Sharing different cultures and traditions is something many people love to do for the holidays.
Learning about the ways other people celebrate life and faith can be fun for many.
However, not everyone appreciates being involved in certain festivities.
Often, what is meant to be festive and jovial can turn into a clash of lifestyles.
Redditor Correct-Cloud901 wanted to discuss her experience and get some feedback, so naturally, she came to the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subreddit.
She asked:
“AITA for telling my atheist roommate that her reaction to my festive decorations was unfair?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“So for context, I (19 F[eamle) was brought up in India but am currently at university in the US.”
“I share a dorm with 2 other girls, let’s call them Bailey and Hannah (both 19 F).”
“Diwali is one of the biggest festivals in my culture, and it’s always been a grand celebration with my entire extended family for me.”
“Hannah is an atheist, and that’s never really been an issue for me.”
“Her policy is basically ‘don’t force your religion onto me and I’ll be respectful,’ which I think is very reasonable.”
“Last year, Bailey, who is Christian, had decorated our room for Christmas (tinsel, a small decorated tree, stockings hung up), and Hannah had helped her out with putting up the tree.”
“I vividly remember her commenting on how ‘the festive mood was really nice.'”
“This year, since I’m busy on campus and can’t go home, I decided to bring home to me by decorating our room.”
“Out of common courtesy, I asked my roommates first, and Hannah shrugged and said she would ‘rather not have religious stuff around,’ but was fine with it as long as it wasn’t over the top.”
“I found that to be extremely reasonable, and keeping in line with her request, put up some fairy lights around the window, lit up some tea lights, and made a small mural out of flowers near the front door.”
“No statues of gods or religious symbols.”
“I also cooked some sweets, wanting to share my culture with my roommates.”
“Honestly, it reminded me of home and made me super happy.”
“Bailey loved the food and decor, but when Hannah got home, she looked shocked.”
“She started complaining that I had completely disrespected her boundaries and was pushing my religion onto her in her space.”
“I tried explaining that I respect atheism and that this was all cultural, not religious.”
“Then I said she was being unfair and hypocritical because she had no problem with Bailey’s Christmas decorations.”
“She said that was different since Christmas was more cultural in the States and didn’t involve gods or praying.”
“She’s been giving me the cold shoulder since. “
“I didn’t mean to offend her and genuinely thought I was being considerate.”
The OP was left to wonder:
“So… AITA?”
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed in on some options to the question, AITA:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Many Redditors declared that OP was NOT the A**hole.
“NTA. Your roommate isn’t an atheist so much as a racist, and you hit the nail squarely on the head: she’s OK with Christmas stuff (and for Christmas, the religion is right there in the name), although she has a point that Christmas in the US really doesn’t have much to do with religion any more, if it ever did.”
“Her issue is that by putting up Diwali decorations, you might get some brown gods on her.”
“Bide your time and throw a rainbow of colour on her at Holi.” ~ H_Lunulata
“As an Irish atheist, we’re currently decked out to a ridiculous extreme for Halloween.”
“We do the same for Christmas, and to a lesser extent Easter, Paddy’s Day, Dia de Los Muertos, Cinco de Mayo, Chinese New Year, and Valentine’s Day.”
“I’m working up to adding Diwali and Holi because they’re pretty (sorry, I’m that shallow!).”
“No festival is safe from us, and our attic is a sight to behold.”
“No atheist has ever been hurt by exposure to religious decorations.” ~ Gingerbread_Cat
“Right? Who doesn’t love Diwali??”
“It was a huge deal on my undergrad campus; the South Asian student association presented the first one when I was a sophomore, and we never missed it afterwards.”
“It was presented primarily as a cultural celebration (there was a dance about the kidnapping of Sita and the Rama/Ravana battle), and the student center was packed; amazing food, dancing, music.”
“All this is to say OP is as far from NTA as you can get, and we all know what Hannah‘s real problem is.” ~ AnotherDoubtfulGuest
“NTA. Hannah is a racist. The end.” ~ DrTeethPhD
“NTA, she’s blatantly racist, even though she definitely doesn’t realize it.”
“If she vandalizes it, get photos and go to your R[esident] A[ssistant] and campus ombudsman.”
“Don’t stop until you get to your new room. “
“This sucks, sorry.” ~ WeAreNotNowThatWhich
“I wouldn’t say that she doesn’t recognize it.”
“It was made abundantly clear to her.”
“Hannah is definitely the AH.” ~ drawkward101
“NTA – I’m not in the US or India, and Diwali is considered a cultural festival here.”
“Plus, what you’ve described sounds like general decorations for half the college dorms anyway.”
“Hannah is being racist, because she only accepts decorations from her culture.”
“But, being right doesn’t make it easier to live with her, and calling her racist will not improve your living situation.”
“I’d ask her to point out what the religious element is that she is seeing because the decorations you’ve described sound completely normal for a festival all about lights.” ~ Living-Ad8963
“NTA. Diwali decorations are literally lights and flowers, like you described.”
“That’s just joyful and warm!”
“Christmas decor is WAY more obnoxious!”
“I’m also an atheist, I’m Irish, and the church has done some AWFUL things here, but I’m not going around telling people their religious decor is disrespectful to me because that’s nonsense! “
“You’re not trying to convert her!”
“Sure, she doesn’t want you to push your religion on her, but her atheism shouldn’t curb your celebration either.”
“Especially when for you it’s about feeling connected to home as much as anything else, that’s exactly like Christmas!”
“You’re not asking her to pray, you’ve put up fairy lights!”
“She’s just being close-minded.” ~ Anxious_Reporter_601
“NTA. You went to extra effort to temper the religious association with Diwali, and appear to have done so tastefully.”
“Hannah, whether she has intended to or not, has just shown some xenophobia.”
“She should confront this.”
“Additionally, atheists can proselytize just as well as those associated with any religion.”
“Her ‘boundaries’ should not prohibit you from engaging in an earnestly held religious and cultural tradition.” ~ GHooLion
“NTA. I was once an insufferable atheist.”
“You don’t get upset about Diwali and not Christmas, that’s not how it works.”
“She’s not upset because she’s an atheist, she’s upset because she’s a bigot.” ~ MRAGGGAN
“Exactly, I’m agnostic and I think Diwali is so cool.”
“Like uh, yes please lemme see what you celebrate!”
“On the opposite spectrum, I learned a LOT about how Christmas is celebrated today, and let’s just say lots and lots of attempts by Christianity to convert Pagans by roughly stealing or appropriating pagan things into the holiday… like holly, garland, wreaths, and yule logs.”
“All of which has significant pagan ties, because honestly, you wouldn’t ever find this stuff in the desert… lol.”
“That being said, I celebrate non-secular Christmas, bring on the decor and presents, baby!” ~ LittlestEcho
“NTA. Doesn’t Christmas involve God or praying?”
“Ummm… yes, it does.”
“A lot of people only celebrate the cultural aspects of Christmas these days, and not the religious part, but that is exactly what you were doing with your celebration.”
“She’s just being blatantly racist and stupid.”
“Don’t feel bad.”
“She is 100% in the wrong here, and you should not be feeling any guilt about ‘offending’ her.”
“She offended you.” ~ Money-Possibility606
“NTA. Roommate sounds either a little dumb or a little racist.”
“You were polite and put out exactly zero religious iconography.”
“In fact, I think you were very restrained.”
“There are a few families near me who celebrate Diwali.”
“One is astounding.’
“Pretty sure with all their lights on, you can see their house from space.”
“It’s beautiful.”
“The others are slightly more restrained, but still lots of lights and bright.”
“The lady of the family who lives above me makes all sorts of sweets and shares them with the building.”
“So good.”
“Your roommate just sounds boring.”
“Diwali is beautiful and amazing.”
“Better than Christmas.”
“I’m just a huge Grinch and think Christmas is over-commercialised BS.”
“Maybe explain to your roommate that Christmas was originally Yule until Christians took it over to make their transition from the ‘heathen’ religions to Christianity smoother.”
“Also, sorry if this makes little sense, all the cold and flu remedies going on here!” ~ Fioreborn
“NTA. If Christmas is OK, then so is Diwali.”
“Her issue comes not from being an atheist but from being exposed to traditions she’s unfamiliar with.”
“This was a great opportunity to learn about something new, and she squandered it.”
“You can learn tons from roommates in college, especially if you are lucky enough to have any from other countries.”
“Sadly, she isn’t learning, not even the rudimentary lesson of how to get along with other people.” ~ MarionberryPlus8474
“Hanna sounds a bit racist and hypocritical.”
“I’m an atheist.”
“I don’t know a ton about Indian culture, but I know the Diwali celebrations center on celebrating knowledge.”
“I’m an atheist, but I’m also curious about other cultures and would be honored to have someone share theirs with me in this lovely way.”
“Doesn’t mean I have to convert or believe! NTA.” ~ Over-Director-4986
“NTA, lights, flowers, and some sweets aren’t particularly religious and are no different than the Christmas decorations that were previously put up.”
“Hannah has some issues (possibly racist or just plain old ignorance) that she needs to deal with.” ~ schec1
Reddit is 100% with you, OP.
Hannah’s behavior is outrageous.
She has no right to treat you this way.
You may want to get help from someone like your RA involved.
Good luck and happy celebrating.