Rehoming a dog is a heartbreaking experience.
Even if it is what is best for the dog, saying goodbye is painful.
It is a decision not taken lightly.
For many, dogs are part of the family.
Redditor pychop10 found herself in a personal dilemma regarding his new wife and his dog, so he turned to the "Am I The A**Hole" (AITAH) subreddit for feedback.
Similar to AITA, the AITAH subReddit allows posters to ask for advice and post about ending relationships—both things that are banned on AITA. However, there are no required voting acronyms—only suggested ones—and no official final judgment declared.
He asked:
"AITAH for not getting rid of my dog?"
The original poster (OP) explained:
"I (30 M[ale]) recently got married to my wife (27 F[emale])."
"I have a dog that is 5 years old and have had him since he was a puppy."
"She also has a dog as well."
"My wife and I did not live together before getting married, although she stayed at my house most of the week before we did."
"She recently told me that she thinks my dogs' dander and hair are affecting her asthma and wants me to get rid of the dog."
"I do believe her, and I am concerned for her health, but my problem is that she did not tell me this way before."
"I have removed my dog from entering our bedroom or sleeping in our bed."
"I am giving him fish oil, brushing him daily, and plan to bathe him at least every other week."
"We have an air purifier in our room that has a HEPA filter for pet dander."
"We vacuumed the whole house, including our bedroom, and washed the sheets to get rid of the hair and dander in the bedroom."
"It has been less than a week, and she hasn’t even given it a chance to start working."
"When she would stay over at my house before we married, my dog would sleep in our bed and right next to her, and she didn’t voice her concern once then, but now she’s completely flipped the script and isn’t giving me any time or patience to combat the issue without getting rid of my dog."
"I think that we should exhaust all options before going to the extreme of getting rid of him, but she is saying that if I don’t, she’ll go back and live with someone else already."
"If she had told me this sooner, then we would’ve been able to see what works and what doesn’t, but now I’m being rushed into this and feel like I’m being threatened."
"I told her to see an allergist too to see if it could also be something else, which she agreed to but hasn’t pursued."
The OP was left to wonder:
"So... AITAH?"
Some Redditors weighed in by using the AITA voting acronyms:
- NTA - Not The A**hole
- YTA - You're The A**hole
- NAH - No A**holes Here
- ESH - Everyone Sucks Here
Redditors decided the OP was NOT the A**hole here.
"Get rid of the wife."
"Keep the dog." ~ Digital-Soundboy
"Couldn't agree more."
"I have allergies to pet dander."
"There is no way I could sleep next to a cat or dog without drowning in histamine reaction, even if I was on my meds first."
"And my allergy is pretty mild."
"However, exposure does help, and living in a house with cats means my reaction to cats generally is less, not more."
"This really does read like a weird power play."
"And honestly, OP, I would be concerned for your dog."
"If it isn't chipped, then get it chipped before your wife is next alone with the animal, otherwise I'd be afraid it might 'run away.'" ~ Irishwol
"As somebody with allergies to cats."
"I love animals, so I got a medicated nasal spray that I take if I'm gonna be around cats."
"It CAN come up randomly later in life cuz I wasn't always allergic to them, but then it's my job to get looked at and find medication."
"Getting rid of the dog is such an extreme thing to jump to." ~ Hair-control
"First, it's the dog she tries to get rid of."
"Then it's your stuff."
"Then it's change everything about you and the home to her liking."
"She thinks it's all about her."
"Don't let her impose her demands like this, and if it were me, I'd say it's either the dog stays, or she leaves."
"Not the AH, but she sure is." ~ spicyandstrange
"Also female."
"She just doesn't like your dog."
"She has a dog, has been around your dog, and now has a problem?"
"No. She just wants to remove your dog because she doesn't like them."
"So... either call her on her bull and tell her your dog stays (risking the chances your dog will 'accidentally run away') or break up."
"I would break up." ~ Konouchii
"I'm not a pet person, but you don't need to be to understand that pets and pet-people are a package."
"On the one hand, you say you believe her."
"On the other hand, you note that she had extensive up-close-and-personal contact with your dog prior to marriage and never once complained, and you see this as her flipping the script."
"So it's pretty clear you don't really believe her - and I don't think you should."
"To me, final confirmation comes in her not even attempting to work with you on this."
"It's dump your dog, or she's out of here."
"This says something pretty ugly about her."
"Don't ignore it."
"Even if you could wrap your head around getting rid of your dog (and I'm absolutely not saying you should), it indicates she's willing to play dirty to get what she wants, and my guess is that this would not be the last time she plays dirty going forward." ~ Boeing367-80
"NTA. She's not interested in solutions."
"For whatever reason, she wants you gone."
"I suspect this dander issue is an invented problem, given that she's literally slept with the dog in the bed before."
"I don't see this marriage thing ending well for you guys."
"Be careful."
"And keep standing up for your dog." ~ Beautiful_Arm8364
"I used to tell my ex all the time, if you try to make me choose between you or my dog, I’m choosing my dog every time."
"She bait and switched on you, and unfortunately, you married her before you knew."
"She can either adjust, or y'all can be married and live separately, but I’m not getting rid of my baby for anyone in this world."
"She will be with me until my dying breath or her dying breath, whichever comes first."
"Your wife could divorce you any moment, your dog will love you for the rest of y’all’s lives." ~ Phyllis_marie
OP came back to chat...
"For more context, because people are asking. .."
"The someone else is her parents' house."
"She didn’t express her issue about him to me before at all."
"The dogs get along generally well."
"My dog is food aggressive, so we feed them in their crates, and it has worked great."
"My dog is a lab husky mix, hers is an Australian Shepard."
"Even though I said in the post that I would exhaust all options before getting rid of my dog."
"I WILL NOT get rid of him."
"We can figure something out, especially when I have changed his whole routine for her to feel better."
"She would even take him when I was gone for work and let him sleep in her bed."
"I basically had to demand that she go to the doctor, but she will not let me go to ask questions."
"So I then told her I needed to see the paperwork then. "
"She didn’t like that."
"Separate rooms is an idea I am not fond of."
"I don’t want that too early in our marriage."
"We did sleep in there one night, and she said it was a lot better, but I used that mattress for 3 years with my dog before I got this new one that I have had for about 6 months."
"And they're the same mattress, just the new one is a bigger size."
"UPDATE 1..."
"She retracts her statement now about getting rid of the dog, but still won’t seek medication and is also saying I’m not doing anything to help when I clearly have, as stated before, with all the changes in the original post."
"I also brought up her never mentioning getting rid of her dog, too, and she said, ' Well, I didn’t, but when you said it, it made me realize that was a good idea (very suspicious and interesting to me)."
"I’ll continue to update as it goes further."
"UPDATE 2..."
"She needed to use her emergency inhaler last night."
"Whether that’s because she was relaxing, finally, her stressing herself out, or whatever else is causing her asthma flare-up to happen."
"I even asked if she wanted to go to the emergency room before she took the inhaler, but she declined and refused to go."
"I told her she needs to go see a doctor, and I will be going with her because if it’s as bad as you say it is, we need answers."
"She has agreed but keeps saying they’re not going to believe me (why wouldn’t they believe you) if it’s as serious as you say."
"And I will be there to help ask questions and not let them walk over you if they do say you’re overreacting."
"Again tho, if it’s as serious as she says it is, then I know that them denying it won’t be the case."
"I told her that I would never get rid of my dog because..."
"1- We don’t even know if it’s the dogs (did finally make her realize it could be literally anything else)..."
"2- We will find a solution if it is."
"She has now tried to spin it on me that now she sees I would choose the dog over her, but you should never put me in that position in the first place."
"I would never tell you to get rid of your dog if I were allergic to it or suspected I was."
"I would do everything to make sure you can keep it."
This is quite a situation, OP.
First, it looks like Reddit is firmly with you.
How was this issue not recognized by her sooner?
Something seems very off.
Keep digging with your investigations into everything.
Keep updating, and good luck.
