Weddings are full of feelings for both the pair getting married and their guests.
One particular Redditor, twin_bridesmaid, anticipated being her twin sister’s maid of honor, and when she found out she wouldn’t be, she was heartbroken.
The Original Poster (OP) sought out subReddit “Am I the A**hole?” (AITA) for validation.
She asked:
“AITA for pulling out of my sister’s wedding due to her inlaws?”
She went on to tell her story.
“For background, Stella and I are identical twins, 29 [year old Females], and we will both be 30 when her wedding comes around this fall.”
“I had her as my maid of honor eight years ago, and she promised me that I could be hers when her wedding came around.”
“I have two kids, [age] 6 [Female] and [age] 3 [Female]. They’re the flower girls.”
“My marriage fell apart just over two years ago due to a stillbirth and my husband’s infidelity.”
“My parents and sister were the only reason I didn’t drown from the stress, loneliness, and total abandonment of my spouse. I was a total mess.”
“I went to therapy, got diagnosed with bipolar disorder and depression, quit drinking, and I owe a lot of it to my amazing sister.”
“She’s the reason why I kept chasing down my ex for child support when he stopped suddenly paying (he suddenly switched from “world’s best dad” to “deadbeat dumba**” so quickly that my ex MIL is disgusted with him)”
“Stella and Jon, 35 [year old Male], engaged last year. His parents are paying about 60% of the wedding. Our parents are paying 30%. Stella and Jon paying for the rest themselves.”
“The biggest caveat is that they must be married in Jon’s family’s church, full mass with communion. The family is on board because this is going to be a very big wedding.”
“Tonight, Stella had invited me to dinner, as they had finally reserved a date for the church and reception, assuming it was to formally ask me to be her MOH.”
“I was excited since I haven’t been in a wedding party aside from my own wedding.”
“Jon was with her, weird because Stella didn’t mention him coming at all in our texts about the dinner. We hugged like usual but Jon didn’t. Weirder.”
“After we got our drinks, they got to it.”
“In a nutshell, Jon expressed the following: ‘Despite my best efforts to keep it secret, my parents found out that you’re divorced when they asked why your husband wasn’t coming.’”
“‘They are no longer comfortable with you as MOH, because it won’t look good to the church if my family hears about the divorce.’”
“‘You can be a bridesmaid but can’t mention the divorce or your conditions at all during the wedding events.”’”
“I was stunned, and I felt tears in my eyes.”
“Stella started crying too and she tried to spin it in a good way.”
“’This is way less stressful for you, so it’s a good thing! MIL has already approved my BFF as my MOH, so please don’t make this any harder.’”
“I knew that I couldn’t possibly stay there through an entire meal. I had to process this new info alone.”
“I didn’t speak. I just paid for my wickedly expensive cocktail, and left to order an Uber home.”
“A few hours ago, I texted Stella that I would not be in her wedding party at all. That was my decision. I wouldn’t pull my daughters out, but I would only attend as a guest.”
“She wouldn’t take this as an answer, so I had to temp block her due to her excessive texts and calls.”
“I sent my parents a summary of what happened and promised to call them when I was in better shape tomorrow.”
“Stella thinks that this is a total overreaction. I don’t even want to know what Jon thinks at this point.”
“Please help me. AITA?”
Redditors weighed in by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Redditors decided:
“NTA”
“Honestly, I wouldn’t let the kids be in this wedding either. They don’t need to be subjected to the in-laws high and mighty attitude.” – snarkingintheusa
“Yep. I would pull the kids out of the wedding and tell her you don’t want her or her in-laws to make your children feel the way she has made you feel.” – jenknife
“For the low-low price of just 60% of the wedding, they bought your twin!”
“I see two paths here – either you convince your sister to stand against them now, or you lose her for the years it takes her to break out of their control.” – odubik
“I wouldn’t even attend.”
“I hope Stella realizes what she is getting into with a bunch of religious nuts for in-laws. If Jon isn’t like them but isn’t willing to tell them to f*ck off, I would end the relationship.”
“I don’t need to know anything else about his family to know that they suck. No hate like Christian love.”
“They’re going treat op like it was her fault her husband left her over a stillbirth and adultery? Really? If they get married, I hope they don’t have any female children.”
“There is absolutely no way I would marry into a family that would treat my sister like that and would suspect that op’s sister will be isolated from her family and be at high risk of abuse” – dragon34
“NTA- I’m appalled that your sister is even going through with this. Like [MIL approved BFF to be MOH] what the actual hell?”
“Good thing you noped out because I have a funny feeling you won’t be the only one if MIL is controlling this from behind the scenes.” – MotherBike
“It’s not just sister’s MIL — it’s John, too.”
“‘Despite my best efforts…’ Okay, thanks, buddy.”
“But OP’s life is fine. She’s living it. It’s not some weird dungeon/murder/cannibalism scandal — it’s just divorce.”
“There’s no reason to either cover it up or be ashamed of it.”
“He also clearly sold his parents (okay, they both did) the right to control their wedding. Probably because, well, he would choose what they’re choosing anyway.”
“Catholic church? ✅ Divorce-shaming? ✅ Mental-illness stigmatization? ✅”
“Is sister in love, or is she just pushing 30 and excited about getting all. the. things. that come with a big wedding? Did she actually join this terrible religion just to walk down that grand aisle?”
“NTA” – mouse_attack
“Yikes.”
“NTA, be prepared for your sister’s in-laws to try to push you out of her life because it’s already starting.” – MsMeiriona
“NTA. I’m surprised your sister didn’t have your back.” – applejax1012
“NTA. You have been judged not worthy by your sister’s soon-to-be husband and in-laws, and so, in a sense, they are the ones making this decision for you.”
“By the mere fact that you still want to attend as a guest shows that you are not making this decision lightly or out of spite.”
“Best of luck to you, and I feel very sorry for your sister who is marrying an extremely judgmental fiance with parents even worse.”
“There are many Catholics that are not like this, and for those that are, it seems to be the exact opposite of what Jesus would have wanted.” – anitarielleliphe
“I don’t know what church your sister is becoming part of, but I do not know a single Christian denomination that condemns a woman for divorcing a spouse for infidelity.”
“Not one.”
“NTA” – sometimesblessed
“Nta. She’s bending to the will of her inlaws, who are footing the bill and now believe they have some power over decisions. She should’ve stood by you as her identical sister. IMO.” – 80sForeva
The OP wanted to provide and update clarify a few of Reddit’s questions:
“Thank you for all the responses. I half expected to be told to just put up with it and be a plain bridesmaid, which while difficult, I kinda would have forced myself to just to make Stella happy.”
“I was just so blindsided, and I feel like I’ve been gut-punched, and I do need to be told if I am overreacting in a big way sometimes.”
“I’m going to fall asleep now while binging Friends. And wonder if my twin has suddenly become an Ursula instead of Phoebe…”
“I can’t thank everyone enough for their input.”
“I have a call scheduled with my parents this afternoon (from what I gathered, they are extremely upset with Stella and Jon at the moment).”
“Depending on how that goes, I will talk to my girls about doing something big and fun instead. The more I think about it, sitting through a mass sounds less and less appealing. I’m not even religious.”
“And I saw this query in the comments… yes, I had a cocktail with no alcohol.”
“I use the word mocktail, but I guess its meaning is still lost to some people.”
“X’D When I asked for a list of “mocktails” last night, the server was a little condescending about it and said they’re still called cocktails if they’re not alcoholic.”
Hopefully, the bride will realize her mistake before it’s too late.