A husband made an indiscretion that landed him in the doghouse and now says his back “hurts like hell” after spending the night on the couch.
So what was the crime?
While in a “tipsy” state, Redditor IdiotDadTA flustered his wife when he talked about his young daughter’s looks to his brother-in-law (BIL).
Wondering if he was really out of line or if his wife was being irrational for exiling him from the bedroom, the Original Poster (OP) turned to the “Am I the A**hole” (AITA) subReddit and asked:
“AITA for telling my BIL my daughter is ugly?”
The OP admitted that the “title sounds bad” but asked Redditors to “hear” him out.
“My (37 m[ale]) wife (38 f[emale]) have a 9 year old daughter and my wife is also 7 months pregnant with our son. When our daughter was younger, she looked a lot like me but as she aged, she started to look more and more like her mom.”
“Please note that I have very very ‘manly’ features.”
“I was having a beer with my BIL in my backyard while our daughters played inside the house. We were getting a bit tipsy (it’s fine since his wife can drive). We got to talking about kids and how I wanted my son to take after me.”
“He brought up the fact that our daughter started out like my clone and I said ‘Yeah, thank God she’s slowly starting to look more and more like her mom. Can you imagine this I point at my face on a teenage girl? Her life would suck!.'”
“Well my wife was within earshot cause she was bringing us food. She dumped it in front of us and called me an a**hole for saying our daughter is ugly.”
“She walked back to the house crying and when I chased after her she told me to stay away. BIL and SIL left shortly after and I did all the cleanup myself and put my daughter to bed.”
“I wasn’t super drunk, just a bit tipsy. When I went to sleep my wife was still awake and she pretty much exiled me to the couch cause apparently I think our daughter is ugly. I tried to apologize for that but she wasn’t having it.”
“She’s pregnant so I didn’t want to stress her out. I spent an uncomfortable night on the couch and now my back hurts like hell.”
“My wife and daughter are still asleep as I’m typing this. I don’t think I did anything wrong but AITA? Is this her hormones or am I really callous for saying something like that?”
“Edit: just to clarify… No food was wasted. By ‘dumping it in front of us’ I meant she angrily put it on the table and stormed off. She’s not a monster.”
Anonymous strangers on the internet were asked if and where guilt belongs by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
- NAH – No A**holes Here
The scenario was summed up for what it really was.
“Drunk husband + pregnant wife = misunderstandings.” – juniperberry52
“NAH! All you said is that is good your daughter takes after your wife. If anything you called yourself ugly, or that you’d be an ugly woman.”
“The only reason the wife should’ve gotten the idea he called her daughter ugly is if she thinks herself as ugly, which would be a really weird (hormone-induced) self-deprecation.”
“I’d advise you to talk as calmly as you can with your wife and ask her what is that she heard because you don’t think you said anything that warranted that reaction and it may be a misunderstanding because even your BIL thinks so (Do call him before this talk to re-confirm this).”
“You got this OP!” – blaziken2708
“Not just that. As a dude I recognize that the comment is a compliment to both the wife and the daughter at the cost of OP.”
“It’s man speak for ‘I think my wife is beautiful and I’m glad my daughter takes after her.'” – 43799634564
And while a good majority declared NAH, some gave the OP’s drunk declaration a further analysis.
“I’d turn this back on OP’s wife. Is she getting this upset over it because she thinks the daughter is ugly? If she thought her daughter was the most beautiful thing in the world, dad’s comment shouldn’t have elicited this response.”
“Otherwise, it has to be the hormones because honestly it doesn’t even make sense. OP didn’t call the kid ugly.” – helencolleen
“Ehh, I can totally get why she’d be upset. If she can overhear her husband drunkenly talking about how ugly their daughter is, then so can the daughter. And that would definitely do some damage to her self esteem.” – appleandwatermelonn
“I mean to me it reads like hes almost saying hes glad his daughter is not ugly like him? It’s hard to tell with one side of a story as always, but this doesn’t read to me like a dad calling his daughter ugly. It reads to me like he was making a self deprecating joke.” – Devvewulk97
“I sort of get it, but realistically, he was just trying to be self-effacing, while simultaneously making a compliment to his wife and his daughter, which just got misunderstood.”
“I mean, it was obvious enough to me what he was trying to do, but I’m not preggers either and we have the benefit of contextualization and distance so.”
“As a sidebar, the whole ‘you sleep on the couch because I’m a woman and that’s what sitcoms tell me I’m allowed to do’ thing needs to friggin end like yesterday.” – DilbertedOttawa
Sometimes, things just get lost in translation when alcohol is involved.
“It is clear that you didn’t intend to insult your daughter. However it’s easy to say things when intoxicated( even tipsy) that sound alright in your head but come out not quite right.”
“I recommend waiting until she cools off and apologizing to your wife. Making it clear you love your daughter and were making a bad attempt at humor.”
“Maybe take your daughter and her out to ice cream if they enjoy that. Just be kind and make an effort not to say things that are insensitive. Its a good habit to have in life anyway. 1 out of 5 on the a**hole scale.” – Civil_Pomegranate648
However, if anyone had to be the villain in the situation, some people had this to say:
“It’s fine that she misunderstood, but she’s TA for not letting him explain and making him sleep on the couch.” – ARandomLlama
“Yes, kicking someone out of their own bed ALWAYS makes you an a**hole.”
“If you are that petty and angry go sleep somewhere else yourself.” – c0d3e
“Agreed. I’ve been married over 25 years, and never has either of us kicked the other out of bed.”
“The bed belongs to both of us. If someone is so mad that they don’t want to sleep with the other, it’s on them to find a different place to sleep. Neither of us have ever done that.” – mountaingoat05
Overall, Redditors declared NTA and chalked the whole thing up to misinterpretation.