Making it as an influencer these days can be difficult.
The lane has been inundated with so many people who want to make a fortune.
Like any business and brand, the build takes time.
But rise to fame can be difficult when one has heavy life responsibilities.
Influencers with partners have a lot to answer for.
Case in point…
Redditor Naive-Idea7440 wanted to discuss his experience and get some feedback. So naturally, he came to visit the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit.
He asked:
“AITA for telling my wife that she would be infinitely more useful cooking and cleaning than chasing her dream?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“I’m 39 and M[ale]. My wife is 36.”
“We have two sons, 5 and 3.”
“Two years ago, my wife approached me one day and told me that she was interested in making some money off of Instagram.”
“I thought it was a fine idea, as she was home during the day and couldn’t work because our younger son was still too small.”
“We’re fortunate that I make enough money to support our lifestyle comfortably, and I encouraged her to go for it.”
“Unfortunately, in the past two years as a hopeful Instagram influencer, she has not made a single cent.”
“Her earlier attempts at gaining followers were for post-partum fitness, and since she knows nothing about fitness, that went nowhere.”
“She tried to make exercise guides where she would do these bizarre mobility movements, and these would only get a few views.”
“She moved on to doing makeup tutorials, which similarly fell flat, likely because there are a billion such channels out there.”
“Then she jumped onto this slice-of-life train, where she would make videos talking about her day, but to be frank, they all were pretty boring, and she failed to attract any attention.”
“The issue isn’t that she’s trying.”
“The issue is that she spends the overwhelming majority of her waking hours on Instagram and skirts her household responsibilities.”
“I wake up at 5 am, go for a run, come home, make breakfast for everyone, then make lunch for our older child and myself, and take him to kindergarten.”
“I go to work until about 5 pm, get home around 5:30, make dinner for everyone, wash most of the dishes, tidy up a bit, bathe our sons, play with them, and go to bed.”
“She wakes up at 7:45, usually later because she was up late on Instagram, lies down on the sofa as I do everything, and while I’m at work she works on her Instagram more.”
“Any attempt to get her to do something is met with complaining.”
“The other day I finally got fed up with her because I walked in the door to a complete disaster zone of things strewn everywhere, the laundry not done, and a sink full of dirty dishes.”
“I asked what she had done all day, to which she responded she was ‘busy.'”
“I snapped at her and told her that her Instagram is going nowhere and that I’ve put up with it for two years longer than I should have, and that she would be infinitely more useful cooking and cleaning.”
“She got this horrified look on her face and walked away.”
“She went into the bedroom (naturally looking at her phone) and left me to deal with everything that night.”
The OP was left to wonder:
“AITA for how I reacted to her?”
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed some options to the question AITA:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Many Redditors declared OP was NOT the A**hole.
“There’s a reason that these things are usually side hustles until they go big.”
“It’s hard to make it.”
“Having no job, bringing in no income, and contributing nothing to the household is not a realistic way to be a good partner.”
“Could you have worded it better or been more tactful?”
“Sure, but I get how you would just kind of snap in the moment. NTA.” ~ Redlight0516
“A side hustle might be selling something on Etsy or similar.”
“That would be a side hustle because even if it doesn’t go big, it is still something small in terms of returns.”
“Maybe a few 100 a year.”
“This isn’t a side hustle.”
“It’s a distraction and a waste of time.” ~ citizenecodrive31
“I have the perfect idea for her – needs to start filming him and rebrand her Instagram as ‘lazy lucky wife.'”
“Post shots of him getting up at the crack of dawn, coming back from his run sweaty, making food and lunches while in a tie and dress shirt sleeves rolled up, etc.”
“She’ll get a lot of negative feedback, BUT people will be subscribing just to see what OP is making for dinner (note: get a cute apron).”
“Maybe OP could grow some herbs in little pots.”
“A little video of some fresh chives being snipped into some cream cheese for a Sunday morning breakfast would be 🔥.”
“Oh, wait!! Never mind, It’s all just more work for OP to do.”
“She needs a 9-5.” ~ cakivalue
“Maybe OP should get a GoPro and attach it to himself, record all morning, and end it as he walks into the office, then start it back up as he leaves the office ending with him turning the lights out to go to sleep.”
“He can then edit it with a few seconds of each ‘task’ and upload it to IG and tag his wife in it. She will get attention then, it just won’t be the kind she wants, but it might be what OP needs.” ~ Environmental_Art591
“She’s got the answer to the great ‘how to get hubby to do a bunch of household chores and childcare so I can sleep late and spend most of my waking hours playing on my phone’ dilemma.”
“NTA, OP.” ~ JazzyKnowsBest13
“NTA. I think your reaction is a normal breaking point.”
“She tried. You should be encouraging around that.”
“She even pivoted. It’s not that you don’t believe in her.”
“But, it hasn’t worked even a little bit.”
“The children are still so young and she’s missing out on time connecting with them and with you. It’s not healthy.”
“Her continuing this is at the detriment of your family’s rhythm and routines and not what you imagined family life would look like.”
“Ask if it’s what she pictured either?”
“What does she picture an average day to look like?”
“I feel now that she’s so detached and staying up late, it all feels like she has an addiction to her phone and social media.”
“This is why social media is so nefarious. It’s changed her priorities, which started out innocent (to be creative and bring in extra money), to the point that her family is a burden.”
“It’s turned her brain to mush.”
“Sometimes this happens because, as moms, we are in sensory overload during those early years, and it’s so easy to escape or soothe with dopamine from the phone.”
“I’d approach it like an addiction, that it’s not about being supportive of dreams or pigeonholing her into a S[tay] A[t] H[ome] M[om] role, but rather that she isn’t balancing her ‘career’ and neglecting connecting with her family and pulling her weight with household responsibilities.”
“I would say that it’s to the point to draw a hard line.”
“A year of getting off social media and just focusing on the family and your marriage.”
“That no adult phones can be out around your children (and you both will step into another room if you need to look up a recipe or take a call), and both phones get put in a drawer at dinner time and at bedtime.”
“Break down the household tasks again, commit to reading books together (Fair Play Method), and if necessary there are digital detox getaways.”
“Be ready to support new growth, such as gym membership, share skill classes, hiking moms groups.”
“Just… not M[ulti]-L[level] M[arketing] or coaching schemes.”
“But, she does need an identity outside motherhood.” ~ hyperfixmum
“NTA, even if she was making money, she would still be neglecting your kids and her whole job as a stay-at-home mom.”
“You should have centered the conversation around that, she can be an influencer wannabe but she should still do her tasks.”
“I’m sure with having the kids at kindergarten she would still have the time to be an influencer, many of them center their content around cleaning the house or preparing meals.” ~ -_BitterSweet_-
“NTA. She thought being an influencer would be easy, but she was wrong.”
“Whatever it takes to be an influencer, she isn’t a good fit.”
“As your kids grow older, she’s going to need to figure out what she can do with her life.”
“At the same time, she’s going to need to pick up more of the household tasks.” ~ mifflewhat
“NTA. Maybe the wording wasn’t the best, but the sentiment behind it (that she is neglecting her responsibilities) is valid.”
“It sounds like you’re the third wheel in your own marriage when her phone with the Instagram account is more important to her.”
“Be very careful she doesn’t try turning her hand and video camera to mommy blogging because that can easily turn exploitative, and she’s looking for social media validation.” ~ lemon_charlie
“The truth is, she’s not useful to her partner or her kids as-is.”
“And that’s not sustainable.”
“When she’s ready to talk, tell her that you want to see a business plan for identifying a market that’s not being served, and building her audience, and a timeline for becoming profitable.”
“Tell her if she’s going to treat social media like a job, then she has to perform like a manager with quarterly goals, projections for growth and revenue, and action items. It is 2024.”
“There is an abundance of material out there for her to use to get started.”
“And if that’s too big an ask — then she either has to get a jobby-job (even if the salary is eaten by daycare, at least she’s on the rolls for social security) or she has to up her game on the domestic front to prove she’s still willing to be a viable marital/family team.”
“You’re NTA, in my opinion.” ~ Top_Put1541
Well, OP, Reddit is with you.
You can’t do everything.
It may be time for a chat with a family therapist and maybe a headhunter.
Your wife needs to understand that she has home contributions to make as well.
Hopefully, she’ll understand.
Good luck.