Purchasing memberships can be an exciting or risky move. They open doors to trying new things, but they also can be a waste of money if you don’t regularly use them.
But it seems purchasing a membership can also lead to hurt feelings, according to the “Am I the A**hole?” (AITA) subreddit.
Redditor sorrywife09871 discovered this when he purchased a family membership to the museum for his children, but there was a catch.
After receiving backlash, the Original Poster (OP) wondered if he didn’t think his plan through enough.
He asked the sub:
“AITA for putting our nanny on the family membership instead of my wife?”
The OP’s work schedule was considerably different than his wife’s.
“I’m a father of 2 kids.”
“My wife and I both work. She works considerably more than I do with less flexibility.”
“She also has a ton of responsibility at her job, where even if it’s her time off, if s**t goes down, she has to handle it.”
So he didn’t think it made sense to include his wife on a new membership.
“So a few weeks ago I took my kids to a local museum that they LOVED it, so I joined for a membership.”
“The membership is good for 4 people. You can add extras but it costs more.”
“I just did the 4 but instead of adding my wife as the other adult, I added our nanny.”
“9 times out of 10, it’s either me or our nanny taking the kids somewhere so it made sense.”
But the OP’s wife didn’t take this decision well.
“My wife discovered it after looking on our account because the kids and nanny are going today, so she wanted confirm the membership was good.”
“It hurt her feelings and I suppose she chose to take it out on me with anger.”
“She didn’t like my answer for why I did it and kept saying it ‘says a lot’ that I just put our nanny in the ‘mom slot’ instead of paying the extra $15 for her to be in there, too.”
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You’re the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
Some seriously questioned the OP’s line of reasoning.
“It would not have cost any more to put his wife and the mother of his children on his family plan, and bought the extra membership for the nanny. This guy has a really screwed up concept of what family is.” – MrsMurphysCow
“It’s $15 not $15,000. If it makes his wife feel secure and happy in the family and would have prevented all of what did happen, then I think it’s a worthy use of $15.” – Special-Parsnip9057
“So for $15 less, it’s okay to exclude the wife, make it harder for her to go as she would have to pay for her ticket which is most likely more than $15, when she has limited and highly valuable spare time?”
“Let’s take some of that time and make her stand in line to pay for a ticket instead of breeze through with a membership and maximize her time with the kids?”
“It’s okay to save $15 but essentially make it much harder for the wife to spend quality time with the kids? Wow, pretty sure $15 wouldn’t be much for a family of 2 working parents with a nanny…” – Purple_Elderberry_20
Others thought the OP made the right financial choice.
“Yeah but if it’s $15 extra a month, that’s $180 for her to have a slot, and if she only goes once, then they only get the use of one entrance fee, so if that is 10-15 dollars you wasted $170-165 just so she could feel included.”
“I really just think they need to talk about it more. It’s a family membership, and the nanny is part of the family, it’s definitely not unreasonable that she would get the slot when she would definitely be using it more.”
“She has a right to feel excluded as she is part of the family, but she chose her job knowing she has kids and would get left out of some stuff because she also has a lot of responsibility at work. There is NAH.” – bayleebugs
“Probably ‘family membership’ just means it needs to be 2 adults with 2 kids or whatever. Kids tickets are usually cheaper and the museum probably has that extra fee to account for adults.”
“I come from a frugal household so what OP did doesn’t seem asinine to me just cost-conscious.”
“My spouse would be the main membership holder for daily kid activities because he takes care of the kid during the day when those activities are running. Weekend stuff would be under me.”
“However, these sorts of discussions need to be made before a purchase is made, and if OP knows his wife is sensitive about this issue, yeah YTA. If that $15 is really inconsequential for the family’s budget, huge YTA.”
“Paying for kid’s activities/entertainment over the summer shouldn’t cause this much strife between parents. Improving communication and setting logical goals might help them work through this. Parenting is hard and not being on the same team working towards the same goals can make it impossible.” – Primary-Eggplant-612
“Agreed. He likely did it because the nanny goes to the museum with the kids way more often than the wife, so they save more money by doing things this way than adding the wife to the pass and the nanny as an extra. He most likely did it from a practical and frugal sense, not a malicious jab at his wife.”
“I would probably be a little stung too if I were in the wife’s shoes, but I don’t think OP is necessarily an AH for doing things this way? I can see both sides. He probably didn’t realize this would hurt his wife, and the wife might be feeling like a poor mother or excluded. This just seems like poor communication than a deliberately malicious move.” – Wolvesrfun
The subReddit was divided on this one between sentimentality for the wife and practicality for the family’s financial budget.
Though it saves a little money, it seems like a gesture worth making to the OP’s wife and mother of his children, not to mention the time that would be wasted in line for a woman who already spends ample time at work.