closer to his age than his son’s because he doesn’t think he has anything to offer but money.” ~ heirloom_beans
The OP is damned if he does and damned if he doesn’t because he isn’t the problem. His father needs to either get his insecurities and jealousy under control or stop dating women his son’s age.
Which is exactly the advice his son gave him.