Full disclosure: I’m not a dog person—I’m very much a cat person.
I don’t dislike or fear dogs, but they require way more attention than I have to give. I find dogs intrusive and needy 24/7.
I enjoy other people’s dogs like I enjoy other people’s children. I can walk away whenever I want because they’re someone else’s problem.
Dogs are:
“Oh my God, hi, hi, hi, hello, how are you?? Hi, hi, HI, HELLO, HI!!””
Cats are:
“‘Sup… Left you something in my litter box.”
When people talk about getting or owning a cat, they mostly talk about color or markings. With dogs, the breed makes a huge difference in size, temperament, activity levels, needs, etc…
A man who understood this ran into issues with his wife who didn’t seem to grasp the concept. So he turned to the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit for feedback.
Expert_Royal913Â asked:
“AITA for refusing to take any responsibility for my dog until my wife was forced to rehome him?”
The original poster (OP) explained:
“I work from home. As does my wife. She wanted a dog. I said we did not have enough time to take care of a dog.”
“She pestered me until I agreed. We took our time and found a rescue that had several pups that met our criteria.”
“Small. Adult. Requiring just a couple of short walks a day.”
“They did home visits and stuff, bu it was taking awhile. During that time, my wife found a farm that had working Blue Heeler X Border Collie pups.”
A quick note for those unfamiliar with these dogs. The Border Collie/Blue Heeler is a crossbreed that inherits intelligence, high herding instincts, and a need to work from both parent breeds.
This hybrid is a versatile working companion that excels in activities like herding, agility, obedience, and search and rescue.
While their intelligence and high energy levels make them exceptional working dogs, as pets they require dedicated owners who can provide them with high levels of mental and physical stimulation. Without proper outlets for their energy, they become bored, loud and destructive.
This is not an apartment dwelling, all day couch snoozing, laid back dog.
The OP continued:
“She got me one as a surprise for my birthday. I had one just like her when I lived at home with my parents.”
“She is a beautiful puppy, but not in any way what we agreed on.”
“We live in an apartment with no yard. My parents have acreage.”
“I am very busy. I do not have time for all the training and exercise that she needs.”
“I told my wife ‘thanks, but no thanks’. She refused to listen to me.”
“So I just refused to bond with the pup. I didn’t even name her.”
“I told my wife I would make sure that the pup was fed and got two half hour walks a day since that’s what we agreed on. Everything else was on her.”
“It took two weeks of barking, chewing, and pooping until she rehomed the pup. The puppy —now named Helen—is at home with my parents.”
“They are training her and since my dad is retired, he likes having a buddy around. The puppy is happy out there.”
“My wife is pissed that she paid for my parents to get a dog.”
“She is also mad that I ‘manipulated her’ into doing what I said we should do to begin with—not get a high energy, untrained puppy we don’t have the room or time for.”
“She said she thought I would love a puppy that was like my old one. IF WE HAD THE SPACE AND TIME FOR HER, I WOULD HAVE.”
“I am pissed that I had to even do it—I feel bad for the dog.”
“I’m thinking of not even doing the rescue now that I know more about how my wife thinks.”
The OP summed up their situation.
“My wife got me a puppy that requires more time and energy than we have. The puppy was also in no way what we agreed we would get for our first dog.”
“I might be the a**hole because I did the bare minimum until my wife understood her mistake.”
Redditors weighed in by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Redditors decided the OP was not the a**hole (NTA).
“NTA and what the hell was your wife thinking? She obviously has no idea what responsible dog ownership actually is, and I’m assuming she figured that you would ‘fall in love’ with this puppy due to nostalgia and willingly take on all the work.”
“I see people offering advice on what you could’ve or should’ve done, but the post makes it seem like there was no reasoning with your wife. She proactively and unilaterally decided to do a dumb, sh*tty thing to that puppy and deserves 100% of the blame here.” ~ No_Introduction1721
“She was thinking that she could manipulate OP by forcing a dog into his life, and that once the dog was in the home OP just ‘couldn’t say no to that face’.”
“And now that OP wouldn’t accept the manipulation from her, she’s upset. The moment I read that it was a part border collie pup, I knew it was going to be an issue.” ~ numbersthen0987431
“Borders are so high maintenance. I love them, I think they are beautiful dogs, but I could never own one because I simply could not devote the time and attention they need.”
“Lazy a** retired greyhounds are more my level of dog responsibility.” ~ Melodic_Arm_387
“She claims YOU manipulated HER‽‽”
“Pets are ‘two yes, one no’ decisions. She badgered you into giving a yes and then broke your agreement because real life moved slower than her whims.”
“THEN she got upset you stuck to what you agreed to instead of yielding to her attempt at emotional manipulation.”
“How old are you and your wife? Because she sounds immature. NTA.”
“Don’t get any dog until she has proven she can and will respect your boundaries and your mutually agreed upon traits.”
“Maybe consider marriage counseling, because there’s no way this isn’t going to put a serious strain on your relationship.” ~ paper0wl
“I’m trying to be nice, OP, as she is your wife and I know you love her, but she acted like she was 5 years old and NOT an adult.’
“Anyone with an ounce of common sense would see that this was going to be a train wreck, except for your wife.”
“Yes, it’s sad for the dog, but you’re still married to a partner who thinks like this—or rather a partner who does NOT think.”
“And to top it off, she was/is mad at you about this when it was entirely HER doing.” ~ No_Roof_1910
“I’m always flabbergasted when people impulse buy a dog.”
“It’s obviously not the same, but there are similarities to just impulse having a child, except it’s not some big emotional process, it’s just buying the dog one day and that’s it.”
“It’s not only a big commitment in terms of daily care and money, you have to stay with the dog 24/7. It affects your ability to go out with friends, your ability to run errands after work, and your ability to travel and visit new places.”
“Like, that mf needs a lot of care, and it’s unreal to me that people don’t fully consider everything that goes into a decision like that.” ~ kooqiy
“NTA. You agreed on a certain type of dog. Your wife then got what she wanted instead in the guise of a birthday present for you.”
“Then found out she also got what she didn’t want—the job of taking care of it.
“If you get another one while your wife is upset, you can guarantee that you are the only one taking care of it as payback.”
“Put the idea of a dog on hold until you have a more suitable living space for it.” ~ wlfwrtr
“NTA, and I think you should reconsider adopting a rescue dog as well until your wife understands that what she did was not only wrong, but that keeping the dog in your home would have been cruel.”
“As long as she believes she was somehow in the right to a) make a unilateral decision on a dog—pet adoptions should be agreed on by all adults in the home and b) adopt a dog utterly unsuited to the kind of life you can provide it, she’s not someone I would ever trust to be responsible for an animal.”
“Until she understands that the job of a pet owner is to act in the best interest of the animal—and if you don’t know what that is you do the damn research, she should not be responsible for any pets at all.” ~ FeuerroteZora
All puppies are cute…
But unlike housecats that come in a very limited number of sizes, some of those adorable puppies will become massive behemoths.
Mastiffs and similar breeds—which can weigh up to 230 pounds—aren’t built for NYC studio apartment living.
Unless their name is on the lease and they’re the only occupant.
Dogs aren’t impulse buys or something you get because it’s cute. Dogs require research on the breed and a commitment to adapt your life to their needs.
My cats have only ever required my servitude and opposable thumbs.