A pet is an extension of the family, and owners would do anything for them.
However, one Redditor is struggling with their fiancé’s close attachment to his dog, especially after the Redditor was preparing to undergo surgery and expressed concern about their recovery period.
Frustrated after being met with resistance, the OP visited the “Am I the A** Hole?” (AITAH) subReddit to seek judgment from strangers online.
There, Redditor External-Note5754 asked:
“AITAH for asking my fiancé to board our dog while I’m recovering from surgery?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“I need to start off my saying that I LOVE dogs. I’ve always had dogs and to me, dogs are family. They are, and deserve, everything. That being said, I am starting to feel frustrated at my fiancé’s dedication to our dogs needs compared to mine.”
“As a bit of background, my fiancé has a very reactive pit bull. She is so loving and sweet to her people, but she’s a handful. Super high energy, and trying to train her reactivity is nonstop. But I really love her and she’s part of the family.”
“When my fiancé and I decided to move in together, I made the decision to have my dog (a husky) go live with my parents. My dog is extremely timid and that personality with a reactive pit bull would never work, especially sharing a home.”
“It would be way to stressful for both of them. It was a really hard choice, but I knew it was for the best. And my parents adore her. I’m so grateful to them for taking her, and while I miss her terribly (she’s half-way across the country now), it was the best choice for her wellbeing.”
The OP continued:
“But since moving in, I’ve realized how much of a priority my fiancé’s dog is. Again, not an issue, and I love the way he cares for her, but my needs are often pushed aside for her. EVERYTHING revolves are her and how’s she’s feeling.”
“If she’s extra clingy that day, we don’t go anywhere (even if we had plans). It’s only slightly bothered me until recently, when he told me to get a hotel after a surgery that I am having in a few weeks to recover because ‘it would be too much to take care of me and the dog.’ “
The OP described what she was up against.
“I’m having a pretty invasive surgery, and will need to be pretty low key for a few days. I was nervous about this, because the pittie always jumps on me whenever I enter a room plays pretty aggressively.”
“I asked my fiancé if we should board her for the first few days, just to have things a bit calmer. He travels a lot for work and boards her when she does, so she’s very used to boarding. He was immediately shocked that I would ask that, saying that he would never board her unnecessarily.”
“However, he has done so in the past when he has had a big work event or needs to focus on something, even when he’s in town. His reasoning this time is that he will be boarding her a few days before my surgery for a work trip, and then again a week later for another work trip, so he won’t have much time with her.”
“He said that he wants her to be home as much as possible, and instead suggested that I get a hotel room to recover.”
The OP expressed why this suggestion bothered them.
“I know that his dog is his first priority, but the fact that he would prefer that I recover in a hotel is really bothering me. Maybe I’m just being selfish and jealous of the dog, but at some point I would love to be the priority. Or have my needs somewhat considered. AMITA for feeling this way, and for asking that he board the dog? Or am I just being jealous of a dog?”
Anonymous strangers weighed in by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
- NAH – No A**holes Here
Many Redditors thought the OP was not the a**hole (NTA) here.
“NTA. If the dog could impact your healing, it’s reasonable. HOWEVER, I think if the best solution he has is to send you to a hotel, there is a much bigger issue here. ESPECIALLY because it’s clear he boards her for other things. Some people are just suuuuper anti boarding.”
“When you have open incisions, the last thing you should be doing is going to a hotel or some other environment where you didn’t clean it yourself and you can’t easily eat healthy.”
“I think this should just be your eye opener into where your boyfriend’s priorities are at and what he values the most. I’m sorry but he is so far out of touch and out of line. Not really an easy thing to explain to someone who thinks this is rational in the first place.” – Miss_Judge_and_Jury
“Yeah if his sollution is to send OP away and not help her in recovery… this relationship is not healthy. He should be putting her above the dog at least this once. Like this is a big red flag FOR ME.” – amrjs
“NTA. You gave up a whole dog for this man. And he won’t board a dog that he has boarded before for you? You need to take a hard look at this relationship. It may be time to move somewhere else while you think it through.” – Ok_Strawberry_197
“I also have concerns about the healing risk post surgery when staying in a hotel and not in your ‘normal environment’. I stayed in a dodgy hotel last April with my husband, it was last minute and the only thing we could find open.”
“My insulin pump site became dislodged when I was sleeping. ( I have had type 1 diabetes for over 30 years). I ended up with two types of antibiotic resistant bacteria in the site and was treated for cellulitis. The wound required manual lancing and 3 courses of antibiotics plus dressing changes. I am also a registered nurse so I was very aware of what was happening.”
“I would be very concerned that my wellbeing and health was second to the dog. I also have three dogs I absolutely adore and we never board. This is certainly one occasion where I would though. You are NTA but your fiancé is. You should rethink your decision about your future with him perhaps….” – DifferentPen6715
“So let me get this straight. He wants you to recover from major surgery alone in a hotel room so he can spend time with his dog? That’s ludicrous! I’m not one to jump on the break up and run bandwagon that Reddit loves to spew, and I’m a HUGE dog person, but honey you need to think about this.”
“This man is not available, he’s already married to a pit bull. Do you want to be the other woman to a DOG? NTA but you will be if you let yourself be prioritized like this.” – DecemberViolet1984
After combing through the comments, the OP gave the following update with new details.
“Wow I can’t believe this has gotten so many responses! I really didn’t expect this. Honestly, seeing everyone’s comments has made me feel completely validated in how I’m feeling. I’ve really feared being the AH, or petty or jealous, so I haven’t talked about this with anyone yet.”
“To address a few things – his dog is a rescue, and comes from a really abusive background. He’s been really good about behavioral training, but given her background, it’s going to be something we need to work on forever. She’s about 4 now.”
“He had a pittie that died from lymphoma 3 years ago, and I think that’s why he is so attached to his dog now, and wants to give her the best life possible. Which again, I completely understand. The way he cares for his dog, even given her behavioral problems, is one of the reasons I fell in love with him in the first place.”
“And I don’t mind knowing that she’s a main priority for him, BUT I wish there were more circumstances in which I would be a priority. Seeing all of your comments made me realize this was a valid concern.”
“Now that I know I’m not completely out of line, I think I’ll bring it up again. Maybe separating rooms, like some of you have suggested. But, I know that if the dog is there, my needs will come second (which I realize now is an issue that I need to address). I know a lot of you are saying to ‘run’ which I completely understand. Right now, that’s not something I can think of, but it’s making me question a lot.”
“I also want to emphasize that I didn’t ‘get rid’ or ‘dump’ my dog. And it was an extremely hard to decision. But she has always loved staying at my parents house, and I know she has an amazing life right now, which was more important to me than stressing her out at a new house (or splitting my time between his house and my apartment, where she would be left alone. That wasn’t fair for her).”
Overall, Redditors thought the OP convalescing in a hotel room was out of the question, and they thought the fiancé’s obsession with his dog was excessive especially after prioriting the dog’s needs over the OP’s.
Hopefully, they can sort things out or come up with some sort of compromise the OP’s recovery process. Otherwise, there could be deeper issues in the engaged couple’s relationship.