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Housekeeper Quits After Employer Refuses To Stop Asking Her To Teach Their Kids Vietnamese

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The relationship between people and those they hire to help them around their home can be a delicate balance.

And for one person on Reddit, it seems their extra requests of their housekeeper went way over a line.

The Original Poster (OP), who goes by Still_Prompt418 on the site, wasn’t sure about how they’d handled things. So they went to the AITA (Am I The A**hole) subReddit for input.

They asked:

“AITA for asking my housekeeper to teach my children?”

They explained:

“My housekeeper is from Vietnam. I have no complaints about her as she’s wonderful. She is or rather was a teacher in her country but in my mine, she has to take classes again and go through certification all over again.”

“She’s only working as a housekeeper while she studies. My husband and I have two children – 8 male and 13 male. I thought it would be very educational for them to learn Vietnamese, a hobby. It would put them ahead of their peers who are learning pretty much just French and Spanish.”

“So I asked my maid if she would be willing to teach my children her language, culture, and etc in exchange for extra cash. She gets to practice her teaching skilling and my children get the benefits of a second language.”

“She told me no, that she doesn’t want to do that and she’s only here to clean. I tried to persuade her but she kept telling me no. I explained it would be no different than someone teaching her kids English. She still refused.”

“The next morning I got a call from the agency saying she didn’t want to return and they would be sending a new housekeeper in a couple days. I told my husband what happened. He says I should have dropped it once she said no.”

“Yes we could let the kids watch Youtube and videos to learn but I rather they have a person to teach them not a computer. My husband is angry cause he really liked her and is trying to get her back.”

Redditors were then asked to judge who was in the wrong in this situation based on the following categories:

  • NTA – Not The A**hole
  • YTA – You’re The A**hole
  • ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
  • NAH – No A**holes Here

And they were pretty much unanimously in their feeling that OP was way out of line here.

“YTA.”

“You were told ‘no’. At which point, your job was to shut up and accept her answer for what it was.”

“Honestly I do not think it was appropriate for you to even ask in the first place; but since you had convinced yourself you were going to ask, the first response should have prompted immediate apologies for you making her uncomfortable and then never bringing it up ever again. Pushing was completely over the line.” –StripedBadger

“…’No’ is a full sentence.” –Sad-Raise-754

“‘So I asked my maid’ lmfao yikes YTA. For more than one reason.” –Expensive_Ad_4131

“I don’t think it’s that bad to ask if she’s giving teaching lessons too or is willing to give some for appropriate pay (OP’s reasoning is sh*t though…), but as soon as OP got the ‘NO’ she should have accepted that.” –samtweiss

“…in lots of industries you can get in trouble for accepting cash under the table for doing anything beyond your contracted duties. The housekeeper could be putting her job in jeopardy if she said yes, plus she likely has no free time to take on extra work between housekeeping AND studying for her teaching license.”

“Yet OP, a self-centered AH, still couldn’t let it go and badgered this poor woman out of her job.” –TheSpiral11

“I kinda feel like OP wasn’t wrong to ask, but needed to accept that the answer was no. I don’t blame the housekeeper for saying no at all; teaching can be difficult and that’s not her job. OP should have understood that and not pushed.” –Lanky-Temperature412

“Learn to understand what ‘no’ means in English before you teach it to your kids in Vietnamese” –higaroth

“YTA. If she wanted to be working as a personal tutor, she would be advertising herself that way. You were unbelievably patronising to her, I’m assuming because she is a domestic worker, and you felt like she should be grateful for any opportunity you gave her to earn money, but that’s not how that works.”

“You don’t get to bully people into doing your bidding. No means no.”

You asked her a question once, and you should have respected her answer. Instead, you persisted in aggressively insisting that she do something that was not part of her job, and specifically told you that she had no interest in doing, literally until you made her uncomfortable to even be around you.”

“You were the epitome of a classist, racist, entitled bully. I can only imagine how badly she must have wanted to get out of there.”

“She does not exist as a Vietnamese person to be an educational opportunity for your white children. YTA, and unbelievably inappropriate.” –FoolMe1nceShameOnU

“OP YTA for so many reasons. Your silence now is telling.”

“On top of that, was she a language teacher to children in her first country? Do you even know what she taught?”

“I hope the agency blackballs your family from working with them after your harassing and insulting this woman.” –LillyPhilia

“…When I first came to Poland (from USA) every person I met wanted me to teach their kids English. But I wasnt an English teacher. I had no experience, no materials, no teacher tricks and no idea how to even do that.”

“I tried a few times and it went about as well as you could imagine. In the last 20 years of living here I have turned into a teacher, but it was a long road. But something that I learned is that I am not cut out to teach kids, adults are my jam”

“Just expecting someone who has other skills to suddenly start to have new skills is idiotic. It doesn’t work that way. OP is an a**, not for asking but for rejecting the response.” –dannyhrynio

After reading their comments, OP had some choice words for her fellow Redditors.

“I like how everyone here just ASSUMED I’m white. Shows how racist you are Reddit lol. My husband and I are both POC. Believe it or not, some of us work hard and have the privilege of a housekeeper.”

“There is nothing wrong with me wanting my children to have another opportunity to stand out from their peers in school. As for the money since some of you are saying ‘Oh she must have offered 20 dollars.’ I offered her $500.”

Hopefully OP can learn from this experience.

Written by John Sundholm

John Sundholm is a writer, content producer and performer originally from Michigan. His writing has also appeared on YourTango, Delish and Medium, and he has produced content for NBC, The New York Times and The CW, among others. When not working, he can be found tripping over his own feet on a hiking trail while singing Madonna songs to ward off lurking bears.