Nearly everyone has attended a handful of slumber parties during their younger years.
Most of us have attended at least one slumber party that proved to be a total bust, too, agreed the “Am I the A**hole?” (AITA) subReddit.
Redditor dadofagirl wasn’t sure what to do when one of the girls at his daughter’s slumber party began yelling at everyone else to go to bed at her bedtime.
When his daughter wished that she would go home, the Original Poster (OP) did the only thing he could think to do.
He asked the sub:
“AITA for sending a girl home?”
The OP was supportive of his daughter regularly having slumber parties.
“My (38 Male) daughter (12 Female) often has sleepovers throughout the summer.”
“Honestly, we’re kind of that house anyway. I feel there are always some kids over, even just to hang out during the day.”
“I don’t mind. I’m a single dad, and my daughter is an only child. So long as the kids are respectful and their parents are cool with it, let them raid the fridge and chill.”
The OP’s daughter’s most recent slumber party didn’t go as well with a new invite.
“My daughter met a new friend, a neighborhood girl that’s the same age as her. We’ll call her ‘Monica.’ Monica’s parents are a little stricter, which I respect.”
“My daughter had another sleepover on the Fourth of July. Monica was among the group. I took the girls to watch some fireworks then took them home and left them to do whatever.”
“Around 9:00 PM, I heard some bickering and headed into the den where they were. Monica said she wanted to go to bed. The other girls kept saying they weren’t tired. They honestly stay up pretty late.”
“Monica said she had a strict bedtime and liked to stick to it. I came up with the compromise that if Monica wanted to go to bed, she could sleep in my daughter’s room (the girls usually sleep in the living room) while the rest had fun. Monica was clearly a little disappointed that they weren’t going to stop the fun for her but agreed. I went back to what I was doing.”
“A half-hour later, I hear Monica storming downstairs and chastising the other girls because they were being too loud. My daughter said that it wasn’t fair to expect them to censor themselves.”
“I tried to stay out of it but eventually went in there and asked to speak to my daughter privately.”
“She said she wanted Monica to go home.”
“I said alright, made Monica grab her stuff, and walked her home. Monica was once again upset.”
There were consequences for the OP’s choice.
“Monica’s parents are angry with me. They claim the girls should’ve just gone to bed early once.”
“My daughter doesn’t even go to bed at 9:00 PM on school nights, let alone in the summer at a sleepover.”
“I said it wasn’t fair to expect the girls to stop their fun or stay quiet. I suggested maybe Monica isn’t ready for sleepovers.”
“This didn’t help. My daughter does admit she didn’t tell Monica that they usually stay up pretty late but also said she thought it was common knowledge that sleepovers are like that.”
“Am I wrong for having Monica leave without trying to problem-solve more?”
“AITA?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You’re the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
Some challenged the OP and called him the AH for getting involved in the argument.
“YTA because you should have let the kids work out this issue instead of helicoptering in.” – nemojules
“Monica and her parents sound like uptight killjoys, but I wouldn’t have agreed to send her home.”
“I would have told my daughter that she invited her, it would be rude to kick her out, she’s going to just have to grit her teeth and deal with Monica this time, and know not to invite her to any more sleepovers going forward. So, soft YTA.” – Affectionate-Ad3584
“YTA. Sorry, I don’t really think you’re an a**hole, but good gracious man, you need to read up on teens and their social behaviors. Yes, Monika was having a fit, but you have no idea what those girls were doing or saying to her when you weren’t in the room.”
“What if they were teasing her, calling her fat or otherwise tormenting her and she just wanted to go to bed… but didn’t want all the other girls to hang out together talking smack about her? Even if Monika was being totally ridiculous for no reason, which as a mom to four daughters, I seriously doubt, your daughter must learn to be a gracious hostess.”
“Now, Monika is out of their friend group. Likely, those girls will isolate her at school and soft bully her. This stuff is barely perceptible to parents, because we only see our own kids’ side of the story, and we don’t consider that they may not be socializing well.”
“The bottom line is, you weren’t in the room and weren’t there to witness any nonsense or ganging up on Monika. You need to call her parents, and apologize, and have your daughter apologize, too.” – Recent_Ad_4358
“You don’t think your daughter and her friends should have to be quiet enough to not disturb another guest who is trying to sleep? They could have easily kept the volume down and just not invited her next time. She was also unreasonable, so ESH.” – Internal_Progress04
“ESH. Monica sounds like she’s … still figuring out how to be pleasant in social situations … but I feel like you could have done more to try to make it work.”
“Did she need to go home? Probably. Could you have called her parents first and explained the issue to get insight and see if there’s anything you should know/say/try? Yeah. I think you should have.”
“I could totally see my autistic son doing this if he wasn’t prepped to expect a late bedtime, complete with the stomping downstairs and telling everyone they’re too loud. Is it annoying that he is that way sometimes? Absolutely. And it doesn’t endear his peers to him, lemme tell you.”
“But I always appreciate a parent giving me a heads-up so we can try to address behavior in a way that won’t get him banned from all future friend gatherings. And sometimes just getting a clear, full explanation from his parents helps my son switch gears and go along with an unexpected schedule change.” – silverpsilocybin
“I think this is where the mistake was made. While you still need to be the parent in a house full of tween girls by helping them find a compromise, it’s not your job to go “back and forth” and make the problem go away yourself.”
“I would have explained to your daughter that if she wants to invite friends over, she has to accommodate her guests to some degree and not just dismiss them.”
“By sending the girl home, you’re enabling your daughter to engage in exclusionary behavior and not resolve her own problems. If she invites someone over, she has to deal with them herself. That will help deter her from inviting over every Sue or Sally in the future.”
“YTA for sending the girl home and not having your daughter take accountability herself. It’s a missed learning opportunity.”
“Good luck, though, I’m sure you’re doing your best, and dealing with tween drama is not easy.” – bloodgods
Others were supportive of the OP’s decision to step in during the slumber party.
“‘They claim the girls should’ve just gone to bed early once.’ What a laughable sentence.”
“It’s a bunch of 12-year-olds. They can stay up for a d**n sleepover. NTA.”
“I’m not sure what else you could have done other than let the girls bicker all night, ruining everyone’s time. The needs of the many outweigh the needs of the strictly raised.” – KronkLaSworda
“NTA, it does indeed seem like she isn’t ready for sleepovers or AT LEAST has different needs/preferences for a sleepover. You and your daughter were hosting, and it was unreasonable to expect the party to be shut down at 9:00 PM.”
“The original compromise made sense, but that seemed inadequate to Monica, who sounds like a pretty overbearing and unpleasant child to be chastising her peers like that.”
“The only thing I wonder is if you’d given Monica one more chance, maybe by saying something like, ‘Hey Monica, we don’t want to send you home, but we can’t just shut down the party, so do you want to go to bed here despite the noise or would you rather go home?'”
“But honestly, this was probably a good and needed lesson for both Monica and her parents. If they’re going to be that rigid and uncooperative while guests at someone else’s home, it’s probably a situation they should avoid.” – owls_and_cardinals
“‘A half-hour later, I hear Monica storming downstairs and chastising the other girls because they were being too loud.’ Pfft, girl, bye.”
“Monica seems a bit entitled, and apparently, the apple didn’t fall far from the tree.”
“I applaud you for initially not getting involved and then stepping in when you needed to and sticking with your daughter. NTA, by the way.” – Smart-Mango08
“NTA.”
“You tried to let it settle it for themselves, came up with a good compromise, spoke to your daughter privately, and returned Monica home safely.”
“I feel bad for Monica. I remember the sleepover I had at age 11 where my mom rented ‘Predator,’ and one of the kids said he wasn’t allowed to watch Rated R movies. We watched ‘Batteries Not Included,’ and Ronald was never invited to a party again.” – gleaming-the-cubicle
“NTA. Guests don’t get to set the rules for everyone else. Going to bed at 9:00 PM is pretty early, especially in the summer (in a lot of places, it’s still light out).”
“That’s not the norm for 12-year-olds, and Monica needs to realize that and also learn that when she goes to different places, there are always going to be different rules, and she needs to learn to adjust and be more flexible. Not everything is always going to happen just how she likes it… could be a good learning experience.”
“They’re only a couple of years away from high school, and people are going to be staying up a lot later.” – tdluxon
“NTA.”
“I was once the Monica in this story.”
“I came from a family with early bedtimes and also rules about what kind of things we could / couldn’t watch.”
“I went to a sleepover at a friend’s house, at a similar age, only to discover that they were planning on watching horror movies all night (which I wasn’t allowed to watch, and also didn’t want to watch because my nightmares are vivid enough without extra fuel, thank you very much).”
“I did not demand everyone else watched PG movies and go to bed early.”
“Instead, I hung out in my friend’s bedroom, reading books off her bookshelf while they watched movies. I’d go hang out with them in between movies or when they paused for snack breaks. We’d play games, eat, and chat, and then they’d go back to their movie, and I’d go back to my book in the bedroom.”
“I probably went to sleep around 10.30 PM (which was super late for me) while they pulled an all-nighter.”
“It’s okay to have personal preferences or different rules for yourself. But it’s not okay to expect everyone else to stick to your preferences or rules.” – smallishbear-duck
The subReddit could understand the frustrations of hosting a slumber party, let alone one where the tweens and teens are arguing about something seemingly mundane.
But they were more divided over how the OP had handled the situation, with some pointing out that sending the friend home was the perfect message, while others felt it would have been better to keep her there and come to a compromise.