Finances can be the bane of existence for any relationship.
Living with someone and splitting expenses sounds great on paper.
But that paper can often tear.
Not everyone is always pulling their financial weight.
Redditor Pink-princess_- found herself in a personal dilemma regarding her relationship with her B[oy]F[riend], so she turned to the “Am I The A**Hole” (AITAH) subreddit for feedback.
Similar to AITA, the AITAH subReddit allows posters to ask for advice and post about ending relationships—both things that are banned on AITA. However, there are no required voting acronyms—only suggested ones—and no official final judgment declared.
She asked:
“AITAH for wanting to break up with my boyfriend over money?”
The original poster (OP) explained:
“So I (21 F[emale]) inherited a house at 17, and I’ve really put a lot of work into it.”
“It has four bedrooms and two bathrooms.”
“I also live on a 6-acre lot and have plenty of room to do anything I want.”
“I met my boyfriend (23 M[ale]) a little over two years ago, and we hit it off pretty fast.”
“Within a month, we were dating, and he was staying with his parents.”
“So, of course, the next step in our relationship was for him to move in with me.”
“We keep our own personal bills separate (car note, car insurance, subscriptions, etc.) but try to split everything we share evenly.”
“Lately, that hasn’t really been happening.”
“He makes $90,000 USD, and I make about 14,400 in a year.”
“The reason I make so little is that I’m still in school and currently work as an office assistant.”
“He’s a diesel mechanic.”
“I pay at least 100 a week on groceries, and they’re normally gone by the next week.”
“I weigh about 120 pounds, and I pretty much just graze.”
“But I do cook for him because he’s always hungry and he constantly complains that we never have any food.”
“Meanwhile, he’s the one eating the food… lol.”
“Our light bill is about 300, and our deal was that I pay for groceries, wifi, and home necessities if he pays the light bill and phone bill.”
“I already paid the light bill for last month because after I told him about it, he ‘forgot about it,’ and the next week the phone bill came in.”
“I reminded him again about the light bill while we were sitting on the couch the other night, and he brought up splitting the phone bill.”
“I told him sure, and it’s been a week later, and I paid my half of the phone bill, and he still hasn’t paid me back for the light bill.”
“I know I’m not entitled to his money, but I do expect help with the bills if we’re going to be living together.”
“He just makes me feel so bad after he pays for something.”
“Like I cook and clean and split bills with him, and he just acts like a child when it’s time for him to pay up.”
“What do I do?”
“I’m thinking about breaking up with him because he honestly just stresses me out.”
“The majority of my time goes into cleaning and planning meals for him and school.”
“I don’t think I can do this anymore.”
The OP was left to wonder:
“So… AITAH?”
Some Redditors weighed in by using the AITA voting acronyms:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Redditors decided the OP was NOT the A**hole here.
“After reading all of this… ask yourself, what does he bring to the relationship?”
“On top of providing him with free housing, cooking, cleaning, and some of the shared utilities that he’s responsible for, he’s not contributing anything.”
“He’s taking you for a ride, and you’re his new mommy.”
“Kick him out and end the relationship because he’s taking advantage of you.”
“You’d probably be better off leasing a room or two to tenants who will actually pay rent.”
“That would significantly support your income while you’re in school.” ~ jasperjamboree
“NTAH. Yeah, he makes 90 thou and lives at home?”
“And now he can’t keep up with some responsibilities like paying monthly bills?”
“What is he spending his money on?”
“He should have been buying the groceries, since he was eating the majority of the food.”
“He either needs to pay up, or he’s out.”
“He’s free-loading on a student with a small yearly income, and that is incredibly selfish.”
“Tell him to go back to his mommy.”
“He’s obviously not grown up yet.” ~ Specialist-Jello7544
“You should be charging this man rent on top of splitting bills.”
“You’re in a great financial position with a paid-off house, don’t let a leech drag you down.”
“He’s taking advantage of not having to pay rent anywhere, particularly when his salary is 6 times yours.”
“Unbelievable – I would show him the door if he thinks this behaviour is okay.” ~ throwaway63464748
“Exactly, and it’s so easy for him, now he wants you to be his mommy and pay the bills for him too.”
“You’ll be way better off single!”
“You don’t need to be taking care of a man, especially at 21.”
“Go have fun, sister!” ~ cathalizabeth
“Don’t let him pay rent, OP!”
“Depending on where you are, this might give him tenants’ rights.”
“Just kick him out and break up with him.”
“You caught yourself a leech.” ~ willow_star86
“He’s a bum!”
“He’s living in a house for free; he should be paying ALL of the bills.”
“Kick him out and be single and find out who you are.”
“This man is making about 80% MORE than you, and he’s whining about a few dollars!”
“Whew, I could cuss!”
“Give that man his pink slip and send him packing back to his parents’ house.” ~ whoisyaya
“He’s a hobosexual, and he’s using you.”
“He needs to ship out.”
“You deserve better.” ~ kerill333
“This! Girl, he saw a woman he could take advantage of.”
“He should be buying food.”
“Why isn’t he cooking?”
“Does he clean?”
“If anything, you should see what it costs to rent a one-bedroom and charge him half that.”
“He should be giving you a set amount monthly for bills as well.”
“Phone, groceries, and utilities.”
“For example, if your water bill doubled, he should pay half.”
“And if he gives you grief?”
“He knows where the door is.”
“Personally, I’d drop the dud and not tell the next guy you own a home.” ~ beerab
“Honey, show him the door.”
“You’re too young to be this stressed out.”
“Get some roommates for those extra rooms and get yourself a nice, fat savings account.”
“You have plenty of time for a relationship, and someone more mature and a better partner will come along at the right time.”
“Focus on YOU!”
“I’m cheering for you.” ~ SShock2020
“This 👆👆 a thousand times.”
“You are so young, and it may not feel like it, but you have many years ahead to find the right one who will respect and adore you.” ~ ladyforross
“Are you sure he really makes $90,000 a year, because that is a lot of money for someone twice his age, but for 23, I find it hard to believe.”
“Everything you describe sounds like someone who has no money and is relying on yours to get by.”
“He may be a ‘hobosexual'”
Someone who enters into a romantic relationship purely to secure a place to live.”
“If his money is real, then my God!”
“That would make the situation far worse!”
“I’m not sure what the way forward for you is, but have a talk with him first to see if this might be a miscommunication.”
“If not, then maybe you should end the relationship.”
“He doesn’t sound good for you.”
“I wish you luck.” ~ HugeDrawer5600
“NTA, he is more of a burden than a blessing and sees you as his free ride.” ~ chapteronetwo
“NTA.”
“One: He is NOT making $90k in a year at just 23 as a diesel mechanic.”
“He has lied to you. Period.”
“Two: He is NOT acting like a child.”
“He IS ONE.”
“He wants to live rent FREE, responsibility FREE in YOUR house.”
“You don’t have a boyfriend.”
“You have a literal child in your house.”
“Send him back to his mommy.”
“Three: Get a new boyfriend who actually respects you and shares responsibilities/expenses/everything equally with you.” ~ vdritz
“NTA, as they say, you never really know someone until you live with them.”
“I suggest talking about it first, don’t set up an ultimatum, but something of the sort — just tell him how it stresses you out, how it’s disrespectful, and that you won’t take him ‘forgetting’ to pay his share of the bills any moment longer.”
“That’ll give him a hint, and if he breaks your deal again, then he can’t claim to be surprised if you decide to dump him.” ~ Radiant_Pain7025
“You’re better off renting two bedrooms and making some money with that house.”
“He’s a grown man and can buy his own food and make his meals.”
“He’s really taking advantage of your situation. “
“In the future, don’t disclose that the house is paid off, and don’t let anyone just live there for free.” ~ PsychologicalNose197
“So he pays $300 a month (sometimes) to live in your large home and have you cook for him?”
“Girl… NTA.”
“Have one more adult conversation about a FAIR split of expenses, including rent, and if he balks, send him back to his mom.” ~ thebabes2
“NTA, and you have a mooch!!!”
“You need to start making him pay for the food he eats, and when he starts b*tching then you need to tell him to move out.”
“NTA, he is totally taking advantage of you financially, and I bet you do 100% of the housework too.”
“NTA, he needs to step up or get out!!!”
“Grow a spine, you deserve better.” ~ Vaaliindraa
“He’s completely taking advantage of you and preying on your nature.”
“He’s completely benefiting from being difficult, and you’re letting him skate.”
“You teach people how they can treat you, unfortunately.” ~ lsu444
Reddit is with you, OP.
Time to hit the road, Jack.
This is your home.
You can try to fix things, but it may not be the best choice to legally put his name on the house.
Be careful and good luck.