Laundry day can often be a stressful day—even when you’re a doctor.
And figuring out the laundry process is a relationship issue many people don’t discuss nearly enough.
Get raw and truthful about how you want to wash clothes before it’s a problem.
Case in point…
Our Redditor JazzlikeLetter4618 to discuss his story for some feedback. So naturally he came to visit the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit.
He asked:
“AITA for not wanting to wash period underwear with my clothes?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“My (28 M[ale]) girlfriend (26 F[emale]) and I moved in together a few weeks ago.”
“We’ve been together 3 years and moving towards marriage. I want to say I have nothing against periods.”
“I’ll buy tampons or whatever without complaint. I don’t think periods are gross. But I’m not a fan of blood.”
“I’m a doctor so I deal with blood all the time, but it’s with protective gear. And anything like scrubs that get bloody are washed with strong disinfectants in a specific manner.”
“I never directly come in contact with other people’s blood.”
“Even with my own family (I babysit my nephew a lot who likes to climb trees and play rough) I will put gloves on to clean their cut or whatever.”
“Today I found out my girlfriend has been washing her period underwear in loads with my clothes. I felt really gross.”
“I re-washed the clothes that were in the load and asked her to please not wash my clothes with her period underwear.”
“She told me that was ridiculous and I deal with blood all the time and it’s not a big deal since she pre-washes them.”
“I argued that there’d still be blood on them and I wasn’t comfortable.”
“I said I’d wash my own clothes if she didn’t want to do an extra load (we rotate who does laundry/whoever is around does it, but I don’t care if I do my own clothes).”
“She continued to argue with me and I admit I snapped a bit and told her it was gross and I didn’t want my clothes in contact with her blood.”
“That did not go over well. She got really upset and said I was shaming her for a normal bodily function.”
“She’s really upset and being arguing about how she’ll just have to sleep in the guest room when she’s on her period, make sure she doesn’t touch me in case she infects me, etc.”
“She’s a bit melodramatic sometimes- this doesn’t bother me, she normally calms down after an hour or so, apologizes and we laugh about it later.”
“But this time she’s not calming down and it’s been going on for a day now. I feel really bad and have tried explaining it’s just that it’s blood.”
“I don’t think she’s gross or periods are gross. I just have a thing about blood in general. I don’t want direct contact with blood.”
“I’ve repeatedly offered to do her laundry too (I don’t mind washing her period underwear, just not in the same load as the clothes I wear).”
“But she’s adamant that I’m TA.”
“I’m starting to wonder if I am.”
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Redditors were a bit divided here.
It seems to be a tricky situation.
Let’s hear their thoughts…
“YTA. Assuming that you are sexually active you are sharing way more fluids (including blood) than the fluids that could be mixed in a laundry load.”
“Is it odd to think a Doctor would actually know this?” ~ teamjetfire
“Logically I do understand that. But blood is different for me. Even after we have sex I do need to shower after.”
“I always have. My girlfriend has known since pretty much day 1 of dating that I can be a little weird about bodily fluids (it’s really only blood that bothers me and there is a childhood trauma that is related to- someone could projectile vomit on me and I wouldn’t bat an eye).”
“I’ve been in therapy for my aversion to blood and it’s helped, but I basically reached a point of just needing to wash after I touched the blood and then I’m good.”
“If I used a cloth to clean up blood like after cutting myself in the kitchen I have to wash the cloth separately too.”
“Again this is stuff my girlfriend knows. I never kept it secret and she’s never had an issue until this.”
“I’ll wash her period underwear, just wash my hands after and put my clothes in separately.”
“This is much improved to where I was at 10 years ago.” ~ JazzlikeLetter4618
“Idk man, sounds like you are the one who is being melodramatic.”
“The underwear is pre-washed and would likely amount to minimal actual blood being mixed.”
“Also, despite your assertion that you are not grossed out by her per se, it would be hard for her to hear that her Dr B[oy]F[riend] thinks her blood is the same as all the potentially infected blood that he deals with at work.” ~ teamjetfire
“OP, you’re NTA you being uncomfortable should be enough.”
“Especially since you offered a solution by being willing to do your own clothes.”
“Sex is gross people who don’t shower after or at least the day of aren’t hygienic in my books.” ~ Fearless-Buy2441
“I can’t fault you for this. I don’t wash my own period underwear with my own clothes.”
“I hand wash and then throw them in with the rest of the load.”
“But again, it’s a personal preference thing that I don’t think everyone will agree with.”
“I think you offered a reasonable solution of wanting to do your own laundry.”
“I also see that maybe your gf is not used to doing things this way and therefore getting offended. NAH.” ~ MoonLover318
Our OP had opinions pouring in, so he added to his tale.
“Someone said I should add this as it might change things. I had a traumatic event happen as a child that resulted in a phobia of blood.”
“I spent years in therapy for it and can now handle blood. I can touch it if I can wash immediately (I’ll wash her period underwear, but not with my clothes, and then just wash my hands).”
“This is a million times better than where things were 10 years ago. My girlfriend knows all this.”
“I told her about my weird issues with blood (I know it’s 100% illogical) pretty much from our first date. She knows everything and has always been understanding.”
“When I asked her if she would wash her period underwear separately (and also said I’d do all the laundry if that helped before she responded) I truly thought she’d just say yes since she knows how weird I am about blood.”
“And I have zero issue with other bodily fluids. And if someone did accidentally bleed on me I’ll just wash then get gloves, etc.”
“When at work I wear extra protective gear and always have (it’s provided to me through work as part of our disability program because this is technically a mental illness, though I don’t really see it that way anymore just as an inconvenience).”
People had more to say.
“NTA. I don’t even wash my own bloody underwear with my own laundry, let alone my husband’s. Period underwear should be washed separately.”
“Husband doesn’t care to wash his whites and colors separately but I do, so we each do our own laundry.”
“You should do your own laundry, and gf should do hers separately. It’s very simple, why the huge fuss?” ~ pandemicfugue
“NTA, I’m a woman and I wash my period panties/etc in a separate load and they’re not even like the free bleeding kind of period panties.”
I think it’s just a personal preference. I also won’t wash kitchen towels with my bathroom towels etc. Idk it just seems wrong.”
“She’s having a massive overreaction.” ~ fabledangie
“YTA. Not saying you’re a huge chauvinist or anything, just saying that this is just an unrealistic hangup to have.”
“Blood acts like all bodily fluids when put in the wash – almost every piece of clothing you put in there will have a layer of sweat on them.”
“I’d even argue that a period panty has less bodily fluids on it than a sports shirt.”
“And if anything is going to stain, it’ll stay on her underwear – washers have drains and don’t let your clothes sit in dirty water.”
“Also – if or when you have kids, this will just get even more unrealistic.”
“After pregnancy, women bleed for months: making her do a separate load of stained laundry on top of caring for a newborn is unthinkable.”
“Plus, every single item a child up to the age of four wears will have some kind of food, piss, s**t or puke on it.”
“If the stain isn’t solid there’s literally no reason not to put it in a washer.” ~ LordVetittynari
“NTA. You’re not asking for much, and you’re offering a lot of compromise.”
“Some people just have their quirks and your aversion to blood should not be that big of a deal.” ~June_Salazar
“Are you talking about underwear she’s bled into, or just underwear that she happened to be wearing on her period (which may not have any blood at all on it)?”
“But then again…if she’s prewashing them, it doesn’t sound like there’s any blood to worry about.”
“And either way, the blood isn’t going to come into contact with yours.”
“YTA.” ~ Spotzie27
“NTA, as a long time married man I feel your reaction is a bit extreme but you voiced your issue offered to make the effort to wash your own clothes so your in the clear.” ~ chaotichistory
After hearing everyone’s thoughts our OP felt compelled to update.
He added…
“People really seem to think as a doctor I spend all day covered in blood. If my patients are bleeding something is very very wrong because that doesn’t happen with the medical issues I treat.”
“The most blood I deal with is looking at lab results.”
“I haven’t dealt with blood since my first two years of residency and even then, I always had proper protective equipment (even has to, I just use extra which has never once been an issue for anyone).”
“It’s been several years now since I’ve had to handle blood in a medical setting. In medical school I also had protective equipment.”
“So again, it wasn’t an issue. I used to (well before I started medical school) not even be able to look at blood.”
“Now, I just need some kind of barrier (like a glove) to be able to touch it and if I have inadvertent contact I just wash myself immediately.”
“This most recently happened a year or so ago when my girlfriend bled on the sheets and inadvertently my leg.”
“I did not freak out. I just took a shower and then helped change the sheets (I have a special mattress protector so that just got washed too and I don’t have to worry about the mattress).”
“I told my girlfriend then it was no big deal, don’t worry, nothing to apologize for (because there wasn’t, it’s not like it was on purpose), etc. I’ve got very few hang ups and triggers left.”
“One happens to be long term direct contact with blood, washing my clothes with things that have/could have blood on them, and when an article of clothing gets bloody I need to wash it a special way.”
“(it’s just my clothes that’d I’d wear- I don’t care how my girlfriend wants to wash her period underwear or how a bloody towel would get washed, etc).”
“It all relates back to my trauma which I am still working on. There’s been little progress in the last 7 years and maybe there never will be more.”
“My girlfriend and I have talked about what this would mean if we had kids.”
“Though we actually don’t want children of our own. But, if it happened we’d work through it and have discussed it.”
“We’ve never had an issue with my nephew when he gets banged up. I can clean him up on my own.”
“When he asks why I wear gloves and others don’t I’ve told him that I am afraid of blood because of something that happened (it’s not child appropriate, but he and any other child will be told when they’re older as the traumatic event affects my whole family greatly in different ways).”
“I tell him he shouldn’t scared and that it’s like his mum (my sister) being scared of spiders and how he’s not. He accepts that explanation without issue.”
“Also, I used the word melodrama because that’s what she calls herself.”
“When we first got together she told me she could be melodramatic and would probably freak out over stupid things and create drama.”
“She told me this when I told her about my blood baggage.”
“She said that she’s accept me and my issues if I’d accept her and her melodramatic tendencies.”
“I never meant it to be derogatory to her or that she’s always the one to apologize because she’s not. I always apologize when I’m in the wrong.”
“We don’t argue frequently, it’s rare for us and it’s usually something silly and we both get over it and then talk it out and laugh about it because we agree on the big stuff but didn’t need to create a mess about how the plates were loaded ‘wrong’ in the dishwasher.”
“Again I’ve apologized to her many times.”
“I never meant to make her feel like I’m disgusted by her or her period. I truly believe she understood that based off our numerous conversations and past history.”
“I’m going to keep trying, but she refuses to communicate with me.”
“So I’m leaving her alone for now. I’ve told her when she’s ready to talk I’m here.”
Woof, that is a lot to unpack.
This issue caught fire fast.
We can all admit we hate doing laundry
Who knew it could almost cripple relationships?
Here’s to better times for these two.