Break-ups can be difficult.
Sometimes they can be easy and amicable, but most of the time they are fraught.
It’s nice when people part ways and can see one another and be amicable down the road.
Though oftentimes, an ex is the last person anyone wants to see.
And having to spend time alone with them can be a nightmare.
Redditor brackinmybrrack wanted to discuss his experience and get some feedback, so naturally, he came to the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subreddit.
He asked:
“AITA for not letting my ex stay at my home before leaving the USA?
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“My (32 M[ale]) ex (30 F[emale]) is from another country originally and annually visits her family for a few months.”
“We have been broken up for about 2 weeks and were together for about 8 months.”
“I discovered some infidelity by way of a call from someone in said country.”
“We discussed the issue and didn’t come to a resolution, so we parted ways, but this happened to coincide with her annual trip.”
“I previously agreed to host her a few days before the trip back, as her lease would be coming to an end.”
“Post-split, it didn’t even cross my mind.”
“She has been constantly contacting me between then and now, trying to patch things up, and mentioned she still needed a place to stay.”
“She says she has exhausted all other alternatives, and I’m her only option.”
“I do not feel comfortable having her in my home in any capacity, let alone for almost a week.”
“I’m torn because I may actually be her only option and still care for her, but skeptical because hotels, Airbnbs, etc. exist.”
“She stated she sent money to her family ahead of leaving due to a disaster that affected their family business, and that’s the reason she’s low on funds.”
The OP was left to wonder:
“AITA?”
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed in on some options to the question, AITA:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Many Redditors declared that OP was NOT the A**hole.
“You know who shouldn’t care? You.”
“You weren’t even dating a full year, and she cheated.”
“Stop speaking to her.” ~ slendermanismydad
“G[irl]f[riend] perks require girlfriend status. NTA.” ~ Impossible_Turn_7627
“NTA: If this were me, and this girl had cheated on me, I wouldn’t want her anywhere near me.”
“It doesn’t really matter if you agreed to host her before you broke up; the conditions are completely different now, and any person with any common sense would know that already.
“You had only been together for 8 months, on top of all that.”
“Even if the breakup had happened on nicer terms, that’s not enough time to feel like she’s owed anything.”
“She can call home and get some money sent to stay in a hotel.”
“You’re not responsible for her comfort anymore.” ~ Vindicare605
“Don’t let her spin some sob story and guilt you into this.”
“You owe her nothing. NTA.” ~ wesmorgan1
“‘She says she has exhausted all other alternatives and I’m her only option…'”
“Nope, sorry.”
“That’s what hotels/Airbnbs are for. Is she saying she seriously doesn’t have a couple of friends to break up her visit into a couple of days each?!”
“Her lack of $ or friends is not your problem to solve.”
“Pre-breakup arrangements are voided by said breakups in my opinion.”
“NTA, of course.” ~ Ok-CANACHK
“NTA. It isn’t your problem anymore; you don’t have to fix her things for her anymore.”
“Also sounds like she just wants to patch things up because she has no alternative.”
“But you know there’s always an alternative… maybe a loan, ask for the money back that she gave her family, or worst case, if she cannot afford to come back, she can stay in her home country.”
“I say that as a kind of an immigrant myself, if I couldn’t afford to be where I am, I would have to go home.”
“Simple as that.”
“It isn’t on other people to house or feed (feed not free, sorry) me because I gave away my money and now can’t afford housing.” ~ Crazyandiloveit
“NTA. It does not matter if you are her only option because she is not your problem anymore.”
“Tell her to have her other man send some money for a hotel.” ~ Academic_Training_56
“NTA. I would be skeptical as well. If you were still in a relationship and that trust was still there, then absolutely.”
“However, she broke that trust, while it might not have been with your possessions being taken or mishandled, that doesn’t mean that it wouldn’t end up that way!” ~ jrown08
“I would not do it. NTA.”
“First, it could be emotionally painful to you.”
“You don’t know how she will act, what she will say.”
“Second, I think she is lying.”
“A 30-year-old woman was in a relationship with you for 8 months only.”
“Somehow she did survive before he relationship.”
“Somehow, she found somewhere to stay before.”
“She didn’t even know you 8 months ago, but she knew she’d need to fly home and stay somewhere before the flight.”
“So what was her plan then?”
“Third, even if she has no backup plan, she still has a lot of last-minute options.”
“She can rent a cheap room or go to a hostel.”
“It doesn’t need to be in your area, right?”
“She just needs a place to spend a week.”
“She can talk to her friends and crash with them.”
“She can change her tickets to the day her lease ends.”
“She can ask her family to rent a room for her and pay for it.”
“She can talk to her landlord and ask for one more week.”
“Or she can refuse to move out.”
“She has a lot of options.” ~ Brave_anonymous1
“NTA! She made her bed literally, and now she can lie in it. “
“She can get a hotel until she leaves if she can’t afford it, that’s her problem.”
“She’s not your concern anymore.”
“She cheated on you and has no right to expect to be able to stay with you.” ~ wowgamertbc
“If the suspected infidelity with serious enough to break up, you’re under no obligation to host her.”
“Especially when she’s made an indication she wants to make up, then she’s going back to the country where whatever the phone call was about convinced you to break up, so she’ll more than likely be with the caller.”
“If you feel that you want to take care of her, then just pay for a room somewhere at the local hotel; unless you want to get back with her, don’t let her back in your place.” ~ FaithlessnessTall853
“NTA. You are not a couple anymore.”
“The fact that she has no other alternative is not your problem.”
“If she really needed to be able to use your home, then perhaps she should not have cheated.”
“She is now suffering from the consequences of her own bad decisions.” ~ bamf1701
“NTA, why would anyone let a cheating ex that they ditched stay in their house, especially if she is leaving the country?!”
“There is a whole lot she could do in a week to get back at you for breaking up with her.”
“The old phrase about hell having no wrath like a woman scorned is true in my experience.”
“Men may be the same, but I have never dated one so… 😁.” ~ LivinRightNBeinFree
“NTA. Why don’t you tell her that she should be able to find another guy to help her out?”
“I mean, it was so easy for her to find another guy. “
“Why doesn’t she try that?”
“Seems like it’s not your problem, I mean, unless you make it your problem because you have a soft heart. “
“Keep in mind that these types of people are snakes.”
“Just imagine if she stays and makes a false accusation.”
“Then, instead of looking for advice on this sub, you might be looking for a defense attorney on a different sub.”
“Probably best you don’t ever talk to this person again.” ~ TheDevil_within
“She’s an ex; she doesn’t get to stay with you if you don’t want her to.”
“If you were together 20 years, maybe that would be nice, but not even a year?”
“You’re NTA.” ~ HorseygirlWH
“She cheated, so oh well.”
“Maybe if she didn’t cheat and the breakup was amicable, then I could see it as a possibility, but no in holy hell if she cheated.”
“That’s her problem.”
“Cheating is a choice and has consequences, and guess what, this is one of them.”
“OP, don’t let her.” ~ Financial-Welcome-62
“NTA: Tell your ex the situation has changed and you’re no longer willing to host her.”
“The two of you broke up for a reason.”
“The wounds are still fresh.”
“A few weeks post-breakup is way too soon to be in close proximity with each other.”
“Her finances are no longer your business.”
“You are not obligated to help her in any way to ease a situation she created. “
“It may be just my suspicious mind, but she might be using this as an excuse to get close to you.” ~ irenehollimon
“NTA. Block her.”
“She cheated and is still trying to take advantage of you.” ~ GodOfMuayThai
“No. I think you’re being used most definitely—like you said, there are cheap options, hostel, etc.”
“If you truly feel guilty, give her, like maybe 50 bucks if you have it to give, towards her getting a room.”
“Having her stay at your place is not healthy for you!” ~ Open_Individual_5056
Reddit is with you, OP.
This is your home, your safe place.
This is not your problem.
It’s time to say goodbye.