We can all generally agree that making your own personal announcement at someone else’s party can lead to some backlash. This is doubly do when it involves someone else’s wedding.
But at what point is it no longer your fault? Redditor throwaway12account1 is asking that question as she doesn’t believe her sister-in-law (SIL) is justified in her anger.
The original poster (OP) wants the whole thing to be water under the bridge, but her SIL isn’t having it. So OP decided to ask the “Am I the A**hole” (AITA) about her situation.
Her situation sounds pretty bad.
“AITA for telling my sister in law that im pregnant at her engagement party?”
But OP assures us this is not the case.
“I know this seems bad but hear me out please”
“I’m (24f[emale]) 4 months pregnant. My husband (29m[ale]) and I are very excited and we can’t wait to be parents. We decided not tell people till the week after the party.”
“My in-laws own a winery and it’s beautiful. It’s where my sil (let’s call her Taylor) got engaged at and the engagement party was.”
“I’m known for loving wine (I’m not an alcoholic) but I like a glass of wine while out but with a glass of water for the rest of the outing.”
“So at the engagement party, I was drinking water and talking to my in laws when Taylor offer me a glass of wine. I told her that I don’t feel like drinking.”
“She kept offering me and I kept refusing. I made up so many excuses till she ask if I was pregnant as a joke. I nervously smile and tried to walk away.”
“She screamed that I ruined her engagement party for telling her that I’m pregnant. Now my husband and I are not invited to her wedding. But am I the a**hole?”
On one hand, it’s easy to get upset when someone announces their pregnancy at your engagement party. But OP didn’t really mean to, and was pushed into it by her SIL, right?
On Reddit, the users of the board judged OP for announcing her pregnancy at her SIL’s engagement party after being hounded to drink by including one of the following in their response:
- NTA – Not the A**hole
- YTA – You’re the A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everybody Sucks Here
In the end, it comes down to intention. OP didn’t intend to announce her pregnancy, and if her SIL hadn’t pushed her to drink, nothing would have happened.
And it’s not like she stopped the party to tell everyone. Her SIL is the one who made the suggestion and OP just didn’t deny it.
The board agreed that OP was NTA.
“NTA. SIL sure is though. Anyone pressuring someone else to drink after they’ve refused is TA.”
“Pregnancy is not the only reason someone might decline to drink at an event. There’s a really common antibiotic in the US used for many things but a lot of the time for bacterial vaginosis.”
“If you drink while taking it or even for several days after your last dose, it can act like a date rape drug. Would OP be obligated to tell anyone that’s the reason she’s not drinking if it were the case?”
“SIL created her own problem and drama. AND if she made a scene/told others, she actually stole OP’s announcement, which makes her even more TA.”
“OP did nothing wrong.” – Imaginary-Poetry8549
“NTA. Nothing is worse than a bride that thinks the whole world should stop for her and her wedding.”
“Offering you a class of wine is fine and polite, but if someone refuses why keep offering and even make the pregnancy joke? Sounds like she was intentionally wanting drama.” – LadyGraySky
“NTA You delayed telling expressly not to overshadow her party. She offered a drink and you refused because you couldn’t safely do so, despite her unreasonable insistence, then when she guessed the cause you quietly withdrew.”
“You didn’t cause a scene, hell you technically didn’t even tell her. She’s being a megalomaniac.”
“Life lesson: if someone is refusing to talk about something, at a bear minimum ensure your in a private location before pressing them, as they usually have good cause to believe you don’t want to hear it” – Free_Ad_7708
“Not only did OP delay to be kind to SIL, but then SIL repaid her by ruining her & her husband’s pregnancy announcement. They are excited to be parents and because SIL had to be a pushy, boundary-stomping drama queen, OP’s in-laws all know about the pregnancy prior to their announcement.”
“OP, you are NTA and tbh, I’d be mad at SIL for exposing my pregnancy before I was ready to tell and for ruining the joy of telling my SO’s parents they are going to be grandparents in my own special way.”
“I cannot believe she had the audacity to be angry with YOU after all of this.” – gaelicpasta3
“NTA she likely kept asking because she wanted you to say it. She had to notice you were drinking water and wanted you to say you were pregnant.”
“When you didn’t she caused a scene making it out to be you did say you were pregnant when you didn’t even answer her. There would have been no making her happy.”
“Didn’t tell her she makes your pregnancy about her. If you had told her, she likely would have done the same and said you just got pregnant to ruin her wedding.”
“There’s something going on between SIL and your husband and/or you that needs resolved on her end since she’s not saying what’s actually bothering her.” – Auntimeme
This goes beyond SIL being upset about guessing OP was pregnant. Based on how OP describes things, it sounds like SIL may have announced her pregnancy for her.
This was later confirmed in the comments.
“Nta. It’s not like you said it. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve seen posted where the op made it this massive showy way. Like bringing their own cake, standing on chairs. You just rejected a drink, she shouldn’t have kept pushing. She blew it out of proportion, you kept it discreet.” – Lostintheworl
“I was planning on doing a small dinner party and telling family and friends together. After the engagement excitement is over.” – throwaway12account1 (OP)
“Did your SIL announce it to everyone after she found out or did she keep it to herself?” – juicydreamer
“She screamed it.” – throwaway12account1 (OP)
OP has every right to be mad at her SIL for ruining her pregnancy announcement.
Regardless, there’s something to be said for not pressuring people to drink, no matter the situation.
“Turn it around. Tell everybody that SIL was pressuring you to drink, DEDUCED that you were pregnant, and announced it in a horrifically negative and public way without your consent.”
“Point out that SHE stole YOUR moment to announce your pregnancy in the way you wanted. Be madder at her, and if anyone gives you shit, tell them that being engaged does not make her above criticism. NTA.” – AdDangerous1243
“Yes!! Flip the script!! That is exactly what happened to OP and she should share her side of the story with all mutual friends & family members.” – Jenuptoolate
“Right. OP should demand an apology for having her announcement ruined!” – bojanglkeskitty
“NTA”
“But we seriously need to normalise women being able to just not drink. I’m in the ‘getting children age’ and always have to drink the ‘prove I’m not pegnant drink’.”
“I’m just a little over weight and don’t like drinking. Please let me be.” – CakeEatingRabbit
“I dated a guy who initially poked fun (or so I thought) at my desire not to drink. That was until it became full on shaming me in front of strangers in order to convince me to drink.”
“The time I had enough was when we went out to a bar and he proceeded to berate me in front of the bartender. He told the bartender ‘she always does this’, then went back to me, ‘God, are you boring.’”
“I just sat there silently because I was now decidedly getting out of this relationship.”
“Meanwhile, I’m snapped out of this reverie when he tells the bartender, ‘Just serve her something’. The bartender looked about my dad’s age and he has this cold look in his eyes and tells my boyfriend, ‘I don’t serve to anyone who doesn’t want something’.”
“‘Whoa, whoa, buddy, calm down. What’s your problem?’.”
“In the meantime, it got the attention of other patrons. Someone said, ‘Dude, she DOESN’T want to drink’ and I just sat there letting him get humiliated.”
“We left and I got him, ‘Yeah, I’m leaving’ and that was that. His version of smoothing things over was telling me that if I ‘drank more, I would actually have fun’.”
“Clearly he didn’t see me smiling and having a blast while he an absolute fool of himself and gave me a great excuse to get out of the relationship.” – leftclicksq2
If she can, OP needs to talk with her SIL about the situation. SIL needs to apologize about the whole situation.
If not, there may be some bad blood going forward, but it may resolve itself in time.