Divorce is never an easy process.
And when it’s done, it is supposed to be done.
But some people tend not to receive the message clearly.
Some past partners just can’t help themselves, and they continue to rely on their ex.
This can be a very awkward situation.
Case in point…
Redditor Both_Ad6935 wanted to discuss their experience and get some feedback. So naturally, they came to visit the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit.
They asked:
“AITA for refusing to help with my ex-dog’s vet bills?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“My ex-wife wanted a purebred dog as a pet when we were together.”
“I tried to talk her into a rescue dog, but she said no.”
“I tried to talk her into adopting a mutt since they are generally healthier than all the inbred ‘pure’ dogs. Nope.”
“She had to have a very specific dog breed.”
“This particular breed is famously bad at breathing.”
“I could afford it, so I finally gave in.”
“I got her the dog she wanted.”
“He was never ‘our’ dog.”
“He was ‘her’ dog.”
“Unless it was unpleasant outside.”
“Then I had to walk him.”
“I also paid all the vet bills and dog-related bills.”
“When we divorced, she took her dog with her.”
“No kids, thank God, so no child support.”
“No spousal support either.”
“Well, it has been about six months since I heard from her.”
“The dog is not doing well and needs some fairly extensive and expensive surgery.”
“Since he was our baby, she wants me to pay for the operations.”
“I said no thank you.”
“Now she is pissed and is contacting my friends and family trying to get me to change my mind.”
“Some of my friends are starting to take her side.”
“They say that I’m being an a**hole for not helping an animal that I used to care about.”
“I don’t think I owe her any help.”
“I thought buying him was a bad idea.”
“I was repeatedly told he wasn’t mine.”
“And she left with him, and I have not seen them in months.”
“So AITA?”
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed some options to the question AITA:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Many Redditors declared OP was NOT the A**hole.
“Man, this sucks.”
“I wanna say your TA because of the poor pup, but in all honesty, I gotta end up with a NTA.”
“She made her decision to leave and cut off contact.”
“Ex-wife ex-life, not your problems.” ~ woofridgerator
“The ex is definitely the AH, but so is the breeder.”
“What these dogs deserve is not to be brought into this world in the first place.”
“I cannot understand why the breeding of these inbred/genetically defective dogs that can’t breathe, walk, etc., and are guaranteed to suffer just for existing isn’t illegal.”
“It is animal cruelty, full stop.” ~ sparksnbooms95
“I can’t imagine why he would no longer be married to her.”
“Refuses to compromise, insists on a vanity dog for her ego, then harasses him to pay for something she insisted she has and tries to shame him with everyone in his life when he rightly tells her to pound sand.”
“She’s TA through every step of the story.” ~ Rand_Altreides
“Ex is also TA for getting an expensive purebred with likely health issues and not immediately getting pet health insurance before any problem can be ‘preexisting.'”
“Pet insurance and care credit as a combo is a lifesaver.” ~ wickybasket
“Day after my wife and I got our two cats we insured them both.”
“Our prior cat had cancer, and it was expensive (she was worth every penny, though).”
“But with 2, we just had to get them covered. NTA.” ~ Shuruga36
“I agree, NTA.”
“I get that people feel bad for the dog, but OP was against getting this kind of dog and supporting bad breeding practices in the first place.”
“Doesn’t mean the dog should suffer, but ex-wife needs to figure that out on her own.”
“She made it clear it was HER dog and took it with her without a second thought about OP wanting to see the dog or the dog wanting to see OP.”
“It can’t be her dog then suddenly their dog when it becomes expensive.”
“She can start a go fund me or something.” ~ thaliagorgon
“This is the problem when you buy a Frenchie, which is what I’m assuming it is since everybody buys them for how cute they are, but they tend to have incredible health issues.”
‘She’s TA for putting it on you, and her friends are TA for joining in.”
“If they feel so strongly about not letting a dog suffer, I’m not sure why they aren’t chipping in.” ~ dereksalem
“This. The ex is an AH for expecting you to step up.”
“And while everyone else in her life should (in my heartstrings-pulled world) step in if and as they’re able to help out because it’s not the dog’s fault!!!!”
“I absolutely get why YOU have some armor on those heartstrings.”
“I think we call that a healthy boundary. NTA.” ~ HalcyonDreams36
“NTA and it’s not even close.”
“The ex bullied him into getting the dog in the first place.”
“If she wants him to pay, then she can relinquish ownership of the dog to him as well.” ~ Darth_Boggle
“To even begin to think OP is the TA would imply the logic that any pet OPs come across they should be paying vet bills as just feeling bad for the poor pup is the case for a lot of pups.”
“Are we TAs for not taking care of that bill or offering?”
“Remotely not, but for a dog OP didn’t want, wasn’t theirs and was saddled with duty only when it was unpleasant for the ex.”
“I’d even argue that if OP didn’t do care on a daily basis, they didn’t have that pet+parent relationship and/or were denied one from ex.”
“And then left with no contact, yeah OP and TA are worlds apart here.” ~ starfire92
“Why would you even think of that judgment?”
“I understand the animal aspect, but again, he’s not and never has been the owner.”
“He took care of the dog for HER.”
“Now that they’re not together, why on earth would he EVER consider paying for a dog that’s not his, he advised against, and whose owner divorced him?” ~ TheAlexperience
“NTA at all.”
“Not your dog.”
“Not your girlfriend/wife.”
“Not your problem.”
“I’d let her know if she contacts any more friends and/or family, she will file for harassment.”
“Tell her and her shi**y dog to f**k off.” ~ Wheres_my_whiskey_81
“NTA. I would be so pissed if I were you.”
“That’s so crap that some people are taking her side.”
“Some people get so dumb about this stuff.”
“Not your wife anymore, not your dog either.” ~ kokonikoreteureshii
“NTA. Not your dog.”
“It’s as simple as.”
“If you care for the animal, and want to pay, then you can.”
“But you’re under no obligation to.”
“Those friends that are saying you could/should pay can also pay if they wish.” ~ WFHbot
“NTA. I don’t see how anyone who was truly your friend would think this debt is yours.”
“If you absorbed some of her friendships, it’s probably easier to cut bait with false friends than be made to feel guilty about something that isn’t remotely your concern.” ~ Cannabis-aficionado
“NTA. But I get the feeling that your friends are not getting the whole picture.”
“Whilst I realize that some Redditors think pets = children, that’s really not how it works.”
“I think you need to correct the narrative that’s being spun, and anyone who’s still on her side, well… you know what to do.” ~ borisslovechild
“NTA. She bought the dog against your advice and kept it after the divorce, so why on earth does she or your friends think you have any responsibility towards it?”
“If she kept your car after your divorce, would your friends expect you to pay half the maintenance?” ~ Opposite-Guide-9925
“NTA. It really does suck that her dog is sick, but it’s truly not your responsibility.”
“I get pets are like children because mine are, but people carry the fur baby thing too far… you don’t owe her ‘dog support’ payments.” ~ PhilosopherInside956
“NTA, she obviously insisted on a brachycephalic breed, which makes her the issue as she hasn’t been insured for its predictable health issues.”
“Also, if it has health issues now, it was purchased from a breeder who isn’t breeding for health in the breed, which does make you also slightly at fault.”
“As you are divorced, and don’t have shared ownership, then she is responsible for the vet bills.”
“Tell her that’s what credit cards can be used for NTA.” ~ Hot_Success_7986
“NTA. I feel awful for the dog, but your ex-wife can’t have things both ways here.”
“She’s fine going no contact with you when things are good, but when things aren’t so good, and she needs money, suddenly she’s back in touch trying to guilt you about your responsibilitie$?”
“That’s not how it works.”
“She can look into Care Credit to finance the surgeries – my husband and I used this years ago when we had some unexpectedly expensive vet bills.”
“Assuming she has even halfway decent credit, she should be able to lock in a duration of no interest to let her pay back the surgery costs and nothing extra.”
“But in any case, this is not your responsibility.”
“I hope the dog is able to get the care he needs, but this shouldn’t be on you to finance.” ~ hannahsflora
Well, OP, sounds like Reddit is in your corner.
Your responsibilities in this situation ended when the ink on the divorce decree dried.
It’s sad for the poor pup.
Hopefully, his mom will get it together and help him.
Good luck.