A Redditor is a woman who had been estranged as a preteen from her religious family. She had recently found herself reuniting with her twin sister due to unforeseen circumstances.
But after many years of being ostracized, her visit sparked a renewed interest from her parents who suddenly wanted to be a part of her life.
As far as the Original Poster (OP) was concerned, their attempt at reconnecting and making things right came too late.
After feeling pressure from her parents about one request, however, she visited the “Am I the A**hole” (AITA) subReddit and asked:
“AITA for not letting my parents meet their Grandkids?”
She explained:
“So I was raised in a small southern US town in an evangelical family. My sister and I are identical twins.”
“Anyways, I was disowned at 12 years old after I came out as a lesbian. I tried to contact my sister over the years, but she has wanted nothing to do with me….I even tried to reach out and fly her out to my wedding but, she wanted nothing to do with me.”
“Anyways I’m 33 now and haven’t seen my parents or sister in 21 years. I’m not even a US citizen anymore, I went to school in Ireland and stayed when I met my wife. We’ve been happily married for 10 years now and we have 3 kids through IVF.”
“About 9 months ago I was contacted by my sister’s husband…I’d never met the guy and have no idea how he found me, but he was pretty desperate. My sister was suffering from kidney failure and needed a donor.”
Despite the way she had been treated, she decided to help her sister.
“I flew out to the US to be a donor for her, but I refused to speak with my family the entire time. I even put them on a no visit list for my hospital room.”
“After I recovered my wife and I flew back home without ever setting eyes on my ex-family except my sister’s husband.”
“Anyways since then my parents and sister have been trying to get in contact with me. They are stalking my social media, commenting on pictures of my kids and sending me messages about how desperate they are to reconnect.”
“My mom sent me a whole long FB message about how sorry she was and how she wanted me to move home so we could be a family again She told me how my sister can’t have kids (some complication with an earlier pregnancy that she lost and how she desperately wanted to meet her grandkids….”
“My sister has been behaving pretty similarly, she even called my wife and cried her heart out to her about how much she misses me.”
The OP was unmoved by her family’s tears after 21 years of rejection.
“Honestly…I want nothing to do with them…I don’t really care if they are sorry it’s been more than 20 years and they didn’t care until I had something they wanted (grandkids).”
“I don’t feel much better about my sister…I get that we were 12 but, as an adult I’ve reached out to her so many times only to be sent Bible quotes back about me going to hell….”
“I’m just over it…I have a Ma and Da now that love me (my wife’s parents )….”
“I have a family and a life…and I don’t think there is a place for them in it.”
“My wife supports me 100% but, Ma and Da think I’m being a bit hard on them and think I should let them come for Christmas to meet their Grandkids.”
“Am I the a**hole because I don’t want anything to do with them and refusing them the chance to get to know their grandkids?”
Anonymous strangers on the internet passed judgement by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
- NAH – No A**holes Here
Redditors sided with the OP as NTA and theorized the parents may have ulterior motives.
“NTA. Your lesbian kidney was good enough for them but not you as a child.”
“They feel like bad people because even after it all you saved your sister without asking for praise and an apology. Keep being an amazing selfless person. You sound like an amazing mother and wife.” – sj612mn
“I’d be worried they want another donation. eggs or her eggs and theuse of her womb. Depends on why sis can’t have kids.” – lady_edesia
“Yea I think everyone here has seen quite a few stories about family members being contacted to later be told they should be surrogates.”
“They are hounding you to try and put a picture perfect family back together. Your children provide them an opportunity the golden child can’t give them!”
“Give them an inch and they will try for a mile! Be careful because they will hurt you or your children and even your wife in some emotional way, homophobia doesn’t go away when’s it’s been so ingrained it kept them from reaching out for 21 years!!”
“If you want a relationship I say keep it superficial on social media. They disowned you at 12 and waited this long to reach out for something they wanted, another 21 years of basic respect to show they are sincere in their wishes to be a family would be the way I’d go but I’ve been burned so many times to have empathy for family.” – mshappyperson
“You donating your kidney to your sister despite all of them disowning you at 12(?!) put in their face what hateful hypocrites they are, even if they can’t articulate it that way to themselves.”
“The cynical part of me thinks that they are trying to get in touch now both to absolve themselves of guilt and possibly to try and see if they can ‘save the souls’ of their grandkids.”
“You don’t owe your parents a thing, and your kids only need to know any of their relevant medical history. It sounds like they’re better off without them, as are you. NTA.” – hannahsflora
“Yes you certainly come off as a wonderful women OP. I wouldn’t even consider letting them back in at this point unless YOU needed and wanted them in your life.”
“Even if they have grown to regret their treatment of you as a child and adult, there is no chance those underlying character flaws are gone. They will almost cause more pain to you.”
“NTA obviously. Congrats on the Irish Citizenship though that’s like my dream! Also a great time not to be trapped in the states.” – Spirit4ward
Not everyone would have been as charitable.
“NTA!!!! They are not your family. Family is the people who act like it. Honestly, I wouldn’t have given my twin the kidney if I were you.”
“Especially since you’re identical, if she needed a kidney at some point, chances are pretty high you might end up developing the same condition and need a kidney yourself down the line- and now you only have one!”
“They’re angry because they’re experiencing the consequences of their actions, but that’s just too flipping bad for them. These people are TOXIC and you would be the AH if you let them anywhere near your wife and kids.”
“Your Ma and Da just can’t imagine how much damage your family did to you. Maybe sit them down and explain your reasoning, but DO NOT let these abusive people near your family!” – HumanistPeach
“OP had zero obligation to donate her kidney – it’s not a simple operation and permanently affects your quality of life.”
“The fact she did so already makes her an angel. That she did it to people who hated her for more than half as long as she’s existed, for no reason.”
“OP is so NTA I’m surprised she’s able to use a toilet.” – GenderGambler
The general consensus was that the OP owed her birth family nothing.
Not even the kidney she generously already gave her sister.