Everybody wants to look good at a wedding.
It’s a natural feeling.
And everyone wants to make the happy couple as happy as possible for their big day.
So loved ones fulfill certain wishes and requests.
But sometimes those asks are just way too big to do.
And certain requests and actions can lead to a lot of discourse.
Case in point…
Redditor RudeLab9732 wanted to discuss her experience and get some feedback. So naturally, she came to visit the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit.
She asked:
“WIBTA if I didn’t get a mole removed for my friend’s wedding?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“Hi everyone, I’m writing to you because I’ve been going back and forth on this issue, and I feel conflicted.”
“My (24 F[emale]) friend ‘Zoe’ (25 F) is getting married, and I am set to be a bridesmaid in her wedding, which is early next year.”
“I am excited for the wedding and am doing everything I can to help her out with planning and setting up.”
“Recently, Zoe asked me out for coffee, away from the other bridesmaids, as she said that she wanted to talk to me about something privately.”
“I agreed and asked her if something was wrong.”
“She said it was nothing huge, and she just wanted to talk to me.”
“I met up with Zoe the other day, like she asked.”
“It was there that she told me that she wanted me to get the mole on my face removed before the wedding.”
“I have a mole on my right cheek, kind of near my nose.”
“It’s not huge, but it’s definitely noticeable.”
“Zoe explained that she wanted everyone to look good in the wedding photos as well as on the wedding day (understandable).”
“And that the mole on my face would be a distraction and that I wouldn’t look good in the photos.”
“She said that she would pay for the surgery out of pocket, as she could afford it, and all I would have to do is go in and get it removed.”
“I told her that I needed time to think about it.”
“She said she understood but let me know that it would be mandatory for me to have the procedure in order to be a bridesmaid.”
“I said that I would get back to her.”
“I’m really conflicted on this because I have had times where I’ve been insecure about my mole, and Zoe wasn’t lying when she said that it distracts from my face.”
“So, if she was asking me to remove it, it may be better in the long run, AND she’s paying for it.”
“However, I don’t really know if I want such a procedure done to my face, which is why I’m thinking about not going through with it.”
“But Zoe is my friend, and more importantly, she’s the bride and I want her to have the best day, which is why I think I may be the a**hole if I didn’t go through with it.”
“Would I be wrong if I didn’t get the mole on my face removed?”
The OP was left to wonder,
“So WAITA in this situation?”
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed some options to the question AITA:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Many Redditors declared OP would NOT be the A**hole.
“NTA, Good Lord.”
“Imagine a bride saying ‘Hey Stacy, I know we’re besties, but I don’t want you in the bridal party because you’re a big uggo and you’re fat and you’ll ruin the photos.'”
“That’s psychotic.”
“Your friend would be an a-hole if they simply asked you to lose 5 lbs for the wedding.”
“We’re talking actual surgery.”
“Is it even that noticeable?”
“Like the size of a quarter or larger?”
“Having said that, if it’s something you feel insecure about and you’d like to get surgery, your friend is still an a**hole, but you can get some free surgery out of it.”
“And if you’re insecure, that might help you feel better about yourself in the future, I guess?” ~ Pope00
“I’d recommend a plastic surgeon.”
“I had a few removed from my face by a plastic surgeon and a few by a dermatologist in other areas.”
“For the face, I’d definitely recommend a plastic surgeon for less scarring (I have 0 scarring on my face from the removal).”
“They can still send it out for pathological study to make sure it isn’t cancerous.” ~ Cat_Entropy
“I don’t even see offering it unless your friend brought it up and expressed concern they couldn’t afford it.”
“It’s simply not acceptable to bring things up about other people’s bodies.”
“We have been raised in a society where we are bombarded by constant comments and marketing that tell us we are insufficient as we are and we need to alter appearance to conform to someone else’s standards of beauty (be they a corporation or individual doing the bombarding).”
“It’s bad enough when people unknown to us do it, but the people who supposedly love us?”
“NO ONE needs those kinds of people in their life.” ~ MrDarcysDead
“Shamelessly jumping in to comment to point out…”
“She could have the photographer photoshop out the mole for a fraction of what the actual surgery will cost.”
“It’s a major part of what wedding photographers do (photo editing).”
“It’s not about the photos. NTA.”
“Do what makes you feel comfortable, but you DO NOT owe this to her.”
“And she certainly didn’t have your best interest in mind.” ~ LimitlessMegan
“NTA – Any ‘friend’ who tells you ‘You can’t be in my wedding unless you get cosmetic surgery’ isn’t actually a good friend.”
“That’s a completely bananas level of entitlement.”
“A good wedding photographer is going to touch up the photos anyway.”
“And could just remove it that way, but, also, if your friend were actually your friend, she wouldn’t even bring it up; everyone has skin marks like moles, acne scars, freckles, discolorations, etc.”
“They’re not a “distraction” unless you’re a petty, shallow person.”
“I know exactly what I’d tell any friend of mine who told me I had to get cosmetic surgery for their wedding, and I absolutely wouldn’t be at that wedding.” ~ Samael13
“Agree with this!”
“Just Will add I found most wedding photographers will touch up and edit photos but not full on Photoshop.”
“So I wouldn’t expect them to remove it, but you shouldn’t ask that of them anyway.”
“This is a ridiculous ask by your friend. You’re NTA.”
“But if you’ve always wanted it removed, and you can take advantage of your AH friend’s offer then maybe go for it.”
“Pick an excellent plastic surgeon, and find out the cost ahead (and get the money ahead).”
“Because the worst thing would be to do it, and she doesn’t actually pay for it. ~ Garlicandpilates
“But the bride, who is willing to pay for surgery could use a fraction of that money to pay for photoshopping of the mole if it is so egregious to her.”
“It would be a simple Photoshop task.”
“OP, you are NTA.”
“I snorted when I read your post title.”
“Your ‘friend’s’ audacity is off the charts!”
“You never have to alter your body for anyone else’s pleasure.”
“In fact, you might decide that you prefer to keep your mole and use people’s acceptance of it as a litmus test of whether they are good enough people to be considered for true friendship.” ~ miss_sassypants
OP came back to chat…
“Hi everyone. Wow, thanks for all the responses.”
“I just want to clear up a few things.”
“Firstly, I’m not completely insecure about my mole, at least not so much anymore.”
“I used to cover it up with foundation and heavy concealer and all that.”
“Now I feel more comfortable wearing less makeup and not covering it. “
“Doesn’t mean that I 100% love it, but I’m slowly starting to embrace it.”
“I haven’t really mentioned about my insecurity to Zoe, except maybe once or twice.”
“What this comes down to is I don’t know if I would actually want a procedure like that done.”
“But I was conflicted because maybe going through with it would make me look better in a way.”
“And to everyone commenting about Photoshop, it’s not just about the pictures.”
“Zoe said that she wanted me to get it removed for the ceremony as well because she doesn’t want me to look bad to the guests.”
“For reference, the mole is brown and maybe about 1/2 a penny in size (diameter).”
Reddit continued…
“NTA. Tell her moles can be removed by the photographer more cheaply and less painfully than by a surgeon.” ~ KessLewis
“Zoe is a gigantic AH. Massive. Huge.”
“Imagine the entitlement it takes to ask a friend to modify their body for your wedding.”
“She’s no friend and is a truly rancid person. NTA.” ~ Just-Fix-2657
OP came back with an update…
“Firstly, I have made the decision not to remove my mole.”
“I realized that it was way too big of an ask even for a bride, and it didn’t seem like she had good intentions behind asking me.”
“Many of the comments were to go through with the procedure and then drop out of the wedding, and I just don’t feel right doing that.”
‘Especially since I didn’t even know if I wanted it removed in the first place.”
“I haven’t told Zoe about my decision yet, so I don’t know how she’s gonna react.”
“I haven’t told the other bridesmaids about what Zoe asked me to do, or if they were asked to do something similar, as some comments were suggesting.”
“I think I’m going to reach out to them and ask.”
“I will keep everyone posted.”
Well, OP, Reddit is with you.
Your “friend” had no right to ask you what she asked you.
You’re right to put you first.
It may be time to evaluate this relationship.
Good luck.