It is important to give credit where it is due.
No one individual should be recognized for an accomplishment in a team effort.
Rather, every member of the team who helped make it a success should be acknowledged.
Of course, when only one person did all the work, then they really should be the only one being honored.
No matter how deserving others may feel.
Redditor Routine-Shirt6500 recently helped a former colleague earn a position at her new company.
While the original poster (OP)’s colleague was grateful for their new job, they also felt they deserved more.
Something the OP strongly felt she was the only one deserving of.
Concerned she may have been selfish, the OP took to the subReddit “Would I Be the A**hole” (AITA), where she asked fellow Redditors:
“WIBTA for not sharing my referral bonus with a new hire?”
The OP explained why she was in a less-than-sharing mood with her colleague:
“I (29 F[emale]) recently referred an ex-coworker to the company I currently work for, and I’d appreciate a second opinion on something that’s been bothering me.”
“For context: I used to work remotely with Mike at a previous company.”
“We were in the same department, got along well, and were both consistently praised for our work, but we weren’t close—just friendly colleagues.”
“I left that job 8 months ago due to poor management, and thanks to a referral from another coworker, I landed at my current company, which I really like.”
“Four months ago, I saw an opening that Mike would be a great fit for, so I referred him.”
“He got the job.”
“Two months in, he messaged me asking about a referral bonus, which I honestly didn’t even know existed.”
“He mentioned someone from HR told him I’d be getting one and suggested maybe I should share it with him.”
“That felt a bit off to me for a few reasons:”
“Why is HR discussing my bonus with someone else?”
“If the company wanted to reward both of us, they could’ve split it upfront.”
“The person who referred me didn’t share their bonus with me, and I didn’t expect them to.”
“I kind of brushed off the comment with a joke and moved on.”
“But today, Mike messaged me again, saying the same HR person suggested I should take him to dinner with the bonus.”
“For the record, I still haven’t even received the bonus yet.”
“The truth is, I don’t want to share it.”
“I have home repairs and other personal expenses, and honestly, I find it a bit inappropriate that HR is making suggestions like this and that Mike keeps bringing it up.”
“I’m planning to make another joke and move on, but it’s been bothering me.”
“Would I be an a**hole for not sharing the bonus?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
The Reddit community resoundingly agreed that the OP was not the a**hole for refusing to share her referral bonus with Mike.
Everyone tough that the OP was the one who referred Mike to her company, then she, and no one else, was worthy of the referral bonus.
Others asked if it was safe for the OP to stay at this company if HR told Mike, and not her, about this bonus, which not everyone believed was the case:
“NTA.”
“And be clear that you never received the bonus and that thanks to your referral, he was able to get a new and (probably better paying) job.”
“Also, I would quietly consider finding out who at HR is sharing that information as it is generally considered to be improper.”- positmatt
“NTA.”
“Mike is an AH, the JOB is his bonus.”
“I’d ask him directly who in HR is telling him this because you’d like to discuss it with the head of HR if that is company policy.”
“If he’s telling the truth, he’ll have no problem, right?”
“Stay away from Mike.”
“He’s got questionable ethics.”- OverRice2524
“NTA.”
“If anyone owes someone a dinner, it’s Mike who got his new job because of you.”
“Call HR and ask them why someone is sharing information about a mythical bonus that you have not received with a new hire.”- Individual_Ad_9213
“NTA.”
“I seriously doubt HR actually suggested that, as it would be inappropriate.”
“Pretty sure he’s lying.”
“Guess that’ll be the last time you recommend him for a job.”- Suspicious_Juice717
“NTA.”
“It’s your bonus for the referral.”
“Mike’s bonus is a job, which may or may not have a salary increase.”
“He had the opportunity to negotiate a signing bonus, which I suspect he would not have shared with you.”- Homer4598
“NTA.”
“I have a friend who has referred me to 3 different companies, and they all hired me.”
“She got a bonus from each one.”
“I never asked her for part of her bonus because I got a job from it.”
“That’s how it works.”
“If he wants a referral bonus, he needs to recruit someone.”- Dizzy_Emotion7381
“NTA.”
“I don’t think the HR person is suggesting this. I think Mike is suggesting this.”
“But I would check in with HR to see who is telling him tales about referral bonuses and maybe talk about the harassment of Mike demanding dinner or a split.”
“I would very much regret my referral at this point.”- PreviousPin597
“NTA.”
“I see a referral bonus that way.”
“I am vouching for someone with my good standing in that company, and if that person f*cks up?”
“It falls back negatively on me.”
“A referral bonus is the carrot dangling in front of you to take that risk.”- UnhappyCryptographer
“NTA.”
“‘suggested maybe I should share it with him’.”-
“FFS, why would you?”- StAlvis
“NTA.”
“Ask Mike if he’s going to be sharing his salary with you for helping get him the job.”
“HR said he should.”
“F*ck Mike!”
“Send an email to all of HR, cc’ing your boss stating what Mike has told you and state you haven’t received any referral bonus (they are generally paid after the new hire has been there for a specific amount of time), but that it has been said to Mike that he should receive a portion of it.”
“You’d like to know where in the employee handbook it states that, and if this is the case, you expect a portion of the referral bonus the employee who referred you received.”
“Also, at the end of the email, ask Mike to inform everyone who the HR person was who told him this in case they need additional employee handbook training.”-
Right-Breadfruit-662
“NTA.”
“You got him a job.”
“That salary is more than any bonus.”
“As you said, they’d give him a bonus if they wanted to.”
“Are you sure HR is suggesting these things to him, and he isn’t lying?”
“Seems very un-HR.”- DanCynDan
“NTA.”
“Don’t forget that you’ll pay taxes on this money, too, so giving half would mean that’d you’d get less than half.”
“Whoever in HR is suggesting to split/share the bonus is way off base.”
“That needs to be reported to the head of HR and the Ombudsman’s Office.”
“Tell Mike to remove you from his reference list as you won’t be making the mistake of referring him again.”- KatzAKat
“NTA.”
“You never promised Mike that you’d share the bonus.”
“It’s pretty presumptive of him to ask about it.”
“The purpose of referral bonuses is to reward employees for bringing good people to the job.”
“If they wanted to entice new hires, they’d offer hiring bonuses, which Mike would be entitled to.”
“You should contact HR to find out what, if anything, they’ve told Mike and if such a bonus truly exists.”
“He may be operating off false information or flat out trying to extort you.”- Wild_Ticket1413
“NTA.”
“It’s your incentive to refer people for jobs they want to be filled.”
“I would make sure the bonus hits my bank account before saying anything to HR.”
“They could have, potentially, created a poor work environment for you with the information they shared.”
“Nor should they be setting his expectations that the bonus would be shared with the new hire, or that you ‘owe’ him some nice dinner for referring him for the job.”
“Tell Mike that if he wants a referral bonus, he should get busy and refer someone himself.”- LaLunaLady1960
“NTA.”
“You already gave Mike a bonus by referring him in.”
“Without that referral his CV would be sitting in a pile with hundreds of others.”
“It might not be a huge boost for him, but it’s definitely a boost that most in the pile don’t get.”- tosser9212
It’s hard to imagine why Mike thinks he’s worthy of a referral bonus when the OP was the one who did the referring.
If anything, Mike should be the one to take the OP out for a nice meal as a thank-you gesture for helping him get the job.
Ironically, this seems like a discussion the OP needs to have with HR.
If only to determine if everything Mike told her was true.