Being a stepparent can be very difficult.
You never want to overstep but you have to be able to be a part of the parenting process.
Yes, you’re an extra voice, but an important one.
As long as all parents are on the same page, there shouldn’t be trouble.
But that doesn’t always happen.
Case in point…
Redditor Dapper_Concentrate81 to discuss their story for some feedback. So naturally they came to visit the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit.
They asked:
“AITA for telling my stepson that he’s probably never going to keep a boyfriend wearing diapers?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“My stepson Morgan (15 M[ale]) still wears diapers.”
“It’s not for any medical reason or because he has bedwetting issues or anything he just likes to wear them.”
“I’ve asked my husband and his ex about it and they just tell me he likes them and they’re not going to pressure him to stop.”
“So for the most part I left it alone.”
“Last year he got his first boyfriend and it ended pretty quickly after the boy found out about his diaper thing.”
“I remember Morgan being so upset about it and just being in relief that the kid didn’t spread it around Morgan’s school.”
“He’s recently met this new boy Kevin who he likes a lot and that’s been hanging around the house lately.”
“I’ve overheard Morgan talking to his dad about he’s nervous about officially asking out Kevin because of what happened with the last boy.”
“So as I was driving him to his mom’s house Friday I decided to have a talk with him and I told him that he’s probably not going to find a guy, especially at his age that wants to be with someone still wearing diapers.”
“And that he should probably quit wearing them.”
“He just kind of hung his head and said ok.”
‘This morning my husband got an angry call from his ex saying I shamed her kid and that she didn’t want me talking to him anymore.”
“My husband got upset that I had said anything at all and he agreed with his ex.”
“AITA?”
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed some options to the question AITA?:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Redditors declared our OP was NOT the A**hole.
It’s a tricky situation.
Let’s hear some thoughts…
“NTA You’re right.”
“He’s going to have a hard time finding someone at that age that’s ok with the diaper.”
“His parents are also doing him a disservice by not helping him to move past that stage.” ~ alettucehead
“Going to hijack to say that it’s not necessarily a stage.”
“There is a large community of people who enjoy wearing diapers and have no medical need for them.”
“Most people discover it around puberty and sit silently with their desires until they’re old enough to get some, so this situation is weird, and unfortunate.”
“No one who wears wants others to know about it.”
“But others know, and in this case, they’re right.”
“If he wants a boyfriend he’ll have to cut back on the diapers unless he finds the unicorn that’s okay with them.”
“His best bet is to wait until he can look online for people.” ~ diapered_engineering
“The most popular boy in my HS was a thumbsucker until at least graduation (maybe even after, I don’t know).”
“He was a gifted athlete and lettered in four sports so people just… didn’t seem to notice?”
“Never had trouble getting girls, either.”
“Looking back, it was f**king weird and I’m sure that if he’d been less athletic, he would have been bullied mercilessly.”
“Instead, it was just treated as sort of a quirk.” ~ BoxOfBlueDye
“I’d say a soft NTA too.”
“I know for some people wearing diapers is a thing, but maybe rather than tell him to straight up quit just give him some heads up that a lot of grown up people aren’t going to like it and if he keeps it up.”
“That’s something he’s going to have to realize and accept.”
“That it’s his choice to wear them or not, but that’s the reality of things.” ~ Bananapartment
“Not only find it hard to find a partner (especially at his age) but he’s still in high school and understands he lucked out the last time that his ex didn’t tell others.”
“He might not be as lucky in the future.”
“He needs an adult who will be honest with him, it seems like you might be that person. NTA.” ~ mildlyoutraged
“This. And OP didn’t tell him anything he didn’t already know.”
“OP simply said, out loud, the fact that everyone is aware of.”
“Meanwhile his parents seem to want to insulate him from that basic fact:”
“His behavior is now impacting his relationships negatively.”
“The fact that he knows that and willingly continues, at an age where social rules all, is worrying.” ~ Ladyughsalot1
“Boy needs a therapist, even though you are right but shouldn’t have been so direct with him as he might be struggling.”
“But all adults AH here for not getting him the help he needs and avoiding the issue.” ~ navoor
“I don’t know, it sounds like he never moved beyond nappies from the way it’s worded.”
“Like it’s more of a pause in development that the parents just… allowed for some reason?”
“I’m just speculating though.”
“But toileting and separating oneself from one’s own waste is a pretty significant developmental step.”
“I can’t imagine just….. skipping it.”
“The waste itself may not be a part of it but even then I can’t imagine his ability to time and respond to body cues would have developed properly, nor his continence.”
“If he’s doing this 24/7 (which I’m pretty sure even fetishists don’t? but I have no idea) that opens up other questions and possibilities.”
“Does he change his own nappies?”
“I hope so because THAT’S a separate issue that could suggest an abusive dynamic.”
“Could be a neuro-divergent thing, even.”
“Maybe the kid cannot stand the sensation of having to hold, even for a moment?”
“Some kind of trauma response, maybe even tied to his parent’s separation?”
“Either way OP, your stepson has an (1) abnormal fixation that.”
“(2) is interfering in his ability to develop age appropriate relationships that also.”
“(3) he has some kind of trouble being without.”
“This is enough to warrant medical advice, in any scenario with any fixation.”
“It’s important not to instil shame in your stepson, but at the end of the day he is developmentally behind his peers in an area of his life that many people will be put off by.”
“Your stepson deserves to understand why that is, even if he decides to continue with the behavior.” ~ threelizards
“Your partner and the ex haven’t gotten him therapy?”
“It’s super worrying they’re just going with it.”
“I know a lot of people are talking about kinks, but at his age, there’s also the possibility of trauma or abuse.”
“I think NTA here because possibly partner and ex have never explained that this will put romantic partners off and may result in him being bullied.”
“In an ideal world that wouldn’t happen but here we are.” ~ HeavySea1242
“NTA- if this is real, this kid needs therapy.”
“It isn’t an ‘undergarment choice’ as some people are saying.”
“That would be shaming the kid for wearing briefs instead of boxers or something.”
“You clearly care enough about the child to try to ensure that they are healthy and not bullied.”
“Encourage the parents to speak to the pediatrician since this is interfering with his ability to have relationships that would be normal for a 15 year old.”
“If they don’t want to do that, you should reach out to the school psychologist and ask their advice ‘for a friend.'” ~ Wildcar_d
“He’s FIFTEEN. WHO is buying these diapers? Adult diapers are NOT cheap.”
“Does he actually go to the bathroom in the diaper? Does he wear them all the time instead of underwear?”
“I couldn’t imagine asking my parents to go buy diapers for me when I’m perfectly capable of using the toilet.” ~ Spirited-Stock-4235
“NTA, but I would wonder whether he and/or his family should talk to a professional (speaking from a place of empathy, not judgement).”
“That’s not very normal behavior and while it is harmless, it makes me wonder whether everything is OK.” ~ feidle
“NTA. I don’t know much about diaper kinks (basically nothing except that it’s a thing) but I think it’s a pretty niche kink to get into.”
“And no teenager is gonna be into it.”
“And I’m not shrink, but I don’t think having kinks at 15 is normal.”
“They should have taken him to a child psychologist a while ago.” ~ LavenderSage013
“NTA. Is the kid in therapy?”
“This seems pretty strange and the fact that his parents are allowing it (and probably allowed it since he was much younger).”
“Does he have anxiety towards the bathroom or is he just lazy?” ~ Coco_Dirichlet
“NTA, you didn’t shame him, this is a case where you genuinely were just honest and people didn’t like the truth.”
“It’s a fact that he will find it hard to find a boyfriend that’s going to stick around when they find out he wears nappies.”
“It’s not harming anyone but most people will find it pretty strange and he’s 15 not 5, he needed to hear it.”
“I’m also questioning how long were his parents going to Just ignore this?”
“Like would he still be 30 and wear nappies to work?” ~ Alternative-Pea-4434
Sounds like OP has their work cut out for them.
No good deed goes unpunished.
Hopefully everyone can just come together to help Morgan.