The price tags for college degrees and higher education have been skyrocketing for the last several decades.
What some schools charge with a straight face is anxiety inducing.
For some families, parents in particular, that’s lead to a crackdown on what majors will and will not be supported financially.
So who gets to chose what?
Case in point…
Redditor Impressive-Mix-31 wanted to discuss his experience and get some feedback. So naturally, he came to visit the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit.
He asked:
“AITA for choosing not to pay for my daughter’s university fees despite paying for her brothers?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“My (57 M[ale]) daughter Jane (21 F[emale]) has recently been accepted into the university of her choice.”
“Now me and my wife (55 F) are glad with this news, the only thing is that Jane got accepted to do an English degree.”
“Now Jane, compared to her two brothers Mark (28 M) and Leo (30 M) was quite late in applying to university.”
“When me and my wife asked her to start at 18 she claimed that she was not ready and wanted to have a ‘little rest.'”
“A little rest being going out with friends and travelling the whole of last year with her boyfriend.”
“It should be noted that I supplied Jane with all the money needed for her little rest.”
“Now me and my wife have nothing against Jane doing what she did, she’s young and young people live to explore and do what they do.”
“However before me and my wife allowed for Jane to do her thing we made her promise that when she did apply to university it was for a degree that was worth it.”
“Jane was going through a weird phase where she wanted to be many things that were more on the creative side.”
“Fast forward a year later we find out that Jane’s gone behind our backs and applied for an English degree.”
“Both Leo and Mark took medical degrees and are now very good, well payed doctors.”
“One would think that this would motivate Janet to go on the same path but instead she has decided to be ‘herself.'”
“I sat down Jane last night and told her that if she decided to go through with the English degree, I would not support her at all.”
“And that she would have to take out her own student loans.”
“At this, she began crying, claiming that I was the ‘worst dad ever’ and had always favored her brothers over her (because I had paid for their university fees).”
“Now, this is totally incorrect.”
“I did literally pay for her travel all of last year.”
“My sons think that I’m being too harsh and that I should simply support Jane regardless of what she chooses.”
“But is it too much to ask of my daughter to follow through with an actually useful degree?”
“So AITA?”
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed some options to the question AITA:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Many Redditors declared OP WAS the A**hole.
“YTA. If it were because you paid an equal amount to her travels as her brother’s education, I would say NTA.”
“But because she chose a degree you ‘disapprove’ of, you are punishing her.”
“Also, I have an English degree. Sure, I don’t earn as much as a doctor, but I’ve been a librarian for ten years and have helped thousands of people.”
“My pay is enough to keep me housed, fed, and comfortable.”
“Edit: OP has admitted the daughter is the ‘black sheep’ of the family cause she’s always ‘gone against family norms.'”
“Imagine calling a family member a black sheep when all they wanted to do was study grammar.” ~ your-yogurt
“OP could have probably done with an English degree to know it is ‘paid’ not ‘payed.'”
“Aren’t English degrees sought after anyway?”
“Writing well is fundamental for many careers.” ~ Eelpan2
“Also, the fact that he spelled ‘paid’ two different ways, ‘payed’ and ‘paid’ within a single post.”
“You’d think he would understand the value of an education in its own right, just based on the fact that his own grasp of the fundamentals seems awfully precarious.”
“But then, I never understand these posts whinging about kids who aren’t choosing ‘useful’ degrees, as if a university degree is a trade school certificate.”
“All education is useful because well… it’s education.”
“Pay for it, don’t pay for it, but if you don’t understand the value of an education for its own sake, then just say that.”
“OP is an ignoramus pretending that he actually cares about something important.” ~ FoolMe1nceShameOnU
“Librarians rule!”
“Also, OP, it is reasonable to want her to have a plan of some sort.”
“What does she intend to do with her English degree?”
“This is valid to ask her and to want her to have a good answer.”
“If she just wants to go to university and have fun, and this seems like the easiest way for her (note it is not easy, but people assume it is), then that’s not a good way to spend money.”
“Or ‘I’ll figure it out later’ might or might not turn out poorly.”
“What does she want to do with her life?”
“Why does she want an English degree?”
“There are plenty of reasons why this could be a very smart and responsible choice for her.”
“YTA… because you are just pissed she’s not going to be a doctor.”
“If she’s more of a creative type of person, forcing her into medicine or another science field will make her miserable later in life… if she even makes it all the way through college without dropping out first.” ~ Sleeping_Lizard
“YTA. Not everyone wants to do a medical degree.”
“It’s hard, it’s long, and it leads you to be a doctor, which isn’t for everyone.”
“An English degree is a good degree.”
“It’s NOT a silly degree or a useless degree.”
I totally understand why she says you favorite her brothers, and this is clear proof of that.” ~ DrSaks
“First, the past tense of ‘pay’ is ‘paid,’ not ‘payed.'”
“English degrees are useful! Second, gap years are not unheard of.”
“Did Jane know as you financed her travel that you were going to try to pick her academic major?”
“Your sons seem kind and smart.”
“You are free to do what you wish with your money, but on this, YTA.” ~ Inner-Show-1172
“YTA. This is her life, her future career.”
“She can and should choose a degree that aligns with her plan.”
“She is not ‘going behind your back.'”
“She is making choices for her life.”
“You do not mention specifying that college money could ONLY be used for medical school.”
“You should not be dictating what future career your children HAVE to have.”
“Not everyone wants to be a doctor – and there’s nothing wrong with that!”
“Besides, an English degree is going to cost you less than medical school.”
“Your sons see that you are TA.”
“Their sister wants to go to college and get a degree.”
“You paid for them, but you refuse to pay for her.”
“This is unfair. They know it. Why don’t you?” ~ MbMinx
“You also can’t force a person to adapt to a career of your choosing.”
“They may not have an affinity for it and would crash and burn in the attempt.”
“People generally know what they will excel at.”
“Or, their guidance counselor does.”
“I’m sure the daughter in question is choosing something she feels she could do well in.”
“And who knows where this will take her?”
“She’s at the start of her academic journey, and just being in college could help her get a feel for what she’d like to do and be good at.” ~ UnicornBoned
“YTA. If you pay for one kid, you should pay for all kids.”
“And to determine that what she’s interested in is ‘not worth it’ is a jerk move.”
“Let your kid study what she wants.” ~ NotCreativeAtAll16
“YTA- just because she doesn’t want a medical degree doesn’t mean she is going to be a failure.”
“I understand you funded her travels, so maybe try and balance that out with her college degree (her paying for one year and you paying for the rest, etc.).”
“You do sound like you favor your sons if you pay for their college and not hers.”
“All because she doesn’t want to be a doctor.” ~ krubaisy
“YTA… you sound crazy judgmental about people’s degrees and lifestyles.”
“You should be happy she wants to go to college and not work a minimum wage job the rest of her life with no degree.”
“Yeah, she might not make six figures every year but sounds like she’s trying to pursue something she would enjoy and not what you enjoy.”
“Good for you for paying for her good times, but seems like you resent her for it.” ~ Slowburner_
“I think this is a little unfair.”
“It’s completely and utterly up to your daughter to make her own life decisions, even if they aren’t what you’d have wanted.”
“Who’s to say she doesn’t become a teacher after her studies?”
“Just because she doesn’t want to live her life how you want her to doesn’t mean you should treat her any less.”
“Personally, if I was your daughter, I would do what I want and get a student loan.”
“That way, she won’t feel like she owes you anything, and she can be independent.”
“Though on the other hand, it’s up to you who and how you spend your money, but I got to say… YTA.” ~ Complex-Pen-6541
OP came back with some deets…
“No, my daughter’s year of travel does not add up to her brothers’ tuition fees, not even close.”
“For those wondering, I work as a cardiologist.”
“Me not wanting my daughter to do an English degree is not because I’m sexist but because I want her to do something useful which she can live off instead of depending on me for the rest of her life.”
“I don’t even know if this is something she really wants to do or if it’s another way of trying to rebel against me.”
Well, OP, Reddit is not with you here.
You get to do what you want with your money, but it sounds like there will be some heavy consequences for your family.
Education is education.
Sounds like it’s time for a big family sit down.