Redditor ohohho5 is the father of twins who is about to divorce his wife.
Out of respect for his soon-to-be-ex, who is still the mother of their children, the Redditor managed to avoid revealing the real reason why mommy and daddy are going their separate ways.
But a comment relayed to him from their daughter would change the next sequence of events.
After dealing with the fallout of his reaction, he visited the “Am I the A**hole?” (AITA) subReddit and asked:
“AITA for telling my kids that their mom had an affair?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“My soon-to-be ex-wife and I have twins, 13 years old. I found out she had been having an affair with our gardener for a few years.”
“I don’t have proof I could use in court, however she was fired for sleeping with her boss which I do have proof of to use in court.”
“We had a strict prenup, any cheating would cause the other person to keep the house, most financial assets and primary custody of the kids.”
“My son kept asking me if mom did something wrong and why we’re getting divorced. I usually just said stuff like ‘mommy and daddy both love you, it’s just we aren’t compatible and we’ll try the best to work this out’ or something to avoid smearing my ex.”
“Yes I’m pissed and what she did was awful but she’s still their mother.”
“My daughter said ‘mom said it’s because dad kept being controlling and manipulative, and wouldn’t let her do stuff. He now has good lawyers to make him look bad.”
“I explained then, what really happened, her affairs, plus her wasting our money on frivolous stuff like Gucci clothing when we are falling behind on school fees, and utilities.”
“I explained how I wasn’t controlling and manipulative. I agree I could’ve been better and I told them where I fell short.”
“My ex-wife is now pissed saying how her kids think she’s a whore and how dare I turn them against her.”
“My son asked her how she could cheat. She told me I ruined their image of her, I told her that’s her own damned fault.”
“So yeah aita?”
Strangers online were asked to declare one of the following:
- NTA – Not the A**hole
- YTA – You’re the A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everybody Sucks Here
Plenty of Redditors saw no problem with the OP for responding the way he did to his daughter’s comment.
“She was turning your own kids against you but when you defend yourself she is suddenly the victim? NTA.”
“Dont serve it if you cant eat it.” – RatPoisonCupcake
“Funny what happens when a person speaks ill of another with lies…it’s like they either don’t even consider the repercussions or assume the person will be ‘the bigger person’ and take it because it would hurt the kids.” – Realistic-Animator-3
“Dad: kids we love you and sometimes things don’t work out but it will be ok.”
“Mom: kids your dad is an abuser and a bad person. His lawyer are going to say awful things about me because he’s mean and wants to hurt me.”
“Dad: kids your mom lived beyond our means and cheated on me. Twice. I cannot continue to stay in this relationship.”
“Mom: shocked Pikachu face”
“Nta. Your kids are old enough to know why.” – Murderbunny13
“NTA even though I think that you shouldn’t have brought it up, you were forced into it as your daughter gave a false narrative for the reasons the divorce was happening based on her mom’s words.”
“If your ex didn’t want the kids to know she was cheating, she shouldn’t have tried to paint you as the bad guy. She’s TA here.” – jammy913
“NTA. Your kids are old enough to understand the truth and the repercussions of said truth. They deserve to know the truth. It’s not fair that she gets to smear you with lies but you have to keep the truth secret.”
“Please though, as a child of divorce, keep them out of the rest of it. They don’t need to hear or know all the crap that’s gonna go on between you and the lawyers and your wife.” – thekelsey21
“NTA. She did this to herself. Get the kids therapy though. It’ll teach them how to deal with this in an age appropriate manner.”
“Also, look up any ‘middleman’ text services between you and your wife to make co-parenting easier on you.” – HWGA_Exandria
“NTA Your hand was kind of forced when she started down the path of parental alienation. I will say, that is probably as far as that conversation needs to go with the kids.”
“Don’t be the jerk that damages the kids by constantly talking about their parent, it sounds like your wife is going to have enough of that going around to overwhelm the kids.” – Apatheticforcredit
“NTA if she didn’t want a ruined image she could have done a very simple thing…not cheated on you. But since she did that she could have done the next best thing…not try to slander your image.”
“Why she felt the need to say things about you who knows but you did the right thing to let your kids know who their mother actually is. It’s now up to the kids whether or not they want to forgive or have a relationship with her.” – alibabe321
“NTA.. She tried to smear your imagine with the kids and you set the record straight with facts. I have been there myself. Tried to take the high road while ex was constantly telling lies about me.”
“It almost ruined my relationship with them. Finally one day I had enough and told them the truth about what why we broke up. That’s when they finally realized that their mom was just manipulating them against me.” – AdvantageSudden2837
“NTA. She tried to damage the relationship beween you and the kids and all you did was correct the information. You had no other logical option. Reinforce they are loved by both Mom and Dad and that the adult issues should not impact their relationship with their Mom.”
“If they are calling her names you should help stop that behavior. Be a good coparent even when she is not. Also get those kids in therapy as they are dealing with big adult problems.” – chicogrlinmass
Overall, a majority of Redditors believed the OP had his back up against the wall and said what he had to.
The commenters also suggested the kids don’t need to hear further details surrounding the divorce and that the OP should consider seeking professional help for the kids to assuage possible emotional trauma.