"It's the thought that counts."
What we're ingrained to say and feel from a young age, so that we acknowledge being grateful for any gift.
If we're honest, we will always get some presents that we like more than others.
Regardless of how we really feel, however, we should always be grateful when someone shows they care about us enough to give us a present.
The niece of Redditor AltruisticSimple4428 recently celebrated her birthday.
Thinking they knew their niece, the original poster (OP) came up with what they thought was the perfect gift.
While the OP's niece seemed to love her present, the OP's mother openly expressed her disapproval.
Worried they might have slighted their niece, the OP took to the subReddit "Am I the A**Hole" (AITA), where they asked fellow Redditors:
"AITA for getting my sister a 'doctor kit'?"
The OP explained why the birthday present they gave their niece proved polarizing to their family:
"My sister, Jem, (preteen) just had her birthday party."
"All of my siblings and I have always been close, for the most part."
"Well, recently, Jem has been expressing interest in being a doctor when she grows up."
"I’m in the medical field, so I was thrilled!"
"I wanted to get her a doctor kit for her birthday, but when I got to looking, everything seemed too young for her- along with cheap and plastic."
"Well, I figured I had some supplies in my house that I’d outgrown, so who better to give it to?"
"At the party, Jem opened her very own 'doctor' kit!"
"I gave her my old stethoscope and BP cuff, pulse ox, a pair of scrubs that would almost fit her, an ace wrap, some disposable supplies from work, a thermometer, procedure masks and a gown, even an old reflex hammer that one of my doctors offered to throw in."
"Nothing was sharp or dangerous."
"I also taught her how to use it later that night, and she was THRILLED!"
"We could hardly get her to sit down and eat dinner, my heart ached seeing her so happy for the first time like that in a long time."
"Yesterday, my mother texted me, very upset."
"She said that the gift was bad because almost all of it was used- and I’d upgraded my own stuff to give Jem "
"instead of buying new for her."
"She said the scrubs didn’t fit Jem properly, so Jem was sad that I’d decided to 'cheap out' on her."
"I don’t have a lot of money, and I tried to explain real equipment is expensive."
"My mother said I should’ve gone with a different gift, then."
"She said this was a repeat of my brother’s 'ramen kit' all over again."
"The ramen kit was for my brother, who really, really likes ramen."
"I bought him all different types of ramen, toppings, and sauce from different countries so he could try them."
"I think he ate at least some of it, because there was a lot missing from the box when I came to visit."
"But my mom said the gift was cheap and bad for his health."
"I thought my gift had been thoughtful and had shown how I’m paying attention to her interests, but my mom and Jem have been ignoring me."
"I didn’t mean to offend her, and now I wish I’d never done this stupid present at all."
"I know they live differently from me, but she seemed happy when she first got it."
"I could be the AITA because most of what I gave her is used, but I’m not sure."
"AITA, Reddit?"
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You're The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
The Reddit community resoundingly agreed that the OP was not the a**Hole for giving Jem a doctor kit.
Everyone agreed that the OP's gift was extremely thoughtful and showed how well she knew Jem, with others thinking it was quite clear that the OP's mother seemed to be influencing Jem's opinion of her gift:
"Why does your mother’s attempt to stir up trouble matter more than your sister’s reaction?"
"She loved her gift, and it was thoughtful."
"NTA."- ManifestDiatribe
"NTA."
"Your gift was extremely thoughtful, and besides, Jem is 12, it’s not like the scrubs need to fit her properly to go to work or something lol."
"I’d talk to your sister about it."
"You’re getting secondhand info from your mother."- ifticar2
"NTA."
"Ask Jem how she truly feels."
"Your mother might be putting words into her mouth/brain."- Lunar-Eclipse0204
"Joke's on your mom, scrubs don't fit ANYONE properly!"
"NTA."
"These people sound insufferable."
"The gift was showing her how to use these items."
"At 22, I wasn't buying anyone gifts, I was broke AF."- JustGenericName2
"NTA."
"Maybe your mom was unhappy but not Jem."
"Talk to Jem directly?"
"And also maybe you can take her on a hospital shadow trip/field trip to strengthen your bond or extend the birthday present."- vlzie
"NTA."
"Since Jem won't talk to you, it seems like Mom may have gotten in her ear about everything being used and secondhand."
"If you're able to talk to Jem 1-on-1 in person, I'd say that's ideal and explain why everything was secondhand."
"Medical equipment IS expensive."
"Scrubs are expensive."
"If you got her everything new, that would've been hundreds of dollars, and that's just not reasonable."
"You wanted to give her the real deal, not the kiddie shit you saw online or in stores."
"If in person isn't possible, maybe just a flat text explaining everything and then leaving the ball in her court for when she's ready to reply."
"She's 12, even if she doesn't appreciate it now hopefully she will later."- SillyQuadrupeds
"NTA, but after reading this and some comments - your mom is."
"I think you need to spend 1-on-1 time with your siblings and ask them how they feel about their gifts, take them out somewhere, or have them over."
"You might learn that mom is shaming them for enjoying something she personally doesn't like/gifts you gifted."
"Your mom will draw a wedge between you and your younger siblings if this is true."
"I wonder if she does other exclusionary behavior with you?"- Twichl2
"NTA."
"I think Jem is truly happy."
"It's just your mom."
"I don't believe Jem said that to her."
"And maybe she has gotten into convincing Jem that your gifts are not good."
"You were thoughtful."
"Why is your mom teaching Jem that a present's value should be measured by price?"- Frankensteins_Kid
"NTA."
"Does your mom even like you?"- Oprah_Pwnfrey
"NTA but your mom is."
"Jesus."
"Your sister loved her gift before your mom torched the good time and good feelings your sister had."
"My guess is that your sister loved your present of 'used items' more than the other gifts and your mom couldn’t handle it."
"Thought is > than money spent, as this clearly shows."
"I dislike your mother quite a bit."- Lacroix24601
"NTA... ungrateful fam."
"Your gift had more thought than anyone else's I'm sure."
"We need to hear the Ramen Kit story tho."- StackIsMyCrack
"NTA, she's a kid, and she was happy about it."- Hollow4004
"NTA."
"I'm sure everything was clean and sanitized before you gave it to her."
"I think your mom is behind this and b/c Jem is at home, she's buckling under the influence."
"If you can get Jem alone, I would ask her directly and kindly what happened."
"Offer to get her scrubs that fit."
"It sounds like she was really happy and now your mom has taken the wind out of her sails."- BidRevolutionary945
"NTA."
"When I graduated medical school, my dad gave me his 35 yr old stethoscope, blood pressure cuff, and reflex hammer from his omf residency."
"I freaking loved the gift."
"They were completely unusable, but having that connection between what we both went through 35 years apart was amazing."
"In all honesty, I appreciated it more because it was his than if it had been new and usable."
"My school-aged kid now wants to be a doctor, and I gave the set to her."
"I think your gift was amazing and I'm sad that your mother seems to have ruined it."- SleepOne7906
"NTA."
"Your mother clearly talked down the gifts in front of your sister to make her believe it's actually bad and thoughtless."
"Ask your sister how she actually feels about the gift without your mother present."
"She showed genuine joy upon receiving it, so clearly something happened between then and now to change her view."-AmJustLurking96
Even if the OP's present was "used," she gave her niece actual medical devices, knowing what her aspirations were.
Something that one would think would please any parent.
The reaction of the OP's mother leads one to believe she is nearly impossible to please, and as such, her children continue to strive for her approval.
Even over something as menial as birthday presents.
