While some people go to great lengths to avoid being the center of attention, some people have trouble functioning when they aren’t the star of the show.
In some cases, people constantly draw attention to themselves, not entirely aware of what they are doing… or frankly, how they look doing so.
Others, however, are fully cognizant of the fact that they are bringing attention to themselves.
Even when it isn’t their place to do so, which they are also well aware of.
The sister of Redditor Expensive-Crow928 was one of those people who always had a way of making an event about herself.
The original poster (OP) had gotten so tired of her sister’s behavior that she eventually came to the decision to exclude her from a major event.
A decision that, unsurprisingly, did not sit well with her sister or her family.
Wondering if she was making a mistake, the OP took to the subReddit “Am I The A**hole” (AITA), where she asked fellow Redditors:
“AITA for not inviting my sister to my wedding because she always makes everything about herself?”
The OP explained why her sister was not welcome at her wedding:
“So I (29 F[emale]) am getting married next fall.”
“I’m super excited! And planning has been stressful, but fun.”
“I LOVE hosting and party planning, so having a huge, well planned wedding means a lot to me.”
“The issue is my sister (31 F[emale]).”
“For as long as I can remember, she’s had a really awful habit of hijacking big events.”
“For example, at my college graduation, she announced her engagement during the dinner.”
“She dated the guy for two months and they broke up a week after my graduation.”
“At my fiancé’s birthday last year, she revealed she was pregnant.”
“She later miscarried, which was awful, but the timing of the announcement was still really inappropriate.”
“The final straw was at my parents’ anniversary party, when she got really, really drunk and started laughing at my parents speech when the speech was clearly not at a laughing part.”
“Her apology was half assed at best and definitely in that ‘popular girl’ ,’opps sorry’ way, if that makes sense.”
“This is part of the problem; a lot of what she does is hard to explain.”
“It’s all in the mannerisms and tone, but I know what she’s doing.”
“I feel it in my soul.”
“I love her, but it’s become a pattern.”
“Every milestone turns into her stage.”
“When it came to my wedding, I just couldn’t handle the idea of something I’ve waited for my whole life for being overshadowed.”
“Especially since hosting and party planning mean so much to me.”
“My fiancé agrees.”
“After a lot of guilt and back-and-forth, I decided not to invite her.”
“I told her privately, and she lost it.”
“She called me selfish, said I was tearing the family apart, and that she’d ‘never forgive me’.”
“Here’s the thing: I know she won’t.”
“But I don’t know if I care.”
“My parents are furious at me and say I’m being ‘vindictive’ and ‘childish’ but again, I don’t know if I care.”
“I feel awful, but I also feel relieved?”
“Like this is the only way to protect the day.”
“A part of me knows I am being an a**hole, but am I being too big of an a**hole?
“Please give your opinions!”
“I need to know if I’m being ridiculous.”
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation, by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
The Reddit community stood firmly behind the OP and agreed that she was not the a**hole for excluding her sister from her wedding.
Everyone agreed that the OP was probably right that her sister would definitely try to make her wedding about herself in some capacity, with many wondering why her parents haven’t done more to put an end to this behavior:
“NTA.”
“Seconding the security and adding a reminder to reach out to your vendors, venue, dress shop, etc., to set up passwords.”
“Your sister or parents may try to cancel or make changes to screw things up.”
“Good luck!”- Winterwynd
“NTA.”
“But I would point out to my parents that this is a direct result of their failure to shut her down when she does these attention grabs.”
“So if they want to be upset, they should focus their anger inwards.”
“If she always does this and always gets away with it, then it isn’t just her behavior that is the problem.”
“My guess is you blindsided her with this.”
“I am not saying that is your problem/fault – just what I expect her reaction was.”
“And you may be right, she may never forgive you.”
“That may be fine with you.”
“She sounds exhausting.”
“On the chance you aren’t fine with that, I am curious, have your parents sat her down, told her that her behavior was unacceptable and would not be tolerated going forward?”
“Have they followed through on this?”
“Has she ever suffered any consequences when she behaves like this?”
“At her age she should understand how inappropriately she behaves.”
“But if bad behavior is always tolerated, people seem to assume it is OK to act like that.”
“If you just say ‘you aren’t invited because you always behave badly’ and this is the first time she is hearing how her behavior is a problem, then you can’t expect her to learn from this.”
“And I don’t think it is your job to address it.”
“But you may want to talk to your parents about their role in this.”
“There may be a way to resolve it without banning her entirely.”- introspectiveliar
“NTA.”
“You know her better than most.”
“She’s proven repeatedly that she must be the centre of attention.”
“I have one of those, too.”
“We are LC now.”
“I put up with it for too long.”- NotAtAllExciting
“NTA.”
“You know your sister’s pattern of behaviour and you’ve made your mind up.”
“Your wedding is you and your soon-to-be-husband’s day, and you are free to invite whoever you want.”
“However, you WILL need security at your wedding as I have seen incidents where people who have purposefully been told they’re not invited to a wedding show up and try to gate crash.”
“Given what you say about your sister, I wouldn’t put it past her.”
“You’ll need people at the entrance to your venue(s) who will be able to turn her away.”
“Also, if your parents are furious, be prepared for them to threaten not to come until you allow your sister to attend.”
“Of course, I don’t know if your parents would go that far, but it’s worth thinking about.”
“It may be an empty threat, it may not be.”
“Depending on your relationship with them and how much you don’t want your sister to be there, you might have to tell them something like ‘It’s evident that my sister means more to you than me and my happiness on my wedding day’.”
“If you cannot respect my decision and are adamant that you will not attend without your sister being present, then I’m very sorry that you aren’t coming.”
“You will be missed’.”
“The best of luck to you, and I hope your wedding day goes smoothly!”- RoseOfTheWest93
“NTA!”
“She has a documented history of making every ‘big event’ about her, regardless of the reason for said event’.”
“‘Your parents can be mad all they want’.”
“‘It’s not THEIR wedding’.”
“‘If they want to call you names, just remind them of all those times Sis decided to make everything about herself at the last three gatherings’.”
“‘Then keep your boundary in place!'”- InternetMama
“NTA.”
“You told her why.”- BigLilLinds
“When my cousin’s wife was pregnant, she came to my grandparents’ 60th wedding anniversary wearing a cute baggy jumpsuit and tried to hide that she wasn’t drinking since everyone knew she rarely passed up an opportunity to have a beer and shoot the sh*t with the cousins.”
“They lived in Hawaii while the whole family lived all over the US, so to us it just looked like she gained a little weight since the last time we saw her.”
“Idk…she put a good bit of effort into hiding her pregnancy so that my grandparents could have their moment despite the whole family being there from all over the place knowing she wouldn’t be able to tell everyone in person and would instead have to go around FaceTiming everyone.”
“Your sister sucks, dude.”
“NTA.”- CollarWinter7614
It is somewhat surprising that the OP’s parents are calling her “vindictive” and “childish”, without seeming to acknowledge her sister’s poor behavior.
It’s also somewhat telling that the OP’s sister also resorted to scolding the OP, rather than promising that she won’t steal her thunder on her special day.
With this in mind, it’s hard to argue that the OP didn’t make the right decision in excluding her sister, as it seems almost a guarantee that the OP would have found at least one opportunity to steal the spotlight from her.