Pets are part of the family.
To many people, pets are akin to a child.
So that means a lot of daily nurture, love, and responsibility is involved.
And like having kids, some feel like they can’t be separated for long periods of time from their pets.
This can cause some real issues in all aspects of life.
Because many others don’t see pets on the same level.
This can be especially problematic in romantic relationships.
Case in point…
Redditor MentalTrade wanted to discuss her experience and get some feedback. So naturally, she came to visit the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit.
She asked:
“AITA for not wanting to (22 Female]) to travel for a year because we can’t bring our cat?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“My (22 F) and my B[oy]F[rined]’s (23 M[ale]) cat is 2 years old and I love her with all my heart.”
“I say ‘our cat’ but she’s really mine.”
“She’s lived with me her whole life.”
“I have taken care of her.”
“She loves me so much and you can really tell.”
“She cuddles every night with me to go to sleep.”
“I love her with my whole heart.”
“My BF recently came to me with the idea to travel to Australia for a year, two years from now.”
“I loved the idea.”
“I was completely on board and told him that I want to go however if I can’t bring my cat then I’m not doing it.”
“Well, I just found out that I can’t bring her because of the breed she is.”
“I don’t want to go anymore.”
“It simply is just no longer an option for me.”
“I told my BF this.”
“He asked me if he applies to jobs there and gets offered one then wouldn’t I move with him.”
“And I told him no.”
“He then proceeded to tell me that he would break up with me at that point.”
“He thinks I’m prioritizing the cat over my life and living experiences.”
“I have no issue with traveling and leaving my cat for like a month (I have done that once before).”
“But a whole year without her would break my heart.”
“She’s basically my baby.”
“I don’t feel like I’m really that crazy with my pet.”
“Do I just leave my pet behind and move to Australia for a year?”
“Or do I stand my ground and maybe only travel for a month somewhere?”
The OP was left to wonder,
“AITA for choosing my cat over my BF’s and my experiences in life?”
“Or is he theTA for expecting me to drop something I love so much to travel?”
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed some options to the question AITA:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Many Redditors declared OP was NOT the A**hole.
“NAH. It’s reasonable not to want to leave your pet for a year.”
“It’s also reasonable to want to go on a trip for a year without the cat.”
“What wouldn’t be reasonable is you two forcing your decisions on each other.”
“It sounds like your boyfriend is creeping into that territory by effectively offering you an ultimatum.”
“It sounds like you two have pretty different priorities in terms of travel and lifestyle.”
“That’s okay!”
“Dating is the time to figure out if you’re compatible long-term.”
“Maybe you two aren’t.”
“That doesn’t make either of you a**holes.” ~ NimbleCactus
“This seems like the correct call on the BF’s part to me (although without knowing the tone in which he said it it’s hard to tell).”
“People date in order to find someone whose life goals align with their own – if the BF really wants to travel extensively and is now realizing OP likes the idea of travel but is not willing to make the sacrifices necessary to do so.”
“That seems like a reasonable reason to break up.” ~ Gloomy_Ruminant
“I agree that we don’t know the tone of the conversation – we’ve only got OP’s account to go by.”
“But I don’t quite agree that it’s the ‘correct call’ from the BF. If your life goals don’t match those of your partner, then yes, break up – means you’re incompatible.”
“But don’t do it by issuing an ultimatum.”
“You have a clear and calm conversation about what the next steps are, and how you go about ending the relationship and separating your lives.” ~ SparkWife
“Him saying that he thinks she’s prioritizing her cat over HER life and living experiences is what sounds questionable to me.”
“She is prioritizing her life; her life includes her cat.”
“It’s HIS life that doesn’t include that.”
“That’s fine if he doesn’t, but I don’t like that he’s getting into telling her that she’s choosing wrong for her own life.”
“That aside, though: yes, agreed with you that if two people have clearly incompatible priorities then they just might not be able to stay together.”
“That’s no one’s fault—it just is.” ~ only_living_girl
“People criticize ‘ultimatums’ as if they are inherently bad. They are not.”
“He has an opportunity for a year-long, once-in-a-lifetime experience.”
“Telling her that he is going on it may technically be an ‘ultimatum’ but so what?”
“It’s IMPORTANT to him, should he not do that?”
“Should he give up on a dream because he’s afraid to draw a hard line?”
“If someone wants marriage and the other doesn’t, is the one who wants marriage REQUIRED to stay in the relationship because otherwise they’d be issuing an ultimatum?”
“If one wants kids and one doesn’t, does that person have to stay in the relationship and give up kids, because they’d have to give an ultimatum?”
“If something is important, it’s absolutely OK for it to be a relationship ender and for a person to present it as such.”
“You don’t have to be a jerk about it, but people shouldn’t feel afraid to stand up for their own lives.” ~ BigMax
“I think the difference also partially has to do with the perception of responsibility.”
“A boundary would be saying, ‘I will not accept this thing, so if you continue, I will make the decision to leave.'”
“An ultimatum would be saying, ‘If you do (or keep doing) this thing, you will make me leave.'”
“It’s why healthy boundaries are part of psychological healing (where ‘this thing’ is abusive behavior from the other person), and ultimatums are not so much.”
“I agree that the conversation in this post is kind of neither.”
“Although, as a cat lover, I’m biased more towards NTA territory myself!” ~ essiedee
“Right, and it’s a really REALLY thin line, a lot of the time.”
“If you don’t move to Australia with me, we’re breaking up’ is technically an ultimatum.”
“I cannot be in a relationship with somebody who lives on a different continent than me’ is technically a boundary.”
“But OP’s BF didn’t make an ultimatum or a boundary; he made an observation.”
“They have irreconcilably different priorities, so the relationship is already doomed.”
“In my mind, an ultimatum usually requires an element of punishment, or maybe ‘forcible coercion.'”
“I mean, I understand the whole ‘a boundary is an I statement that gives you more information to make your own choices idea,’ but fundamentally, it’s a matter of speaker intent.”
“If you say ‘If you won’t be moving to Australia, we’re breaking up’ with the intent of coercion, it’s an ultimatum.”
“If you say exactly the same thing with the intent of pointing out the obvious result of a course of action, is it still an ultimatum?”
“Is saying ‘Look both ways before crossing the street or you’ll be hit by a car’ an ultimatum?” ~ Cent1234
“NAH. I turned down many vacations because I didn’t want to leave my dog, who was very attached to me as well.”
“If my husband had asked something like that of me, it would have been a deal breaker.”
“But he’s not an a**hole for asking or for possibly ending it if you don’t want to go.”
“Your lives just might not be compatible.” ~ chickadeedeedee_
“Our dogs have anxiety, and one of them is so severe that he takes daily anti-anxiety medicine and has PRN meds.”
“So if my parents are going out of town, I stay home.”
“I don’t mind it, it’s nice to have the house to myself and I love cuddling with the pups in the morning.”
“I’m completely on OP’s side.”
“Besides, going on vacation is completely different than moving to another country permanently.” ~ chaosworker22
“NTA. A year is a long time to leave a cat.”
“You are being a responsible pet owner.”
“It’s kind of nuts to get a cat and then two years later just leave her somewhere for a year.” ~ Unfair_Finger5531
“NAH, but even if he said yes taking a cat to Australia is a lengthy expensive process that would require they be quarantined after a stressful long flight – it wouldn’t be fair to them regardless.”
“He’s not wrong for not wanting to go, and you’re not wrong for not wanting to leave your pet. Sounds like an incompatibility.” ~ plastic_venus
“NAH, and please ignore anyone placing any blame or spouting s**t about priorities.”
“You’re not willing to go a year without your cat. That’s very reasonable, makes you a good owner, and doesn’t mean you don’t love your BF.”
“He wants to travel.”
“It’s a great thing to do. It’s a good time, a good experience for learning and seeing new cultures, and overall a positive time.”
“Neither of you are in the wrong, and this doesn’t mean you don’t love each other.”
“Honestly? It’s two years away.”
“A lot could happen.”
“You might not even be together, or maybe you’ll be engaged.”
“There could be another pandemic, who knows?”
“The point being, you don’t know, it’s so far away in time, so why worry now?” ~ MediocreAsparagus25
“NTA. I would not leave my dogs for a year either, especially if that year might turn into forever.”
“You can get life/travel experience without being away for a whole year, and you can have that for the rest of your life.”
“But you won’t have your cat for the rest of your life.”
“It might mean you and your BF want different things in life, and you aren’t compatible.” ~ Dashqu
Well, OP, Reddit is with you.
The love of a pet is unparalleled.
And they know when their owner is missing.
It’s difficult because it is only a year, so that it may sound doable to others.
But you have to do what’s best for you.
Good luck.