There are few feelings worse than being left out.
And in this day and age of social media, it’s much easier to discover that we were excluded when a friend or family member posts a group picture from which we are noticeably absent.
This of course is bound to set our minds racing, leaving us to wonder if this was intentional, or if the thought simply hadn’t occurred to them.
Either way, knowing our friends and family got together without us is never going to leave us feeling good.
Redditor R2D2N3RD knew that her sister was going on a fairly exciting vacation.
What the original poster (OP) was unaware of, however, was that she was going on this trip with all their other siblings, as well as their families.
Making things worse was the way in which the OP discovered this, potentially permanently damaging her relationship with her siblings.
Wondering if she was overreacting, the OP took to the subReddit “Am I The A**hole” (AITA), where she asked fellow Redditors:
“AITA – for not just ‘getting over’ it after my siblings took a trip to Paris and didn’t invite or even tell me about it?”
The OP explained why seeing a picture of all of her siblings on vacation sent her over the edge:
‘I (43 F[emale]) found out all my siblings are in Paris through my 15 year old who saw pictures on FB and asked me about it.”
“At first I thought it was a joke or filter but after I called my step-dad I confirmed that indeed my siblings were all in Paris for a week and I hadn’t been invited or told about it at all.”
“I had recently talked to my oldest sister who had mentioned a special trip with her daughter to Paris, I was really excited for her.”
“She failed to mention that it was with my 2 brothers, their families and our other sister.”
“I still would have been excited for her.”
“When my dad finally responded to my text asking if my siblings were all on a trip together I was told I was being dramatic and needed to get over it because I wouldn’t have been able to afford it so they didn’t invite me.”
“My siblings are all well off and I am disabled and barely making ends meet on SSI.”
“I told my dad it wasn’t about me not going, it was about not even being invited or told.”
“He said he wasn’t invited either and I didn’t see him whining.”
“I don’t think it’s the same at all.”
“I just wish they would have asked me and let me decide for myself if I could go or not.”
“It just sucks so badly, I feel like they are ashamed of me.”
“I already feel less than by society as a whole and now my family.”
“It’s made me incredibly depressed like why am I even here, the people that are supposed to love me would rather believe I don’t exist. I ended the night crying and blocked everyone on everything.”
“The blocking wasn’t just because of this.”
“This is just the final straw on the camels back.”
“I never expect them to pay for me and especially for an expensive trip like this.”
“My brothers take international trips frequently and I see those pictures online and think that’s awesome.”
“I was sad because this was everyone minus me.”
“It’s a big trip for my sisters and I guess I would have liked a heads up.”
“AITA?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation, by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
The Reddit community mostly agreed that the OP was not the a**hole for being upset that her siblings didn’t even mention their trip to her.
While some agreed that the OP should not have expected to be invited, or even told, they agreed that the OP had every right to be upset, as many found the fact that they kept it a secret proof that they knew they could potentially hurt the OP’s feelings, even if some felt blocking them was going a little too far.
“NTA.”
“While you’re not entitled to be invited or even told, it’s odd for close family members not mention a trip like that so it comes across as deliberate.”
“I would’ve felt the same as you, betrayed and as if they saw me as ‘less than’.”
“I wouldn’t have blocked them, but there would’ve been greater distance between us because I could never forgive them.”- Stormschance
“NTA.”
“You found out about this trip in a very cruel way.”
“They should have invited you and let you figure out if you could afford it and if your disability would have hindered your participation.”
“They sound ableist to me – could that be at the root of it?”
“You would have crimped their style?”
“They may actually be ashamed of you as you propose.”
“Your dad is an AH for defending them.”
“Being angry is completely justifiable as is blocking them for the moment.”
“You are owed an apology.”
“I hope you have someone who you can talk these feelings through with.”- Ok-Profession-9372
“NTA.”
“They knew they were doing something wrong, which is why they didn’t tell you.”
“Not even mentioning it is pretty mean.”
“Even the one person who did mention it misrepresented what the trip was to you.”
“It also kinda feels like they deliberately excluded your kids, too, when all their kids were there.”
“That can’t feel good to them either.”
“Maybe there was a valid reason they didn’t, but they tried to be shady about it.”
“Focus on your family and your kids, keep contact low because you’re just gonna get a million excuses why they didn’t invite you while ignoring the larger issue of them trying to hide it from you in the first place was hurtful.”
“Also, I’d just not talk to your dad about anything super serious anymore.”
“Doesn’t seem like he’s someone that’s ever gonna be super empathetic.”- whichwitch9
“I’m sorry, this would really hurt my feelings, too.”- Go-High8298
Others, however, who gave the OP’s siblings the benefit of the doubt, wondering if they didn’t tell the OP about the trip knowing it would upset her since she couldn’t afford it, even if they felt doing so may have backfired.
“This is difficult.”
“NAH.”
“Look, it’s hard when you know that someone flat out can’t afford to do something.”
“I bet they wanted to include you but knowing you wouldn’t be able to afford to go and that you’d turn it down – that is hurtful.”
“But, I also see the perspective of ‘well, they can’t afford it so why rub salt in the wound’.”-Adventurous-Try1728
“NAH.”
“Especially when we don’t even know what your usual relationship with these siblings look like.”
“You mentioned it was your step father, are they half siblings?”
“Are they in general closer to each other then you to begin with?”
“Since your reaction was to become upset and block them without even talking to them, they might have thought telling you knowing you wouldn’t be able to go would have hurt your feelings and you would have reacted similarly to how you did here.”- SpaceAceCase
“NAH.”
“It sucks that out of 5 siblings you and your kid are the only ones not invited or told about this.”
“It sucks that you in a bind with your disability and trying to make ends meet.”
“However, reading your post and comments I don’t believe telling you that all your siblings and their families are going to go on a vacation to France would change how you would feel about being excluded.”
“You would still feel just as bad as you do whether they told you or how you recently found out.”
“Giving you this knowledge before they left, would realistically change nothing about how you feel being excluded.”- InquisitorKek
“NAH.”
“I had a similar event happen many years ago.”
“My sister, myself and one of my aunts went to Paris.”
“It was dream for all of us to travel there.”
‘My mom passed away a few years before so this was a special trip.”
“We all paid our own way.”
“The only thing my Aunt gave us was accommodation as we stayed at her friends apartment because they were not there.”
“She also paid for most meals as her treat.”
“We have another Aunt who I am NC and my sister was LC.”
“We discussed letting her know. I was adamant if she was invited I would not go on the trip.”
“My sister felt the same way.”
“Therefore she was not invited.”
‘Unbeknownst to me and my sister our Facebook profiles were public and she say a comment about the trip.”
“Well all hell broke loose.”
“She started screaming at all of us.”
“Thinking her sister was paying for the trip and she should have been invited.”
“She would have never been able to afford the trip as she hasn’t worked in years.”
“Would not listen that we were paying for it ourselves.”
“Long story short they could have not wanted to hurt your feelings and felt mentioning it would have made you upset.”
“Or they just didn’t want you to attend depending on the relationship and felt not saying something was better than risking having you attend.”
“I don’t think either option is good and they made the best decision they felt was right at the time.”- hope1083
It doesn’t seem that the OP’s siblings maliciously excluded her from the trip.
Even so, extending an invite, or at the very least letting her know about it, would have been the right thing to do.
For even if she got upset about not being able to afford it, it would have at least been her decision to make, instead of making her question if she was even really part of the family.