Bringing a new baby home comes with endless joy for new parents.
As well as an almost equal amount of stress and worry.
As babies are gentle, delicate, and completely helpless, just about every new parent fears that just about anything could harm them.
Of course, some parents are a bit more relaxed about these matters, feeling that their unconditional love towards their child will ultimately protect them. When two parents stand on different sides of this particular fence, the parenting stress level tends to rise.
The husband of Redditor throwawayparent0x0 was more on the relaxed side when it came to parenting.
In the eyes of the original poster (OP), he was a bit too relaxed, so much so that the OP actually feared for the safety of her child.
Feeling that her husband wasn’t hearing her concerns, the OP felt slightly more drastic measures were necessary.
Measures that did not please the OP’s husband one bit.
Fearing she might have gone too far, the OP took to the subReddit “Am I The A**Hole” (AITA), where she asked fellow Redditors:
“AITA for ‘having an intervention’ about my husband’s parenting?”
The OP explained why she felt it necessary to host a parenting “intervention”:
“We have a 10-week-old baby.”
“Husband (28 M[ale]) absolutely adores him and wants to spend every available moment with him.”
“I know he wants to be an amazing father, however he engages in unsafe behaviors like falling asleep on the couch while baby is contact napping, leaving baby on the play mat unattended while the dog is in the room or putting baby for a day nap with his bib still on.”
“Husband claims I’m too anxious, making a big deal out of nothing.”
“Baby can’t roll yet and the dog won’t hurt him, he holds baby firmly while sleeping etc.”
“And I admit I don’t react calmly and freak out, which makes him act defensive.”
“But he is being unsafe, and it stresses me out.”
“I feel like I can’t leave him alone with the bab,y which only offends him more.”
“Last week, I had enough and asked my MIL and SIL to talk to him.”
“They took my side and ripped him a new one.”
“Now husband is angry that I brought him into it and made ‘a whole intervention’ like he’s such a bad dad.”
“AITA for insisting my husband change how he acts around the baby, and involving his family?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
The Reddit community resoundingly agreed that the OP was not the a**hole for holding an “intervention for her husband.
Everyone agreed that the OP was making the safety of her child a priority and that she was not, nor did she ever, tell her husband that he was a bad father, just that he needed to be more careful:
“‘Like he’s such a bad dad.”
“‘Never said you were a bad dad, but you ARE being an UNSAFE dad.'”
“And you ARE being a bad husband because you are disrespecting me by not listening and basically forcing me to involve your family, and now guilt tripping me for putting our baby’s LIFE before your feelings’.”
“NTA.”- Swiss_Miss_77
“I’m an EMT.”
“Never, EVER leave a baby unattended with the dog.”
“Ever.”
“Dogs, especially big breeds, can do serious harm to adults.”
“I’m sure I don’t need to tell you what can happen if it decides to lunge at a baby.”
“NTA at all.”- Dry_Field_4621
“NTA.”
“Your husband is the a**hole. He is doing dangerous things that could genuinely kill the baby.”
“Safe co-sleeping does exist, but not with anyone but the breastfeeding parent for the first few months.”
“Even then, you need to set up a space following the safe sleep 7.”
“I am sick of men not educating themselves on this and forcing you to do the labor of finding sources to teach him how to be a parent when you yourself are new to it too.”
“And then he doesn’t even listen to you.”
“I would be livid. if he isn’t willing to educate himself, he has to default to your knowledge.”
“He doesn’t get a say in any decisions if he’s not knowledgeable about anything.”-RevolutionaryHelp451
“NTA.”
“He’s putting ur baby at risk, it’s not about being ‘anxious,’ it’s about safety.”
“Maybe show him some info about safe sleep and infant safety.”
“Its good u got ur MIL and SIL involved because he clearly wasn’t listening to you.”- Autumndriftt
“NTA.”
“I have an acquaintance that killed her own baby by co-sleeping.”
“She suffocated her own child at only weeks old while she slept.”
“She woke up from her nap to a corpse next to her because she neglected safety precautions.”
“She now blames everyone but herself and acts like it wasn’t her fault.”
“Deep down, though, she knows.”
“Imagine living with that!”
“And how much denial you would have to be in not to off yourself.”
“This is why it’s so f**king dangerous.”
“It absolutely kills infants.”
“Babies can not protect their own breathing.”
“All it takes is a blanket over their face, or, God forbid, the rolling of a full-sized adult onto the child, and the baby dies fast.”
“Your husband is putting your child in danger.”
“Unsafe sleep is probably the largest cause of SIDS deaths.”
“You needed to do something ASAP to wake him up out of his own stupidity.”
“Don’t let it take the death of your infant for him to see the error of his ways just because he has too much pride and ego to admit he’s wrong until the worst happens to prove it.”
“I would literally remove his access to the baby for safety reasons or I’d never forgive myself if he doesn’t make an immediate change.”- ManagementFinal3345
“NTA.”
“‘husband is angry that I brought him into it and made “a whole intervention” like he’s such a bad dad’.”
“He was free to start behaving as a responsible parent on his own.”
“But he did not, forcing your hand.”- StAlvis
“NTA.”
“I’d rather an angry husband than a dead baby.”- Loud_Ad_6871
“NTA.”
“I know personally a 10-week-old baby that died because a parent fell asleep with them on the couch.”
“The baby slipped in between the couch and the parent.”
“They were a very experienced, competent parent with other children that never had a problem.”
“It didn’t matter.”
“Things can happen so fast.”
“However freaking out and screaming isn’t going to help.”
“Tell your husband sorry for screaming and involving his family, but you felt you didn’t have a choice since you felt he wasn’t hearing you, and you feared for the baby’s safety.”
“Try to end it on a positive note and tell him all the things he does that you love and appreciate.”
“Hope he can wake up and see it’s about safety and not an attack on his character.”- HomeworkNecessary228
“NTA.”
“The sleeping while holding baby one is a HUUUUGE potential safety issue, as is the dog.”
“A safe baby is more important that hurt feelings.”
“Honestly, the way this is going doesn’t bode well for the next 18 years.”
“Good luck.”- Independent-Wheel354
“NTA.”
“‘I know he wants to be an amazing father, however he engages in unsafe behaviors like falling asleep on the couch while baby is contact napping, leaving baby on the play mat unattended while the dog is in the room or putting baby for a day nap with his bib still on’.”
“He is being unsafe & has to start listening up.”
“Normally, I err on the side of ‘fix things between spouses,’ but you’ve tried to talk to him & it didn’t work, so I don’t blame you for involving his family.”
“Better a temporarily butt-hurt husband than a hurt baby.”- Apart-Ad-6518
“NTA.”
“Your baby’s safety is important and comes first, not your husband’s ego.”
“I’m sure that every parent thinks it’ll never happen to them until it does.”
“It’s not something your husband should take lightly.”
“Why risk it when following safety measures means your child would be safe and not following them means if he’s wrong your child could be seriously injured or die or be taken by CPS.”
“If he can’t put your child’s safety first over his own feelings, then I’m sorry, but he isn’t a good dad just yet.”
“He could be, but he isn’t until he realizes that he shouldn’t take risks with your child or act like he knows everything because if he’s wrong, it could cost you both your child.”
“The fact that he’s getting angry at you for involving his family when he’s the one who didn’t listen to you and is wrong is astonishing.”- 06mst
It’s clear that the OP’s husband loves their son more than anything.
So much so that safety doesn’t seem to be a concern of his.
One hopes after he takes a breath, he might stop and think about everything his wife, sister and mother told him.
One thing that could definitely help him think more clearly is if the OP reminds him of what a wonderful father he is.