A death of a pet is always difficult. An unexpected death can feel worse. An unexpected death that was completely avoidable can cause resentment and anger as well as grief.
A grieving pet owner turned to the "Am I The A**hole" (AITA) subReddit for feedback.
Eng_elp asked:
"AITA? My dog died today and my family still expects me to take them out to dinner tonight."
The original poster (OP) explained:
"My dog passed away this afternoon. It was sudden and awful and I was with her when it happened. I’ve had her for years, she was basically my shadow. I am completely wrecked."
"My family is visiting and staying at my home, and no less than an hour later, they started talking about dinner plans like it was a normal day. When I said I didn’t think I could go, I got hit with 'it’s just a dog” and “we leave tomorrow'.”
"I can’t even think about food, let alone sitting in a restaurant pretending to be okay."
"I tried to explain that I’m not trying to make it a big dramatic thing, I just lost a living being I love and I need a minute. The response was basically that I’m being overly emotional."
"I got in my car and booked a hotel room. I told them they can stay at my place, but I wouldn’t be seeing them today or tomorrow."
"AITA?"
The OP later added:
"My brother’s son dropped an Adderall pill while playing yesterday. We couldn’t find the missing pill afterward. It is likely that my dog ate it today while I was at work, based on the symptoms the doctor described."
"My nephew is 9, and my brother has him handle his own medication to teach him about personal responsibility. The pill likely fell out of his pocket while he was playing outside."
"I wasn’t told until later, and by then it was too dark to find it. I had no luck the following morning, so I went to work, and hours later my brother called saying my baby was acting strangely. By the time I got home, my dog was seizing and died at the vet soon after."
"I’m devastated, especially knowing that instead of rushing her to the vet, they were out at the mall."
"I don’t control my brother‘s parenting skills, but his negligence and dismissiveness hurts the most."
"They haven’t left my home yet, so I have not been able to go home and mourn my baby. I’m afraid to walk into an empty home."
The OP summed up why they might be the a**hole in their situation.
"Leaving my home and staying at a hotel instead of going out for dinnder with family after my dog passing. They’re visiting from out of town and I should technically be entertaining them."
Redditors weighed in by declaring:
- NTA - Not The A**hole
- YTA - You're The A**hole
- NAH - No A**holes Here
- ESH - Everyone Sucks Here
- INFO - more information needed
Redditors decided the OP was not the a**hole (NTA).
"Based on the edit it sounds like your family are trying to downplay your grief because they know if they weren't there, your dog would be alive. NTA."
"Even if they weren't responsible what sort of family downplays someone else's suffering?" ~ lord_buff74
"Oh I'd put money on them not feeling remotely responsible for what happened, and even if OP was able to explain that the dropped medicine killed her dog, they'd dismiss it as 'an accident' not even a tragic one."
"Good for OP taking herself to a hotel until these heartless monsters are gone." ~ LottieOD
"My dog died directly because of my mum's actions, something we'd been fighting about previously because I could see the risk but it was her home and she could do what she wanted. Later she found out I had cancelled plans for my birthday (I knew the friend involved would ask about it and I would cry), she demanded to know why, I said because you killed my dog, she said oh you're still upset about that?! Complete disconnect." ~ LimeLimpet
"OP's brother is absolutely responsible. A 9yo should not be responsible for a controlled substance like Aderall (nothing against the drug itself, I take similar medication)." ~ itsnotlikewereforkin
"And we all know that they won’t kick in even a nickel towards the vet bills, that are a direct result of OP’s brother’s negligence in monitoring his son’s controlled medication." ~ yahumno
"I am SO PROUD OF YOU! This 60 y.o. mom is here to say that was the healthiest choice you could have made for yourself."
"A dog is embedded into every minute of your routine and you will be getting constant reminders of your loss throughout the day. This is a huge loss that will reverberate through your life and you should take all the time you need to grieve." ~ Ok_Ingenuity_9313
"So. They had an accidental hand in your beloved dog's sudden death and this is how they react? Good Lord. NTA." ~ CKM5253
"NTA. Dropped an adderall pill by playing? I beg your finest f*cking pardon‽‽" ~ Careful-Possible-965
"Yeah, medication and play are 2 things that should be kept as far apart as physically possible."
"This should have never happened, and I'd be raining hellfire on whoever thought it was a good idea." ~ ThxRedditSyncVanced
"NTA. They were being deeply insensitive. I'm sorry for your loss. And, HoHolF*ck, they were responsible for it? No. I mean, the verdict stands, but beyond that they're lucky you didn't immediately put them out and that you didn't... erm... do anything to end up on the news. I'm not sure I'd have your restraint." ~ hiddenkobolds
"NTA. It’s completely reasonable that you need some space right now. It’s wildly out of touch for them to expect you to act like nothing happened."
"I’m so sorry for your loss." ~ BeKindRewind98
"NTA, firstly I’m sorry for your loss, people who are not dog people do not understand but that’s no excuse for them to be so callous."
"Secondly, they lost track of an adderall? What the actual f*ck? It’s a controlled substance for a reason. That mistake and the subsequent failure to locate it puts the whole thing onto them, it’s as if they gave it chocolate with an espresso shot as a chaser. That’s equivalent to manslaughter." ~ FloridaMMJInfo
"Agreed. They killed her dog, whether intentionally or not, and are claiming she's being overemotional. Next, they'll have family and friends telling her how horrible she is for putting an animal over family. Frankly, I'd never speak to them again and it would be fine if everyone thought I was terrible for it since they'd likely leave me alone if I'm that bad."
"OP, I am so sorry for your profound loss. The fact that everyone here is appalled at your family's behavior should tell you without question that you are NTA! I don't know how they can come back from this if they won't even acknowledge they're entirely to blame. Mishandling a controlled substance that caused the death of a beloved pet is bad enough; not taking responsibility is disgusting." ~ geckotatgirl
"You lost your fur baby, highly likely due to their negligence. The fact they can’t show you even the slightest bit of grace is beyond belief. NTA." ~ AlarmedKnowledge3783
"I am so terribly terribly sorry. My girl died nine months ago. My husband was her favorite human, but on the night she died she came to get me when the seizures started. I can’t get past that she loved me in the end and needed her mom."
"Your family is…I don’t even know what to say. You did absolutely the right thing. Of course NTA." ~ RandomAmmonite
"NTA. When my dog died on a Thursday, I called my boss and told him I would not be in on Friday. He bought me and my husband dinner out at our favorite restaurant."
"I did work Monday, but canceled all of my meetings. I was afraid that if I had to talk, I would cry. It was a week before I was able to leave the house and enjoy our dinner out with my boss. That was eight years ago."
"We won't even get another dog. It was too hard. So sorry about your dog." ~ According-Drawing-32
"NTA. Your family obviously has never had a deep bond with a pet before. I recently lost the cat that I’ve had since the beginning of my marriage; she was our family. It’s 100% understandable for you to be grieving right now, I’m sorry your family isn’t considering how you feel." ~ JoyfulDelivery
"I'm so sorry for your loss. I also lost a loved dog about a week ago. I feel like the loss of a pet is felt just as profoundly as the loss of a family member because our pets are so integrated into our daily lives."
"We look at their water bowl and miss them. We look at where their bed was and miss them."
It was sh*tty of your family to not be sympathetic, especially since they're responsible for your dog's death. NTA." ~ Areil26
The OP has the right to grieve however they want.
Their family should be offering apologies and empathy. If they can't do that, a little distance seems like the best solution.
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