While weddings are a celebration of two families uniting, they are arguably first and foremost about the bride and the groom.
With that in mind, it seems fair to say that the bride and groom should be the center of attention on their wedding day.
Even so, there are often guests in attendance at every wedding who make an effort to steer the attention to themselves in some capacity.
The father of a recent Redditor was hoping to do just that at her upcoming wedding.
Something she told him in no uncertain terms he could not do, seeming to put a strain on their already problematic relationship.
Worried she was being insensitive to her father’s feelings, the original poster (OP) took to the subReddit “Am I The A**hole” (AITA), where she asked fellow Redditors:
“AITA for not letting my dad propose to his girlfriend at my wedding.”
The OP explained how her father hoped she would help him perform an important gesture to his girlfriend on her special day, and why she was not on board with this plan one bit.
“Myself (F[emale]) & my fiancé (M[ale]) just got engaged.”
“My fiancé’s family has always been super supportive of us & is even helping us pay for part of the wedding.”
“On the other hand, my family is not.”
“I did not expect my side, aka my dad, to contribute so I was not surprised or even upset.”
“He’s just not the generous type and even had me pay rent when I lived with him.”
“My mom died of cancer a few years back.”
“We were incredibly close and it was so hard to watch the kindest person I have ever met go through such a horrible thing.”
“I know everyone grieves in different ways but my dad began dating really soon after she passed.”
“Within months he was on dating apps and filling me in on the details of the women he was meeting.’
“This among other things really damaged our relationship for a while.”
“He met his now girlfriend (GF) within the first year of my mom being gone, and they now live together.”
“I am glad he has someone to keep him company but it was fast.”
“I am not particularly close to my dad and his GF but we are on decent terms.”
“I was visiting them recently.”
“My dad’s GF went upstairs and my dad and I were still hanging out.”
“He pulled up this video of a bride who was going to do a bouquet toss when instead she walks it over, hands it to a bridesmaid, and turns her around to see that she is getting proposed to.”
“I thought he was just showing me a random wedding video so I responded ‘awww cute’.”
“He said ‘I want to do this to (gf’s name) at your wedding’.”
“I was shocked and asked if he was serious.”
“He said he had been thinking about it and this is what he wanted to do to make it special and to show that I am welcoming her into the family.”
“I told him that he was going to have to figure something else out because that day is about my future husband and I and that we were spending a ton of money for our special day.”
“His argument was that it would be a ‘5 minute thing’ and then it would go back to being my day.”
“My dad loves being the center of attention so I know that all he would talk about the rest of the night would be the proposal, and I know my family would be gossiping about it because of how recent it has been since my mom passed.”
“When people think back to my wedding, I don’t want them to just remember my dad’s proposal.”
“I told him that especially because he is not offering to contribute to the wedding, it was completely out of the question.”
“I explained that I really think his GF would be uncomfortable with all of that attention on her too.”
“The next morning, my dad tried to guilt trip me and told me he was disappointed that I didn’t want to be involved with something so special.”
“I told him he needs to plan something that is completely separate.”
“I can tell he thinks I am being a jerk.”
“Planning a wedding without my mom being here is already so emotional.”
“If she was still here, she would be my go-to person for everything.”
“I miss her terribly and know my wedding day is going to be emotional because of it.”
“We are going to have a reserved seat with her photo on it.”
“So AITA for not letting my dad propose at my wedding?”
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they believed the OP fell in this particular situation by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
The Reddit community agreed that the OP was not the a**hole for refusing to allow her father to propose to his girlfriend at their wedding.
Everyone agreed that the OP’s father was being selfish, particularly as he didn’t contribute any money to help pay for the wedding.
Many wondered if he was going to go through with it regardless of his daughter’s pleas.
“NTA.”
“But I’d be worried he goes ahead with his plan anyway and tries to propose at your wedding.”-Conspiring_Bitch
“NTA.”
“But be on guard because he sounds like the type to do it anyway.”- CrystalQueen3000
“NTA.”
“If your dad wants the proposal to be special, he shouldn’t do it on someone else’s special day at a wedding that he’s hijacking despite not contributing financially.”
“It feels as though the bigger issue is that he wants you to be involved and he wants you to play a role in welcoming her to the family.”
“If you’re not ready to do that, you have a right to say no.”
“The juxtaposition of your dad proposing to his new GF at an event where there’s an empty chair to honor your mother…oof.”- miyuki_m
“Honey he wants to bum your fancy location and professional photographer to capture HIS moment!”
“He’s wanting to ride your coattails and snatch your spotlight.”
“Saying ‘no’ once IS enough, the fact he keeps pushing makes me think he’ll try it anyways.”
“It’s not a 5-minute thing, it’s everyone for the rest of the night coming and congratulating them.”
“He’s being ridiculous I wouldn’t blame you if you want to be cold with him until he knocks it off.”
“NTA.”- Obvious_Scorpio1
“NTA.”
“Tell him there are 364 other days this year that can be about him but your wedding is your day.”-WilzAngie
“NTA.”
“But your dad is a HUGE one.”
“Not only disregarding how it makes you feel but your family on your mom’s side.”
“He’s being incredibly selfish.”- chinua333
“NTA.”
“Please tell someone to be prepared to stop him if he tries it at the wedding.”- Because-itsthere
“Yep, he’s gonna propose at your wedding.”
“NTA.”- TheQuietType84
“NTA.”
“But your father is beyond.”
“Assign someone to keep an eye on him and hustle him to the door if he even tries to grab a microphone.”
“And you might want to consider skipping the bouquet toss altogether.”
“It’s an outdated tradition anyway.”- NoreastNorwest
“NTA.”
“It’s your wedding if you don’t want it to happen then it shouldn’t.”
“Though be prepared to kick him out if he goes ahead with a proposal in some form anyway.”
“That’s what attention seekers do.”- Nameless_oneder
“NTA.”
“He can take all of that money that he’s not using to help you out on this occasion, which is his right, and pay for i.e. some exotic vacation or expensive dinner or whatever would be to his GF’s liking to make a grand gesture and a special proposal.”
“He’s simply trying to steal the spotlight.”
“Btw, you inviting his GF to your wedding is quite frankly enough of a ‘welcome to the family’ gesture.”
“And I’m sorry for your loss.”
“When you go through some big events in life, like getting married or later having a baby, that’s when the loss of your parent hits the most. I wish you all the best.”- Extreme_Expert3214
“NTA.”
“But given that this has blown out of control, you should consider not inviting your father to your wedding and getting some security.”
“Your father trying to hijack your wedding and make it about him and stressing you out is wrong.”-JCBashBash
“NTA 100%”
“He asked you answered and that’s that, you decide what happens in your wedding not him and your dad needs to respect that.”- Kimboleigh66
It’s arguably understandable why the OP’s father wants his proposal to be a grand gesture, as his girlfriend could have been the help he needed to come to terms with his grief.
Though surely he could find a better time than to do it at his daughter’s wedding, where his late wife is being honored, and to which he didn’t contribute a cent.
One can only hope he’ll honor the OP’s wishes, and let the only celebrations that day be directed towards her union.