Planning big, extravagant vacations can be stressful.
The to-do list can be endless.
And depending on the size of the travel group it can take years to get right.
That’s why details matter and why guarantees of arrival matter.
Any small changes or dropouts can upend the entire trip.
And the outcome can be costly.
Redditor Inanarcticparadise wanted to discuss their experience and get some feedback. So naturally, they came to visit the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit.
They asked:
“AITA for not inviting my nephew on vacation?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“For the last 20ish years, I’ve planned family trips.”
“I love to travel and this is a way to include my siblings and their children (10 people) in my passion and a fun way to spend time together.”
“I cover the cost of the tour and transport to the destination and they cover the tips/incidentals.”
“So far, we’ve gone to Turkey, South Africa, Vietnam, Croatia, Panama, Mongolia, and Iceland.”
“It’s typically about $4000-6000/person and requires months/years of planning and budgeting.”
“I poll the family on their availability about 18-24 months before the planned trip.”
“My nephew (late 20s) has RSVPed yes for the last 4 trips, only to back out at the very last minute (the week prior) such that I can’t recoup the cost of his fare and the reasons he doesn’t make it are never acceptable for a travel insurance claim.”
“He has had a work emergency (he’s an accountant), a friend’s wedding, concert tickets, high school 10-year reunion.”
“I’m planning a Galapagos cruise for October 2026 and decided not to extend the invite to my nephew because he’s unreliable.”
“Now most members of my family are outraged and, though not actually boycotting the trip, incessantly vocal on their displeasure at my ‘targeting’ my nephew.”
“I’ve tried to compromise by requesting that he give me a deposit with the plan that I return it if he actually comes but this only seemed to make people angrier.”
“I mentioned canceling the entire thing and now only my younger sister is speaking to me.”
“She tells me that the family is in uproar about my ‘selfishness’ and discussing ‘writing me off permanently’ if I actually cancel the trip.”
“I’m in tears and just don’t know what to do.”
“I love my family.”
The OP was left to wonder:
“Was it an a**hole move to exclude my nephew?”
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed some options to the question AITA:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Many Redditors declared OP WAS the A**hole.
“So in the last four years, your nephew has wasted somewhere between $16k and $24k of your money and no one in your family thinks there’s anything wrong with that?”
“They clearly think you have endless amounts of money and feel entitled to it.”
“I would absolutely refrain from planning further vacations for them since they are treating you so badly.”
“His parents should be mortified that he has repeatedly done this and offered to cover any nonrefundable costs since he has not had the grace to do so himself.”
“You are definitely NTA.”
“How does your family treat you when you are on these vacations?”
“How do they treat you over the course of your day-to-day life?”
“Their current behavior does not trend with people who are appreciative and gracious.”
“It would align more with people who are selfish and entitled.”
“The issue for your nephew is that he has no skin in this game.”
“He did not find out about these conflicts the week before, he just didn’t tell you about them.”
“Sounds like when it came down to it, he just didn’t really want to go on these trips.”
“Does he not realize you incurred non-refundable costs?”
“Did he accept the invitations or did his parents accept on his behalf without consulting him?”
“If they accepted on his behalf, maybe they are reacting poorly now out of guilt because this is actually their fault, not their son’s.”
“Assuming you still want to go on trips with these people, I would talk to him directly and explain all the costs incurred on his behalf over the past several years.”
“Tell him that you will include him this year if he pays last year’s non-refunded costs.”
“Tell him the date he has to let you know by if he intends to back out.”
“After that point, he won’t be invited again unless he pays those nonrefundable costs.”
“And by the way.”
“This is all very disrespectful and not how you should treat someone who is giving you a free vacation.” ~ Human-Obligation3621
“NTA. Your family’s collective entitlement is very concerning.”
“This is the definition of being taken for granted.”
“Or worse, this massive gift of financial output and emotional labor (coordinating big groups isn’t easy) has slid from something they’re given to something they’re owed.”
“So, when your nephew backs out at the last minute, he gets grace.”
“But when you set boundaries with plenty of notice, you get shamed?”
“Something deeper isn’t right with this entire dynamic.” ~ Hola-Fabi
“Exactly! I haven’t been able to afford a vacation in 13 years.”
“If I were given one for free like OP’s family, I’d be so grateful I’d bend over backward to accommodate any of their choices or stipulations.”
“The utter lack of appreciation is astounding.”
“They’ll make any excuses for the nephew, but completely disregard everything OP has done to give them these life experiences that most people will never be fortunate enough to have.” ~ Actual-Tap-134
“If someone did this for me every year I’d probably be their devoted slave for the entire year.”
“Make sure they stay stocked with baked goods, make them a jumper or something at least once a year, give them lifts when needed, do their odd jobs for them, make them an elaborate dinner at least once a month.”
“And if someone did what the nephew did, I would tell them not to invite him next year the first time and then take the decision on myself so people could be mad at me instead of him.”
“What a bunch of ungrateful a**hats.” ~ PoisonPlushi
“Two years ago my sister, her husband, and her son took a family trip to the UK.”
“They invited me to come with them and very graciously paid my share of the plane tickets and accommodations.”
“I only had to pay for my own incidentals + hostel space and my plane ticket home (I stayed an extra week to work on research).”
“I make very little money, and their generosity meant so much to me.”
“If I could return the favor I’d do it in a heartbeat.”
“OP’s family has become entitled jerks. NTA.” ~ keyofmgy
“As a recovering people pleaser, I wonder if OP is what it looks like when you just want everyone to be happy and you can actually put your money where your heart is.”
“Is this akin to how low-income people pleasers give up all their time?”
“So much and so often that people feel entitled to every minute?”
“I can’t figure out if the family is also wealthy, broke but entitled, or something in between… no matter where they are positionally this still feels wrong.”
“Do they think they’re doing OP a favor somehow?”
“That their willingness to go with a preset plan is somehow their contribution?”
“Sincerely wondering how any group of people could come to this collective judgment of the gift giver/organizer — and to the point, all but one makes sure OP knows their love and basic contact is conditional!” ~ Hola-Fabi
“NTA. I would cancel the whole trip and never take any of them again.”
“It’s easy to be flippant with other people’s money.”
“How about they pay his way and have him back out, costing them thousands?”
“See how well they handle it.”
“I’m so angry on OP’s behalf, their family is calling them selfish and other names, refusing to talk to them when they have spent thousands of dollars over the years taking them all on vacations.”
“OP’s family are entitled, ungrateful people and don’t deserve the generosity that OP has shown them.” ~ Frequent_Couple5498
“I bet you anything that the family just says ‘Well, OP was ready to spend that money anyway, so what does it matter if nephew can’t make it?'”
“What a bunch of entitled, unthankful jerks! “
“This lovely, costly, generous gesture has just become something they all expect to receive, and they think they all just deserve it now.”
“They don’t appreciate it, or OP. NTA.”
“I saw this happen at work on a much different scale… my boss started putting out a candy dish on her desk, refilling it with chocolate every time it got low.”
“Within months, people just came to expect it and no longer considered it a perk- now it was something owed to them.”
“One day, she was out at meetings, and the dish was empty.”
“When she got back, people were actually mad at her because ‘their’ candy wasn’t there when they wanted it!” ~ Lizwings
“All of this, OP.”
“I would send a group text, ‘I have spent X on nephew over the last few trips, which has been wasted when he backs out at the last second.'”
“‘Since all of you seem to think that amount of money is nothing, you can get together and pay back the amount wasted by said nephew.'”
“‘Until that is done, I won’t be scheduling any more trips.'”
“‘And moving forward, you can gather your money together to put as a deposit for said nephew.'”
“‘If he doesn’t come, I’ll keep the money.'”
“‘And anyone who calls me selfish, and other such names, after taking you on X fully paid for vacations over the years will be permanently removed from the family trips.'”
“‘I am a person.'”
“‘I don’t deserve to be treated this way after everything I’ve done for the family.'”
“‘And if it is that hard for any of you to treat me like a person, then it tells a lot about what kind of people you are.'”
“OP, you don’t WANT a relationship with people who are only using you for your money.”
“Take this as an opportunity to see who those people are.” ~ crystallz2000
“Let me get this straight… you plan, book, and PAY FOR an insanely huge family vacation every year.”
“There’s one person who always wastes your money, you don’t want to waste money on them, and now your family is saying if you don’t CONTINUE to pay for the insanely expensive vacations, they will disown you?”
“Your family sucks.”
“They’re, at best, entitled.”
“At worst, abusers who are using you for your money and ready to dump you the moment you aren’t useful to them anymore.”
“NTA, tell them you won’t cancel the trip, but everyone can pay their own way.”
“When they threaten to cut you off, say, say, ‘Nice, saves me the cash.'” ~ Bunker_Rodz
“NTA. Your family has been using you.”
“I would be so angry if a relative has consistently flaked costing another family member $30k over the years without reimbursing them.”
“You’ve probably spent over half a million on trips with your family, and they are treating you this way?”
“It’s time to make new friends and travel partners.”
“Your family doesn’t care about you.”
“They are only around for the fancy trips and your money.”
“Otherwise they would have agreed to consequences for flaking.” ~ cassowary32
“I think this is so important to stress!”
“If the whole family is willing to write OP off because they won’t subsidize vacations their nephew never comes on – but of course, they’re not so upset as to back out of their own free trip – what the family is really saying is that OP is only of value to them based on these financial transactions.”
“That if OP isn’t willing to treat everyone to tens of thousands of dollars worth of vacations on a yearly basis, they’re not someone worth knowing.”
“Please, OP, spend your time and your money on people who care about you as a person, and not just the perks they get.”
“You’re clearly a fabulous individual, and you deserve so much better than this treatment!” ~ MorphogeneticGrid
“You would be the A Hole if you go forward with the trip as planned.”
“Cancel the trip for everyone except you and your younger sister.”
“Stop being used. NTA.” ~ ZaelDaemon
Reddit is with you, OP.
This is an outrageous situation. Your family has no right to treat you this way. After all you’ve done for these people, it’s sad that they would act like this. There is no reason why your nephew can’t pony up the money upfront.
He is unreliable.
Don’t let them get you down.
Good luck.