Being injured or sick is never a fun time.
In fact, during times of poor physical health, people often fall into depression.
It can be difficult, living through day after day of pain and suffering.
As hard as it can get, though, life doesn’t stop.
Life keeps moving forward, and people along with it.
Redditor Rocks-Are-Awesome wanted to discuss her experience and get some feedback, so naturally, she came to the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subreddit.
She asked:
“WIBTA if I tell my husband to snap out of it?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“Hi everyone, my first time posting here, so sorry if I’ve done anything wrong!”
“Please bear with me because this is long and convoluted…”
“Basically, my F[emale] 34 Husband M[ale] 36 has been in a constant state of self-pity for roughly 4 years now.”
“I know that sounds harsh, but I can’t cope with it anymore.’
“He had a nasty right knee injury 4 years back, and since then I have done everything I can to help him and look after him and both our kids (5 and 9).”
“My husband has finally had all of the treatments he needs for his knee injury and has recovered from that, thank goodness!”
“But my problem is that now he’s still in this self-pitying mindset and acting as though he can’t do anything for himself at all.”
“I’m still being expected to care for him and our children and our home as if nothing has changed.”
“No matter what I or any family members (primarily his mother) tell him, he just won’t snap out of being ‘helpless.'”
“I have done my absolute best to be caring and understanding with everything he has had to go through, and the long road to recovery he has had.”
“But right now I really need the same kind of support I’ve given him in return.”
“I have just been diagnosed with ovarian cancer this past week, and I am exhausted.”
“My emotions are all over the place, and I have still been doing absolutely everything with the kids, the house, etc., on top of all the appointments I’ve had.”
“Today he’s saying that he’s having chest pains and has been to see the Dr, they told him it’s nothing to be concerned about, and he’s complaining of being dismissed.”
“He’s now been in bed all day and asking me to bring him food and drinks, etc.”
“I’ve now also had to collect both children from school when he was supposed to be doing that today.”
The OP was left to wonder:
“WIBTA if I just tell him to snap out of it and get a grip? And explain I’m the one who needs looking after right now?”
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed in on some options to the question, AITA:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Many Redditors declared that OP would NOT be the A**hole.
“NTA. Are you kidding me?”
“Honey, even before reading you’ve been diagnosed with ovarian cancer, I was leaning in your favor.”
“After that detail, absolutely NTA!”
“The fact that he hasn’t stepped up during your diagnosis is appalling (assuming he knows).”
“I’m so sorry.” ~ REDDIT
“NTA times a thousand.”
“Tell him to get out of bed and start acting like an adult instead of a child.”
“You’re not his waitress or nurse or maid, marriage is a partnership.”
“If he doesn’t understand the severity of ovarian cancer, then tell him, in no uncertain terms, that you’ve stopped babying him now that his knee has healed.”
“Tell him that YOU will need HIM to help you in the weeks/months ahead, and he’d better start now.”
“If he refuses, let him lie in bed, don’t bring him food or water, he can do that himself, or he can lie there and whine (which he’s doing anyway) so he can just GET OVER IT!!!”
“The old ‘woe is me’ self-pitying has got to end.”
“I apologize for being so blunt here, hopefully I won’t get deleted.”
“But your husband needs to grow the hell up.”
“I can’t imagine treating my wife like this EVER.” ~ GirlDad2023_
“NTA. Honestly, it sounds like your husband is either being manipulative, because he likes his cushy being babied lifestyle, or is extremely depressed or anxious.”
“Either way, he needs to do something about it NOW.”
“The fact that you were just diagnosed with cancer and your husband is still acting like he is the victim is worrisome and disturbing.”
“It shows an incredible lack of empathy and care for you.”
“You need to surround yourself with people who will support you as you get through this time.”
“Your husband does need a wake-up call.”
“Maybe he needs to get out of the house until he comes to his senses.”
“Perhaps he can go stay with his mom, who I’m glad to hear is also looking at this situation with clear eyes.”
“But you are right, things cannot continue the way they have been.” ~ REDDIT
“I’m sorry.”
“You just got diagnosed with OVARIAN CANCER, and he’s making you wait on HIM??”
“Throw the whole husband away.”
“Go stay with your family with the kids for like a week, and let him rot on his own.” ~ RanchFiend24
“NTA four years ago is wild 😭.” ~ Ill-Veterinarian1109
“I hate to say this, but please be prepared for a divorce.”
“Statistics show that 21% of men leave their sick wives because they can’t cope with it, where as 3% of women leave their husbands.”
“You already showed that you would stay if he got sick.”
“Now you’re literally battling cancer, and he’s making your life harder.”
“Prioritize your health, including mental.”
“Let him fend for himself and figure it out.”
“You need to be as healthy as possible to fight this and be there for your kids.”
“Do you have family or friends who can help you?”
“You need to tell him more than snap out of it.”
“You need to tell him to step up and be a husband and father, not an invalid because of a 4-year-old knee injury. NTA.”
“Kick cancer’s butt!!!” ~ Who*ible_wife69
“I am so sorry for what you are going through.”
“The only way forward is to drop the load.”
“Just drop it.”
“He will either step up and pick up, or he will show you that he is not willing to. In that case… lessen your load in any and every way possible.”
“How much does he weigh?
“Because you’ve got to stop carrying him.”
“Stop doing anything for him.”
“Bad enough he is doing nothing for you at this time.”
“You WNBTA even if you go much, much, much further than asking him to snap out of it.”
“Sending you much love and positivity for what lies ahead.”
“Please take care of yourself.” ~ astrophysicsrules
“It sounds like hubby may have a serious case of malingering.”
“Malingering itself is usually a symptom of some level of mental health dysfunction.”
“He should see a licensed mental health professional.”
“None of that relieves him of his responsibilities as a spouse and parent.”
“If he isn’t going to be supportive in your health crisis, then you need to start taking measures to physically and financially protect yourself and your children.”
“Speak to your cancer clinic about needing a social worker to help you find services that will help you with any physical support you need.”
“Also, go find a divorce attorney and start consulting them about financially securing yourself in this time and removing yourself from what has become an emotionally abusive marriage.”
“You are NTA.”
“I hope you have a full recovery.” ~ Wide-Speaker-7384
“Ovarian cancer is quite serious.”
“If he wants to lie up in a bed with a nondiagnosis asking to be waited on – at this point, I would ask his family to ‘take care’ of him because not only is he not doing anything to help you, but he is requiring that you wait on him – enough of this big baby.”
“Send him to his mother and explain that you are fighting a life-threatening illness and you don’t have time to indulge his hypochondria.”
“That you need support, and the way they can help you is to take him off of your hands.” ~ briomio
“NTA – if he wants to be mothered, then threaten to send him back to his parents.” ~ EphemeraFury
“NTA. About 12 years ago, I managed to get pneumonia after first having chronic bronchitis for 6 months.”
“The whole thing knocked me out for a good year in total, with some side effects lingering to this day (asthma during rapid temperature changes like going from freezing outside to warm inside the house).”
“I lost my job, failed my degree I was doing on the side.”
“I was pitying myself quite a bit, and my wife was covering my failing as a husband a*se.”
“Until she had enough and told me (after about another year) it was time to get my sh*t together.”
“It hasn’t all been great since then, but I do have a job again, and I am working on getting another degree on the side, one that fits me better and will go together great with my current job.”
“So yeah. Give him that stern talking to.”
“You are not his mum who needs to pamper him.” ~ Hjalfnar_HGV
“NTA. Your husband is malingering.”
“We all have down days or bad days, but he needs to get back into the game or get sidelined.”
“Maybe therapy and meds will help?”
“Maybe exercise?”
“But he needs to want to get his shit together to make any of that work.” ~ UnguentSlather
“NTA at all, no matter what he says or thinks.”
“Personally, I couldn’t be as patient as you have been and would have kicked him to the curb by now.”
“You’re already essentially a single parent, so why not lighten the load by getting rid of the adult-toddler?”
“I’m so sorry that you are going through this after getting such a difficult diagnosis!” ~ SwitchWide9406
Reddit is 1000% with you, OP.
You need help.
Your health must be a priority.
Maybe he needs some professional help.
He can get it while he’s helping you.
So sorry for your diagnosis.
Good luck.