We’ve all had one of those social media friends who posts a lot about one subject, like adopting a new puppy, or a baby being born, or starting a new job.
The posts with repeated content or photos can be sort of tiresome, but some people absolutely hate it and start speaking up about their frustrations, cringed the “Am I the A**hole?” (AITA) subReddit.
Redditor throwra_wrong1b was completely sick of hearing her brother-in-law’s girlfriend’s new job.
But when she was called rude for pointing this out to the girlfriend, the Original Poster (OP) wondered if she should have kept her feelings to herself.
She asked the sub:
“AITA for telling my BIL (Brother-in-Law)’s girlfriend that she’s boring because all she talks about is her job?”
The OP and her husband were tired of hearing about her BIL’s girlfriend’s work.
“My (34 Female) BIL’s girlfriend, Faye (32 Female), recently got a new job. She got her Master’s in 2020 and never stops talking about it.”
“My husband (36), Jack, has noticed the same thing and he has said his brother, Luke (32), talks about it, too.”
“It gets on our nerves but we tolerate it because we know how excited Faye is about her degree and now this new job, which she also won’t stop talking about because, as she says, she wouldn’t have gotten it if she didn’t pursue her Master’s, since it’s a requirement.”
The OP tried to redirect the conversation during a recent dinner.
“We had them over for dinner last night with my parents and my FIL/MIL (Father-in-Law and Mother-in-Law).”
“Once again, Faye brought up her new job. It doesn’t start for another couple of weeks (she works in education, so her contracts are based on the school calendar), and she was talking about all the things she gets to do now that she really wanted to do. She mentioned it being a life goal.”
“I asked her what was next. She asked what I meant. I asked her about things like kids or marriage since they’ve been together for 3 years now.”
“She said she didn’t want to rush into marriage or kids until she had her goals in order, but marriage was something she and Luke had been seriously discussing.”
“I asked when she’d have time for kids/marriage with her career goals.”
“She said she’d make time.”
“I said kids are a lot of work (I’m a SAHM (Stay-At-Home-Mom)). I told her that when I was pregnant, it wasn’t feasible financially or logically to continue working as an STNA (State Tested Nurse’s Aide), so I quit at 26.”
“Faye said that she doesn’t want kids she can’t provide for and she likes relying on herself because so many SAHMs are financially trapped when they stop working and can’t leave if the marriage falls apart for whatever reason.”
The OP lashed out at that.
“I’ll be honest. I was offended by that. I told her not all of us are ‘trapped.'”
“She agreed but said, ‘You never know and should depend on yourself, even in marriage.'”
“Luke was nodding and agreeing.”
“I said, ‘It would also give you more to talk about other than your job.'”
“Faye asked if I had a problem with her talking about her job.”
“I said no, but honestly, it’s the only thing she seems to have to talk about that’s mildly interesting.”
“I said, ‘Everyone else talks about kids, home life, vacations, family, and hobbies, but all you talk about is your degree, education, and this new job of yours.’ And I told her it was kinda boring.”
The family criticized the OP for her words.
“Faye said, ‘Then I won’t bore you any further,’ and asked my in-laws how installing wood floors was going.”
“We all moved on past the conversation until later that night. After Luke and Faye left, my MIL told me I was rude.”
“I told her I was telling the truth because we ARE all tired of hearing about it. Jack agreed.”
“But MIL said while that was true, it’s still an accomplishment no one (looked me up and down) in this family has done yet and I seemed jealous.”
“I said I wasn’t jealous but offended by some things she said.”
“MIL told me I was only offended because Faye was right.”
“Jack said she was right but it was obvious she was directing those comments at me in a judgmental way, and my parents agree with me.”
“AITA?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in:
- NTA: Not the A**hole
- YTA: You’re the A**hole
- ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
- NAH: No A**holes Here
Some pointed out the OP had no right to ask her BIL’s girlfriend’s future plans.
“YTA. She’s excited.”
“But that’s not the main part. You’re offended at her concerns about being a SAHP… when you started it.”
“You said, ‘I asked her what was next. She asked what I meant. I asked her about things like kids or marriage since they’ve been together for 3 years now.'”
“‘She said she didn’t want to rush into marriage or kids until she had her goals in order but marriage was something she and Luke had been seriously discussing.'”
“‘I asked when she’d have time for kids/marriage with her career goals. She said she’d make time. I said kids are a lot of work (I’m a SAHM). )I told her that when I was pregnant, it wasn’t feasible financially or logically to continue working as an STNA, so I quit at 26.'”
“Seriously. You spent a conversation pursuing her on why her plans (note, HER plans) weren’t good enough.”
“This is on you.” – PeggyHW
“YTA. Also, it is none of your business to ask someone about their plans of having children.”
“Perhaps they tried and didn’t get pregnant yet. Or had a miscarriage. Unless someone brings the topic up themselves, NEVER just assume someone can, and wants to.” – mnc1076
“I don’t care if you’re family or best friends since you were kids or strangers, it is none of your business what someone’s future family plans are!!”
“OP is suuuuuper judgy about it too. I used to be really vague like that too when judgy people would ask when I’m having children because I didn’t want to have the inevitable argument by telling them I don’t want children. No matter what Faye’s reasons and plans are, OP needs to mind her own beeswax.”
“It can be a sensitive topic for a lot of people, and when someone gives you an answer, no matter what it is, you need to accept it.” – EducatedOwlAthena
“The fact they are together three years and not married might be a sore spot for her as well.”
“I think I am sensitive to this discussion because my inlaws were awful to me – never took any interest in my work, my volunteer activities, my family, my hobbies, my interests. Maybe they thought I was boring because I wasn’t a stay-at-home mom with kids to talk about.”
“That sounds snarky but it isn’t, I mean it genuinely. I’ve never considered your point of view before.”
“Either way, you weren’t very kind to her. Kindness costs you nothing. YTA.” – AlbanyBarbiedoll
“Kids may not be in the picture for them or they may only be interested in just 1. When kids are a low priority, then the need to get married ASAP in your 30s isn’t there. There’s no biological clock screaming at you.”
“Faye could also be a one major life change at a time kind of person.”
“Depending on how rigorous her program was, trying to plan a wedding and finish out her education may have been more than she wanted to take on. It may have been one of those things where she wanted to finish her education first and find a job, and then worry about getting married.”
“Frankly, depending on what she is doing in education, she may not know where she was going to be living once she graduated. Better to resolve stuff like that before you get locked down if you have a husband whose career can’t move.” – anglerfishtacos
Others didn’t see the issue with the girlfriend talking about the job she was excited about.
“I used to talk about my job a lot around people I knew were judgy and pushy about my private life…” – Flossy_Cowboy
“I talk about my job a lot because I, like a lot of people, spend nearly half my waking life there.”
“But I wouldn’t expect OP to understand that, seeing as how she hasn’t had a paying job in years.” – tsh87
“OP: Your life interests and goals are boring and I’m so tired of hearing about the things you care about. Plus I think you aren’t prioritizing what’s really important, your job is a waste you should have kids and quit working.”
“SIL: Well, I think your life goals are boring and irresponsible.”
“Also OP: shocked pikachu face. How dare you criticize my life choices and dismiss them as unimportant and boring.”
“I think I hurt myself with my eyes rolling so hard. If you don’t want people to criticize your life choices, you probably should stay out of theirs, and definitely don’t bring yours in as a comparison. Definitely YTA.”
“(*Yes, OP that is pretty much what you told her)” – LimitlessMegan
“I run into this issue with my own 3 sisters. I am childless and have a time-consuming career. The next sister has 1 child and a career. The youngest two each have 3 and are SAHMs. I’m happy they are in a position to do this as it is what they want BUT I get as tired of kid/home talk as they do of job talk.”
“I don’t relate to their world and they don’t relate to mine. 2nd sister blends into both sides. No one is trying to be boring, and we all genuinely love each other and want to know how each other is doing, but the details just aren’t relatable.”
“I’m honestly impressed with how Faye handled the conflict, but that is going to be a strained relationship for the foreseeable future.” – human060889
The subReddit could understand wanting to talk about something else, but there surely was a nicer way to point that out and to lead her potential sister-in-law to another subject to talk about.