Picking the perfect restaurant for a group can be difficult.
Everybody has their favorite places.
Everybody has their LEAST favorite places.
Appeasing everybody for a meal or a celebration can take some time and stress.
Maybe takeout is the way to go.
Redditor DMVThrowaway69 wanted to discuss their experience and get some feedback, so naturally, they came to the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subreddit.
They asked:
“AITA for declining my parents’ invite to a restaurant to celebrate my engagement with my fiancé?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“Partner and I recently got engaged, and my parents have offered to take us out to dinner to celebrate at my mom’s favorite restaurant.”
“The catch is that I really dislike this place.”
“I have made this known previously and it has even been a running joke with them about how I am terrified of the restaurant (which is fine! I can take a joke!) but it is just not making me feel very good that in order to celebrate us they offered to take us somewhere they know we don’t like.”
“The restaurant is fine.”
“It’s not even bad.”
“My problem with it is that it’s in my hometown and it’s a spot where, without fail, my parents will see their friends.”
“Their friends will come up to the table and say hi and stay and talk a bit.”
“I don’t dislike these people and gladly socialize with them in other contexts, but I just hate having to sit through these interactions while I’m at dinner.”
“We often see people from my high school, which also isn’t my favorite.”
“I am not a particularly socially anxious person, but I just really dislike this for some reason.”
“When I was invited, I tried to make a lighthearted joke about it being ‘my favorite, ‘ and my parents said they don’t want to drive very far.”
“I gently offered to chauffeur everyone somewhere else since it was a special occasion, and offered a list of places I love/have been wanting to try for the occasion.”
“This morning I was told off by my dad, saying that I was being rude and that when I am invited to dinner, the polite thing is to just say yes, not to ask to go somewhere else.”
“This whole thing is bothering me a lot more than I thought and kind of hurting my feelings and making me feel unseen.”
“It is putting me in a bad mood and making me want to stay home, since if I bring it up again, I will be the one making a big deal and being rude, etc, and I will never hear the end of it.”
“I feel the only way to keep this from being an issue is to go along with it and ‘celebrate’ somewhere I don’t even want to be just to please my parents.”
The OP was left to wonder:
“AITA?”
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed in on some options to the question AITA:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Many Redditors declared that OP was NOT the A**hole.
“NTA for declining.”
“This is such a ‘boomer move’… it relies on the good manners of others to get away with rudeness.”
“Your parents want the bragging ability to say they took you out to congratulate you, but they aren’t interested in it being nice for you, really, or a genuinely thoughtful gesture.”
“They want to do the easy thing, no matter whether it’s enjoyable for the people being celebrated, and any attempt to nudge this towards something real is called ‘rude’ so they can get away with it.” ~ SlinkyMalinky20
“NTA. They know you don’t like it there.”
“You offered reasonable alternatives.”
“And sucking it up and going isn’t working for you.”
“If they want to do something to celebrate you, this isn’t it.”
“Fine to decline.” ~ ScarletNotThatOne
“NTA. They’re just trying to show off for their friends.”
“It isn’t even about your engagement.”
“If they tell you you are being rude about it, remind them that they intentionally picked a restaurant you are not comfortable at because you know it will not be about your engagement but just them visiting with friends.”
“You will only go if they reserve a private room so you and they can actually celebrate.” ~ NeitherStory7803
“NTA. Just decline the invite, point out you are not a fan of the location they chose.”
“It’s your engagement, you have the right to celebrate at a place you and your fiancée like.” ~ Existing-Quote7936
“So I’m from a small town, and I think I understand.”
“This sounds like it is about your parents, who want to show you and your new fiancé off instead of a celebration dinner for you.”
“Going to a local restaurant (even one you don’t like) is the point.”
“They want their friends to interrupt dinner and say hi.”
“NTA… but you’re not going to talk them into another restaurant.”
“It’s not about you.” ~ Ok_Stable7501
“NTA. An invitation is not a summons.”
“A bit on the impolite side to suggest other venues, but then it is your parents, so not that big a deal.”
“Do the polite thing and decline the invitation.” ~ Odd-End-1405
“NTA. If your parents want to do something nice for you, maybe it should be something you actually enjoy.”
“Sounds less like a celebration and more like an excuse for them to socialize.”
“Honestly, offer to drop them off at the restaurant and go celebrate your engagement somewhere fun.” ~ Upstairs-Shoe6973
“The only failure of manners I see is insisting on taking you to a place they know you don’t like to celebrate your engagement.”
“That is rude.”
“Invite them someplace awful for their anniversary and see how ‘rude’ they feel objecting. NTA.” ~ No-Yam-1231
“You need to learn to use more of your backbone.”
“You’re an entire adult now, and it doesn’t matter if they aren’t pleased with your decision.”
“Go celebrate with your partner and call it a win.”
“Are you going to let them mow you down over future wedding and life decisions, too?”
“If you can handle this disagreement, it just might set you up to stand your ground, as needed in the future.” ~ bunny_842
“You are really making it into a big deal.”
“Look at it from their perspective.”
“Your parents wanted to take you to one of their usual restaurants to celebrate your engagement.”
“It’s a nice gesture.”
“You have this backstory that you don’t like that people you know and people you know frequent the restaurant.”
“That is what it’s like when you go back to your hometown.”
“Yes, they were stubborn in not moving it, and so were you.”
“So now a happy occasion has turned into a situation where you all want your way and want to win.”
“Clearly, this has much deeper roots than picking a restaurant.”
“NTA, but you are all being childish in ruining your celebration over who gets to pick the restaurant.”
“Now it’s a power play.” ~ alicat777777
“NTA. Your parents are.”
“I would decline it without giving any reason.”
“They already know the reason.”
“At some point in life, you put your foot down, irrespective of the relationships.”
“This is called growing up.”
“If you don’t put a stop to their AHolery, they will come back with another one.”
“Be bad once and stop it there.” ~ L8_Apexx
“So I’m from a small town, and I think I understand.”
“This sounds like it is about your parents, who want to show you and your new fiancé off instead of a celebration dinner for you.”
“Going to a local restaurant (even one you don’t like) is the point.”
“They want their friends to interrupt dinner and say hi.”
“NTA, but you’re not going to talk them into another restaurant.”
“It’s not about you.” ~ Ok_Stable7501
“Maybe your parents are uncomfortable eating out, and this restaurant is their favorite/most comfortable.”
“If the food is good and it’s their treat, accept and enjoy their company while you can.”
“I know it’s hard to believe we olders don’t want to antagonize you.”
“Just my opinion.” ~ ResponsibleSwim6528
“NTA. Grow a spine.”
“If someone invites me to a place I don’t like, I thank them, let them know it is a place I don’t enjoy going, but would like to go out with them somewhere else.”
“I’m not going to a place I don’t like unless it is to celebrate someone else.” ~ AcidReign25
“NTA, and it would be hilariously petty if you made a point of seating them with people they don’t want to talk to at your wedding.”
“But in actuality, I think you can also make the point that you don’t want to be subjected to your parents telling all the people in the restaurant about your good news and having to field all that attention while you’re just trying to eat.”
“Could lunch or something also be a compromise?”
‘If there’s a time that the restaurant is less crowded, you can avoid seeing so many people.” ~ matoiryu
“NTA. Can you afford to surprise them by taking them out to a restaurant of your choice?”
“After all, your dad would just have to suck it up and be polite.” ~ Physical-Bear2156
“You say yes when you want to go and no when you don’t.”
“They don’t get to force you to go somewhere you don’t want to go and then claim they did it for you.”
“I can understand not wanting to run into people when you simply want to enjoy your meal.”
“It is rude to interrupt a meal.”
“It is awkward trying to eat, and worse to end up with cold food.”
“Simply say you would rather not go, and take a pass. NTA.” ~ cgrobin1
Reddit is with you, OP.
It’s your engagement.
You should go somewhere you love.
Your parents will just have to understand.
Congratulations!!!