Love can be messy, and sometimes we cannot always help who we fall in love with.
But we can absolutely control how we act on those emotions, pointed out the members of the “Am I the A**hole?” (AITAH) subReddit, especially if that love interest is already scheduled to get married.
The Redditor, who has since deleted her account, had a long history of frustrating incidents with her older sister, who had shown an interest in her boyfriend and attempted to flirt with him regularly.
But when she went so far as to confess her love to the groom before his wedding day, the Original Poster (OP) decided that her sister couldn’t enter this new chapter by her side, despite her family’s protests.
She asked the sub:
“AITAH for not inviting my sister to my wedding?”
The OP stood firm on not inviting her older sister to her wedding.
“I (26 Female) am getting married in the summer to my partner (29 Male) of seven years.”
“My sister (30 Female) isn’t invited, and yes, I sound like the AH. But let me give you my reasons.”
The OP’s older sister had a long history of flirting with her future husband.
“My fiancé, John, was in the same year and educational major as my sister, Jane, in college. Jane had a crush on John for their first two years of college. However, after multiple rejections, she eventually started dating another guy.”
“That’s when I started going to that college. After a year, I began dating John after Jane assured me it was alright and I wouldn’t be hurting her.”
“However, throughout these seven years, my sister has continually made flirty comments toward John. At first, it was just every once in and a while, but then it progressively became more frequent.”
The last straw appeared at the OP’s engagement party.
“After our engagement, which was last month, my sister stopped responding to my messages and would ghost me for days before saying she was busy.”
“Last night, John came to me and showed me a message Jane sent him, telling him how much she still loved him, and she lied to him, telling him that I’ve been cheating on him and everything and that it just made her sick to see someone she loved being used that way.”
“It really hurt, and after thinking it over, I messaged her to let her know she has been uninvited to my wedding.”
The family was furious about the OP’s decision.
“Today, I woke up to my parents’ angry messages telling me I couldn’t do this, that I have to have Jane in my wedding, especially because she was supposed to be the Maid of Honor.”
“I don’t think that I should have her after this. However, it’s obviously not the same for my parents.”
“AITAH?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You’re the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
Some urged the OP to only invite people to her wedding who were eager to celebrate her love.
“Wedding invites are for people you want to celebrate your marriage with. Your sister would not be celebrating, she’d be tripping the bride up on her way down the aisle.” – Beth21286
“Basic rule of a Maid of Honor: The Maid of Honor cannot be trying to take the groom from the bride.” – UltimateRealist
“NTA. My mother actually dated my uncle (my aunt’s husband) briefly in college.”
“They weren’t right for each other, but he and my aunt were. There was no drama, my mom and uncle have remained friends, and my mother hand-embroidered sweet peas on my aunt’s wedding dress.”
“That’s how it works when it’s not weird. Your sister has made it totally weird with all the flirting and now confessions of love, and she’s made it downright dirty by filling his head with lies.”
“She doesn’t deserve to be anywhere near you, your husband-to-be, or your wedding. NTA.” – Competitive_Papaya11
“Dollars to donuts, the parents will take Jane’s side of things and probably blame OP for dating and getting engaged to John, despite John firmly keeping Jane in the acquaintance category.”
“NTA, OP. If your parents keep it up, you don’t have to invite them, either.” – Suspicious_Fan_4501
“NTA! OMFG, what is WRONG with your parents?! They’re literally like, ‘Have the person who disrespects your relationship, lies about you, and is infatuated with the groom stand up there next to you, and have a nice day!'”
“SHE LIED ABOUT YOU CHEATING! She is not a nice person. She is trying to break the two of you up. Cut her out and keep that toxic cancer of a person out of your life.”
“Trust me on this! I was engaged right out of high school to the first real love of my life… but after we got engaged, my younger sister developed a crush and hung on him constantly. Of course being a weak horny teenage boy, he did not stop her.”
“Well, things happened between them… I tried to fix the situation, but the hurt never went away. She was always around. Needless to say, I broke up with him, but it forever destroyed my relationship with my sister.”
“She has become even more untrustworthy and toxic as the years go on. I cut her out of my life and am a happier person for it. I hope you do the same, maybe with your parents, too.” – Shieldmaiden715
Others advised the OP to fill her family in on what was going on before the drama could escalate.
“NTA: Forward the message to your parents. Explain your sister’s crush back in the day, explain her flirting escalation, and what she’s recently said. If they don’t see the problem in that, that’s a huge red flag and something you might want to consider low- or no-contact and rescinded wedding invitations over.”
“Also, make sure you have some serious talks with your guy, and leave no room for her accusations. You two need to be on the same page about the status of your relationship, boundaries, etc., before anyone walks down that aisle.” – That_Buy110
“Send the messages. Your sister can’t be the Maid of Honor when she has no honor herself.”
“Once they see the messages, if your parents somehow still think your sister should be allowed at your wedding, then perhaps they should be added to the uninvited list, as well. The sister’s actions are indefensible, and to choose her side once having all the details would make them huge a**holes.”
“If they continue to push, say, ‘Accept that my husband-to-be and I have decided my sister isn’t invited. Keep pushing, and you can stay home with her.'” – ComprehensivePut5569
“NTA. I’m so sorry; I can’t imagine how hurtful that was!”
“I see two options. Option One is explaining this to your parents, including showing them the text she sent your fiancé. Either they’ll get it and understand why she was uninvited, or they’ll get it and you can maybe consider letting her come, but having her sit at the back and definitely NOT be in the wedding party.”
“Option Two is you elope. That makes the wedding romantic and totally about you and your fiancé. You can either call off the ‘big’ wedding, or have it for show/for your parents, knowing the whole time you are already secretly married and your sister can’t do anything about it. (But this option still has her as your Maid of Honor; maybe you can just run her off her feet on the day of the wedding, the whole while keeping her as far from your soon-to-be-husband as possible.)”
“Any way you slice it, I think your parents need to see that text she sent.”
“But have you thought about after? Family events and holidays? What an awful situation your selfish, jealous sister has put you in; my sympathies. Hope your wedding is beautiful and joyful enough to make up for her dishonesty and sour grapes!” – editrixe
“Your sister needs to be held accountable for her actions in the most painful way. Have a family meeting, in person, and ask her point-blank why she sent what she sent to your boyfriend. Watch her stutter, watch her squirm, or watch her lie, and let your parents see for themselves what you’re dealing with. I’d show them the screenshots ahead of time (don’t give them copies; just show them), so if she tries to lie her way out, they can catch her in the act for themselves.”
“Ask them to choose the side of reason. If anyone says anything about family, ask them why your sister isn’t acting like family and it’s somehow okay. Ask who will be held accountable should she do anything stupid at the wedding. Ask why your sister’s ‘mistake’ is forgivable but you uninviting someone who clearly doesn’t see you as family is not.”
“Sometimes, we have to f**k over family. It’s stupid to let sh*t like this slide.”
“NTA. All the best. I’d elope and spend all that money on myself, not family, because, at this rate, they’re all AHes who will attend for a free meal and then complain about it.” – pseudolin
“I don’t know how you can settle this because this is more than a one-day wedding problem.”
“Keep your distance except for unavoidable situations, like holidays with family, but even then, I wouldn’t engage with her; I wouldn’t do anything more than coexist in the same room as her, and if she tried to talk to me or my husband, we’d shut it down.”
“I’d also refuse to bring any drama to the rest of the family, not ask anyone to pick sides, and unfortunately, never tell them anything again that I wouldn’t want my sister to know because someone would let it slide.”
“For the wedding day, I’d be very selective about who I’d invite. People who support her aren’t attending, and neither is she. Others, go with your gut. Good luck.” – FutureWin4034
The subReddit was alarmed not only by the OP’s sister’s behavior but by the fact that she was getting away with it. If the family expected the OP to overlook this and maintain her sister as someone who could attend her wedding, and as Maid of Honor, there was no telling what they would expect her to tolerate from her sister and husband in the future.
It was unanimous that the OP should remove her sister from the wedding, including the guest invitation. Still, many also pondered what this meant long-term, whether the OP should stay in contact with her sister, and whether this would impact her relationships with other family members.
This was not just a wedding-day issue; it would also trickle over into holidays, gatherings, and text messages.
It might be best for the OP and her husband-to-be to set the record straight and start off on a fresh foot, starting with their guest list.