Most of us wouldn’t hesitate to help a family member in need if we could, but sometimes the things they ask of us can seem to be just a bridge too far.
A Redditor found themself in this situation when their flaky sister asked them to pay for her nanny.
The Redditor, who goes by Gardenofwoe on the site, took their sibling drama to the AITA (Am I The A**hole) subReddit to get some perspective on how they handled it.
The Original Poster (OP) asked:
“AITA for refusing to help hire my sister a nanny so she’d have an easier time as SAHM?”
They explained:
“Anyways, my older sister (33F) had a baby last Jan. Her baby girl is a little over 1 year old now and super cute and imo very even-tempered since I babysit her pretty often.”
“My sister is kind of…all over the place. She went to college, dropped out, traveled to SAmerica to live for a few years, got arrested (won’t go into it), and eventually came back to the US and immediately got married/had kids. She’s been bouncing around retail jobs since then and finally quit to become a full time stay at home mom (SAHM) since my niece’s birth.”
“Recently she’s been complaining to us that she hates being at home with my niece who’s a ‘terror’ and wants to work again. The only issue is she’s literally not qualified to do anything, so naturally she got sucked into a makeup MLM that she’s 100% invested in.”
“Well, the biggest issue is that my BIL who works in construction 1) cannot afford for her to dick around in an MLM and 2) needs her provide childcare since they can’t afford daycare on his income alone. My sister as a result has been crying to us to help foot the bill for a nanny/daycare so that she can pursue her ‘independent business owner’ dreams.”
“A part time nanny or daycare where we live is about $800-1000 per month. My parents don’t have much disposable income, so it would just be me and my brother to split this. I have the money but I just CANNOT justify subsidizing my sister on more nonsense (we’ve had to help pay off her cc bills before).”
“At this point I am the only holdout and our parents are trying to guilt me into paying. On one hand I feel bad because I should be helping family and my sister seems to genuinely hate childcare as a fairly new mom, but on the other hand I’m sick and tired of my sister always getting bailed out financially for her shenanigans and this just feels like another one to me.”
“Basically I CAN help her but I just don’t want to. AITA?”
OP’s fellow Redditors were then asked to judge who’s in the wrong here based on the following categories:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
- NAH – No A**holes Here
And for them, this was a clear and easy choice: Team OP!
“Nope nope nope. Don’t touch that with a 10 foot pool. Continue to hold out. NTA.”
“She’s going to ruin her husband, you know that right? Unless he puts a stop to the MLM nonsense. By helping fund this in any way, you’d be contributing to their family’s demise.”
“That said, a legitimate part time job might not be a bad idea. Maybe night school. A lot of that depends on how much OT the husband works though.” —Pocket-or-Penny
“You can be diplomatic and let your sister and family know you’d be happy to help with the nanny if she gets a proper paying job that pays her more than what you’d be paying for childcare. (Which her MLM will not).”—whatchagonnadobedo
“NTA. Kids don’t have to be terrors. I suggest binge watching super nanny for ideas to make parenting less stressful for her.” —mera1506
“So many nopes. This family wants OP to pony up hundreds of dollars a month so her sister can experience getting scammed? NOPE!!!” —Smishysmash
“…Literally, this. Her husband needs to be the one that puts a stop to it though, not you. That’s their relationship, and you shouldn’t be involved in it (which includes not giving any money).” —dereksalem
“NTA. I’m a writer. It was very difficult when my kids were younger. I typically worked from about 10pm at night to 1-2am in the morning. When you’re trying to start up your own business, you often have to keep working until it takes off and makes enough money. Until she makes enough from her MLM to afford daycare, she’s a stay-at-home mom. If she doesn’t like that, she can get another job to foot the bill for daycare.” —crystallz2000
“NTA she had a kid not you, and frankly she will never make money in a MLM. It will never end of you help her now. She needs to figure her own life out” —ComfortableZebra2412
“NTA If you end up paying for this, then it will be hard to break the cycle of financially supporting your sister which isn’t fair in you. Your sisters child, her responsibility if she doesn’t like it too bad, from what I gather when the going gets tough the family end up bailing her out. Time for her to stand in her own 2 feet.” —G8RTOAD
“NTA. It is disgusting that your parents want you to let your sister use you as an ATM. The best thing for her might be to let her fall on her ass and have to pick herself back up. Your family is enabling her. If you all stop giving in to her requests, she might be forced to become a functional adult.” —DncgBbyGroot
“NTA”
“you need to stay clear of this plan, sisters childcare is not your responsibility. She needs to grow up and take responsibility for her own life. You may need this money in the future for your own family, and it would cause more problems if you then had to stop helping.” —Maximoose-777
Hopefully these siblings can work out their situation with minimal drama.