According to research reported by the National Network for Youth, young people who identify as LGBTQ+ have a 120% higher risk of experiencing some form of homelessness.
While LGBTQ+ youth are 40% of the 4.2 million unhoused young people, they are only 9.5% of the U.S. population. They are also more likely to experience assault, trauma, depression, and suicide while homeless.
The numbers are even worse for BIPOC LGBTQ+ youth who often suffer from racial inequities and discrimination from law enforcement and in programs designed to aid the unhoused.
Family rejection is the primary cause of LGBTQ+ youth homelessness. Lack of acceptance by family members of a youth’s sexual orientation or gender identity pushes many onto the streets to try to survive on their own.
A husband and father whose parents’ kicked him out at age 15 for being bisexual turned to the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit for feedback.
Potential-Cheek-4551 asked:
“AITA for yelling at my Aunt after she let my parents see my kids?”
The original poster (OP) explained:
“I (26, male) am bisexual and when I was 15, I was dating one of my soccer teammates who was an abusive POS who outed me to my homophobic parents after I worked up the nerve to leave him.”
“They subsequently kicked me out and I ‘survived’ in the streets for almost 2 years until my Aunt found out about me when she came home from tour and took me in. She helped me get back in school and graduate and then to get into college.”
“I met my wife there and we have twin boys (4, male).”
“My dad found out he was dying of cancer. He and my mom having been trying to get back in touch with me to reconcile and meet their grandkids.”
“I’ve rejected them so far, even though my Aunt urges me to try to reconnect. I told her no and I didn’t even want them near my boys.”
“Me and my wife went out for our anniversary Saturday and my Aunt was watching the kids. My wife wasn’t feeling well and we decided to call it an early night.”
“I forgot to call my Aunt before we got there. I pull up and I notice my parents’ car. Confused, we get out and go in and there’s my parents playing with my son’s in the living room.”
“To say I was furious is an understatement.”
“I immediately asked what the hell is going on. My wife tried to calm me down to no avail.
“She takes the boys to the car. My parents start talking about how they just wanted to meet them and I yell at them to get out.”
“My Aunt says I’m not being fair to them. That they’ve tried to apologize for what happened.”
“I yell at her that it wasn’t her place to let them and how it hurt seeing them. I yell at her about how our family basically excommunicated her too when she came out.”
“She starts crying, explaining that they just showed up at her house. She starts saying she wished she made up with her brother (my dad) and my grandparents years ago if she had the chance and I’m being selfish knowing my dad is dying.”
“I didn’t know what to say after that and just left.”
“My wife says I was being unfair to my Aunt if they did just show up and that maybe my Aunt’s right. She also thinks I shouldn’t have yelled at her like that after all she did for me.”
“AITA here?”
The OP summed up why they think they might be the a**hole.
“Getting so mad at my Aunt and yelling at her. Being rude to my Aunt after what she did for me.”
“Being selfish to my parents and my kids. Not letting my parents see them.”
Redditors weighed in by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Redditors decided the OP was not the a**hole (NTA).
“NTA. No way they just happened to show up on the very night your aunt is watching them for you and even if they did she should have said they couldn’t come in without clearing it with you first.” ~ SleepyTomCats
“Yep, Aunt can’t be trusted on this. NTA. She’s using your kids to work through her issues. I’m afraid you’ll need to find a new babysitter.”
“Nobody who tosses their child out and leaves them to survive on the street is owed anything by that child ever, under any circumstances. People who didn’t live your life can ‘but faaaaaamily’ all day long; they don’t get a say.” ~ EsmeWeatherwax7a
“NTA. Your Aunt is lying. She knew. That said, she is probably understandably struggling with the thought of her brother dying.”
“So, if I were you, I’d allow limited communication with her, but no alone time with the kids and she is not allowed to harass you about your parents.”
“As to them ‘trying to apologize’, who cares? Does their apology travel back in time and undo what they did? Only small children think saying ‘sorry’ is a magic word that erases every wrong done.” ~ CivilAsAnOrang
“It’s one thing to be cut off from family when you’re an adult. It’s completely different being kicked out at 15 and being cut off by your parents.”
“If the aunt wants to forgive them, that’s up to her, but she doesn’t get a say in who has access to OP’s kids. NTA, OP.”
“But it sucks when the one family member you trust now also can’t be trusted.” ~ justme7256
“Your aunt should not have let your parents in to meet your children even if they showed up unannounced. Just because someone is knocking, doesn’t mean they get entry.”
“She could have told them that, yes, she is watching your children, but it is not for her to be making unilateral decisions.”
“And just because she wishes she had made up with someone is no reason for her to foist that upon you. That decision is yours and yours alone.”
“NTA, And I am sorry this happened to you, it had to be very unsettling.” ~ Chilling_Storm
“I think the whole ‘they just showed up’ thing is bullsh*t. They just happened to invite themselves over on the one night both OP and his wife are supposed to be out all night?”
“And it also just haaaaappened to be the night that Aunt C’Mon-Give-‘Em-A-Chance Pushover-Pants is babysitting??? Fishy, that’s all I’m sayin’.” ~ penandpage93
“I agree, this feels like it was planned so OP would not know about it, it does make you wonder if this has happened before or if this was the first time. NTA, OP.” ~ grmthmpsn43
“NTA. A huge breach of trust by the aunt. She could have run a campaign on forgiveness, but this oversteps.”
“And do we really believe OP’s parents just coincidentally showed up? How many other times while aunt was watching the kids did she allow OP’s parents to visit? Her word is worthless.” ~ mnth241
“NTA. So let me get this straight. Your parents just happened to show up at your aunt’s house on the ONE night she was babysitting your children?”
“Yeah. Not buying. I’d be furious.” ~ sugarlump858
“NTA. If you had kids with a husband instead of a wife, they’d want nothing to do with them. In their minds you marrying a woman means you’re ‘cured’.”
“Your aunt decided to ignore your express instructions and use your kids as her therapy tools. I’d go no contact for a long while.”
“Only consider resuming contact once she gives a sincere apology and demonstrates she understands her wrongdoing. I don’t think she’ll do this quickly—if ever—which is why I say a long time.”
“Tell her you hope she got what she needed out of it and that it was worth destroying your relationship over.” ~ ApprehensiveBook4214
“NTA. Your aunt can do whatever she wants regarding the people she chooses to forgive and reconnect with—but she should respect the boundaries you have set for yourself and ESPECIALLY your kids.” ~ aj_alva
“I don’t think a verbal apology will ever be enough. You were kicked out and lived on the street for two full years because of your parents’ bigotry. NTA, OP.” ~ ElmLane62
“NTA—your parents want to make up because they want access to your children and because you happened to marry a woman. Let’s be clear, if you married a man and had no children, they probably would be fine thinking you were still dead to them.”
“Your aunt overstepped like crazy. Even if they just showed up, she knew your stance and should’ve told them to leave.” ~ WaryScientist
“How the f*ck did they know your kids would be there? What does she mean they ‘just showed up’? Too dang convenient.”
“I’m sorry, OP. I would be filled with righteous rage too. NTA. Go no contact with the lot of them.”
“That was inexcusable of your Aunt. She can make up with them on her own damn time and without involving your children.” ~ goldenfingernails
“NTA. You had EVERY right to be angry at your aunt—what she did was absolutely unacceptable. Her trauma is no excuse for disregarding your wishes.”
“And I don’t buy for a second that they just HAPPENED to show up the one time you and your wife were out. You don’t have to cut her off.”
“She’s family and clearly she’s been through hell and this was clearly a trauma reaction, but you are NOT the a**hole. Tell her she needs to get help so that her trauma doesn’t bleed out onto you and your family ever again.”
“Maybe you shouldn’t have yelled, not because it wasn’t an appropriate response, but just because it’s not effective communication and your kids were there. Still NTA, though.” ~ kharmatika
If reconnecting with the parents that threw him away serves his peace of mind, then it’s worthwhile.
But if it’s just trauma stacked on top of previous trauma, it’s better for the OP to protect himself and his family and say no.