We’ve all heard about family members that just don’t get along, especially families that are brought together through marriage.
No matter how hard some people try, they just can’t seem to get along, agreed the “Am I the A**hole?” (AITA) subReddit, but that doesn’t mean they can’t be civil.
Redditor throwaway-text2 was used to not getting along with her mother-in-law and did her best to turn the other cheek to her negative comments.
But when her mother-in-law made new claims about her worth as a wife and mother, the Original Poster (OP) had to talk to her husband about it.
She asked the sub:
“AITA for showing my husband the text his mom sent me and causing her to be disowned?”
The OP was used to not getting along with her mother-in-law (MIL).
“My mother-in-law (MIL) and I have never gotten along. She hates my guts and can be oversensitive oftentimes.”
“I tried not to give her the wrong impression about me but we just don’t like each other.”
“Sunday, I was feeling sick (I’m a new mom, by the way) and couldn’t eat what she cooked for dinner and she seemed to take it personally.”
But a recent message from her MIL was more than the OP could take.
“She sent me a private message of what seemed to be her final straw with my behavior and it stated the following:”
“‘Oh yes, I know and feel your passive-aggressive vibe. You keep pretending to be sick so you won’t have to eat what I cook? What? You think my cooking is disgusting? You think I’m unhygienic?'”
“‘WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU ACTUALLY LOOKED AT YOURSELF IN THE MIRROR? Apologies, I forgot you’re a new mom and can’t be bothered to even get your hair brushed.'”
“‘You finally trapped our son and now want to use the baby as a pawn. I don’t like the fact you’re my grandchild’s mother. I don’t think I’ll ever come to terms with it because you bore him. But I’ll pretend.'”
“‘Pretend I don’t know my son’s been having chats with his ex every chance he gets. Be mean to his mommy. Me. And you’ll see how far that gets you.'”
“‘Oh, and when I watch your s**tbeast dog, it stays chained to a garage day and night until a half hour before you arrive. It stinks up my house, you know, same with your hair and clothes.'”
The OP’s husband was quick to react to the message.
“My mind was blown and my gut reaction was to immediately go to my husband and show him what his mom sent and he didn’t take it well.”
“He tried calling her but she didn’t respond. It was 11 pm and he decided to drive to his parents’ house and pick a fight with her about the text.”
“According to my sister-in-law #1 who witnessed it, he yelled at his mother and berated her and called her names then disowned her which shocked everyone in the house.”
The OP’s mother-in-law had an unexpected reaction.
“My mother-in-law is diabetic. She fainted on the spot, and my husband didn’t stop. He just walked out of there while his family was yelling at him.”
“I got several calls and texts from them, claiming I just caused irreparable damage in my husband’s relationship with his mother, jeopardized her health because she was taken to the hospital, and worst of all, made my husband disown her over what?”
“A dinner that I could’ve gotten a few bites of? A simple misunderstanding?”
“They accused me of causing this s**tshow and turning my husband on his own mother and disowning her like that.”
“Sister-in-law #3 berated me for sharing the text with my husband, saying I should’ve confronted my mother-in-law alone instead of escalating the situation. She said I’m responsible for whatever happens next and have to fix the problem I created.”
“I feel awful overall and so guilty since she’s at the hospital and the family is feeling tense.”
“My husband is avoiding me.”
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You’re the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
Some said the in-laws were the OP’s husband’s responsibility to handle.
“NTA, you had to show that message to your husband. That was a very disturbing text. I also find it weird that she fainted, my son is diabetic and he has never fainted from being confronted.” – Foreign_Negotiation7
“MIL completely S**T on OP as a mother, as a wife, as a woman. She also s**t on her own son’s decision-making skills, AND admitted to animal abuse by treating their dog like s**t.”
“How is ANYONE supposed to react when they find out someone is not only s**tting on their SO (significant other), but also abusing their beloved family dog?!?” – onlythebitterest
“Please, OP, tell us you let people know you were shocked and there shouldn’t be anything you can’t tell your husband. Be clear that if you wanted to really cause damage to her and her family, then you wouldn’t just show it to your husband but shared it everywhere.”
“And you would have demanded she is never again allowed in your home and you and your new baby are never to see someone who is downright cruel. Someone who can abuse an animal is just not worth having in your life.”
“You have been sweet and trying to do your best. Your husband is probably just processing his own feelings, give him time.” – SufficientPositive60
“Piggybacking here to mention what a good husband this is. He immediately stood up for his wife after she was treated so poorly. The zero hesitation to stand up for her after being shown that evidence of hatred. He’s a keeper.”
“Also agree of course OP is NTA. Mother-in-law and family that have been harassing this woman definitely TA here.” – darknessraynes
“I’m so glad the husband has disowned this abusive AH woman. She is cruel to his wife, abusive to his dog, and doesn’t seem even keen on his baby. She needs cut out.” – Dashcamkitty
Others agreed and thought the mother-in-law (MIL) was faking.
“She fainted as a tactic.” – Regular-Landscape-83
“I have epilepsy and I’m hypoglycemic. This sounded suspicious as f**k. I think she did it to manipulate the situation and garner sympathy. I HIGHLY doubt she really fainted, lol (laughing out loud).”
“A bully AND a drama queen to boot. She sounds like a real peach.” – almostedgyenough
“Nurse here, you don’t faint from being upset because you have diabetes. That makes no sense. You can faint if your blood sugars are off, but the fainting is her being dramatic, nothing to do with diabetes. How ridiculous.” – RNwashington
“MIL has watched too many 40’s movies where the stressed damsel faints and must be rescued by everyone.”
“MIL can only play this so far. OP has the text that MIL sent – and that is hard to describe in any other way than the total assassination of OP’s character.”
“MIL played a really, really stupid game. She’s getting the really, really stupid prize right now.” – Scary_Offer2479
“This isn’t about OP not eating dinner, this is about MIL.”
“Whether or not OP are that dinner, MIL would still dislike her. She would still hate the part of her grandchild that was OP’s. MIL still would have been abusing their dog and disrespecting OP’s family.” – Flukie42
“She caused this situation with her actions and her words, not you. Repeat this every time it comes up. Have your husband to the same. ‘Mom caused this situation with her behavior and her words, not wife and not me. Stop blaming other people for the consequences of mom’s s**tty behavior.'” – Obtuse-Angel
Some were also concerned about the husband avoiding the OP.
“Dude is probably going through a lot of shit right now. Just because you’re married doesn’t mean you don’t deserve your own space, especially when you had to publicly disown your mother.”
“You think OP is getting piled on by their husband’s family? I’m sure he’s getting it ten times worse.” – MisanthropeX
“He is probably grieving his relationship with his mother (and probably trying to come to terms with how mean she was). I mean, he still shouldn’t be avoiding his wife, but it’s a good reminder that he is also going through something pretty major right now.” – FeuerroteZora
“Depending on if he really meant this to be forever, it can literally feel like that person has died. So now you’re grieving the person you thought they were, the person you needed them to be, and the relationship you wish you’d had.”
“Depending on what his childhood was like and if he’d already known his mom was this bad, his eyes may have suddenly been opened to a lot of things that used to seem normal to him.”
“Being around other people with happy family relationships can be really painful during that time. It’s possible that he needs a couple of days to stop feeling weird about his own spouse and child.” – tanglisha
“Guy is processing. Leave him be, but do check up on him. He just had a paradigm shift, a big one. He was just exposed to the reality of who his mother really is. Not the kind-hearted woman who raised him, but the troll who guards the cave her son inhabits.” – Trance354
“You only get one mom (unless you’ve very lucky) and we’re all born believing our mothers are perfect and loving and will care for us. Sure, we all figure out our moms aren’t perfect, but sometimes it goes farther than ‘not perfect.'”
“It’s really hard to accept that you don’t get to have a mom who loves you and treats you well. It’s like being in mourning but there’s a horrible zombie there that you have to deal with (possibly by avoiding them forever, that’s a valid option), in place of the loving parent you thought you had. Give him a little time, but NTA.” – phalseprofits
“NTA. Now I want to talk about the silence from your husband; he is likely grieving.”
“If he already knew his mother was vindictive and hateful, then he is likely feeling guilty for exposing you to her venom.”
“If he was not aware of how cruel his own mother was, that had to be a shocking and painful way to find out. Heck, it hurt my own heart to read that text and I’m just a bystander.”
“Give him space to grieve. Also, you might look into some couples counseling if he’s agreeable. First-time parenting can be overwhelming, even when there’s no family drama.” – Srhaddix
The subReddit felt terrible for what the OP had been going through and hoped that it was over, now that her husband had disowned his mother, and potentially the rest of the family who might side with her. Now the couple would need to go through the difficult transition of going no-contact and grieving that process.