Having a baby is a joyous occasion.
But it can also be a very stressful time.
Expectant mothers are tired and have a lot on their minds.
So the last thing they need is overzealous people who want to commandeer their pregnancy.
It’s nice when others want to be helpful, but there are boundaries people really need to understand.
Case in point…
Redditor throwaway-aita-31 wanted to discuss her experience and get some feedback. So naturally, she came to visit the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit.
She asked:
“AITA for telling my coworker to leave me alone after my baby shower?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“I (F[emale] 31) am 32 weeks pregnant with mine and my husband’s first child.”
“I’ve been coworkers/friends with Claire (F 36) since I joined the company five years ago.”
“We’ve always been quite close, but I’ve been getting increasingly annoyed with her while I’ve been pregnant, and it all came to blows at my baby shower last week.”
“For some backstory, Claire has struggled with fertility for years.”
“She suffered from pregnancy loss a few years ago and tried I[n] V[itro] F[ertilization], but that failed, which led to her marriage ending.”
“I was supportive throughout and tried to be there for her as much as I could.”
“Everything was okay between us until Claire found out I was pregnant.”
“From the moment she found out, she’s become slightly obsessed.”
“She touches my belly constantly, begging to feel the baby kick, and always asks how ‘our baby’ is.”
“I hate this and have made a point to say I don’t like people touching my stomach apart from my husband.”
“Claire, in turn, always tells people I don’t like anyone touching my stomach ‘apart from family’ (which she claims includes her).”
“I told Claire that I didn’t like anyone but my husband touching my stomach.”
“She chose to ignore it.”
“There’s been other issues, but the main issue arose when I had my baby shower last week.”
“My mom and M[other]-I[n]-L[aw] organized the whole thing, but apparently both were bombarded with messages from Claire because she ‘knew exactly what OP wanted.'”
“She kind of took over the shower and made sure she was sat next to me for the entire thing.”
“While I was opening gifts, Claire burst into tears, saying how a lot of the gifts were items she would have been given at her own showers if she hadn’t had her miscarriages.”
“In the end, she had to be comforted by several guests.”
“After the shower, I called her up and said that I think she needs to take a step back, and I’m worried this is too much for her.”
“Claire quickly fired back, saying that she was fine and that the baby ‘needed Auntie Claire.'”
“Finally, I’d had enough and said that I really needed her to back off as she wasn’t family, and I felt like I was being suffocated.”
“Ever since then, numerous coworkers have said that I need to apologize to Claire and that I was an a**hole for being so harsh with her.”
The OP was left to wonder,
“So AITA?”
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed some options to the question AITA:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Many Redditors declared OP was NOT the A**hole.
“NTA. And personally, I would be visiting the H[uman] R[esources] department and explaining what is happening and how you are so uncomfortable about all of it.”
“But specifically, she should never be putting her hands on you.”
“This woman sounds like she needs some serious therapy.” ~ Tiny_Cardiologist263
“HR can’t do much for how people personally interact outside of work. It’s up to adults to keep healthy boundaries with colleagues so that it doesn’t spill into the workplace.”
“All they can do realistically is tell ALL of them to stop bringing personal matters into a workplace.” ~ Positive-Paint-9441
“NTA. You should have been more direct earlier.”
“Claire is creepy, and I would not feel safe around her.” ~ DemonGoddessLillith
“NTA. Get her photo to your birth center and start the restraining order now.”
“I’d also tell HR she’s going over the top, and it’s feeling stalkerish to you.”
“And tell her she won’t be seeing the baby until the rest of the public does… Say three months old.”
“Better to have her lose her s**t now, before you’re healing, postpartum, and have a newborn.” ~ Bananas4skail
“People have bizarre ideas about restraining orders.”
“You don’t just get one by ‘asking for it.'”
“You can’t just ‘file for one.'”
“If such were the case, every Tom, Dick, and Mary would be deluging the system for them for any and all perceived slights, misunderstandings, or just for the fun and chaos of it all.”
“A restraining order is issued by a court only after you have proven to a judge that you are in great danger of suffering serious harm by another.”
“A classic example of exposure to way too much TV drama.” ~ Signal-Mulberry6356
“I don’t think she has enough reason to file a restraining order, but I could be wrong.”
“It’s not like she’s stalking her.”
“She was invited to the baby shower.”
“The issue was she started crying and making it about her, whether it was on purpose or not.”
“Touching a close friend’s belly and saying how’s ‘our baby doing?’ isn’t exactly ‘inappropriate.’ It’s pretty casual and could have a humorous undertone, but It is too much because she should always ask.”
“She’s obviously going through a lot of grief, and she needs help.”
“I do think OP should distance herself.”
“I just don’t know if legally filing a restraining order is the right way to do it.”
“It sounds like she backed off when she told her to, and her behavior stopped.”
“Grieving is not an excuse to ignore people’s boundaries, so she only has herself to blame for losing a friend.” ~ Fine_Web_3003
“It’s never OK to touch an expectant mother’s belly without expressed consent to do so, even more so if you’re not directly related.”
“Absolutely not appropriate in the workplace.”
“The other issue with the baby shower is Claire thought she knew OP better than OP’s own mother and hijacked the planning of it.”
“If anything, OP has been too patient with Claire.”
“I don’t think Claire has backed off.”
“She’s just moved to being indirect and turning the office against OP.”
“I absolutely think that’s why they’re all coming to OP and telling her to apologize, etc.”
“Claire’s controlling the narrative.” ~ RretroLoftWoody
“NTA. Claire needs therapy and support, but she doesn’t get to ignore your boundaries or requests.”
“It’s terrible that she’s struggling, but you can’t be responsible for her mental stability, and she’s way too involved in your pregnancy.”
“Painful though it will be for her, she needs firm and clear direction to back off and let you have space.” ~ Willing-Helicopter26
“NTA. Claire needs help, but you aren’t obliged to be it.”
“She’s making you uncomfortable at work.”
“She’s not your family.”
“This is NOT her baby, and she is NOT Aunt Claire.”
“And now she’s turning people against you?”
“Time for a talk with your boss and/or HR.” ~ FuzzyMom2005
“Am I the only one very alarmed by this behavior?!?!”
“Are you sure this woman isn’t going to try and steal your baby?”
“Because she sounds unhinged and like she feels entitled to your baby.”
“Please get a ring doorbell, change your locks if you haven’t already, and make sure she can’t access your home.”
“I have read a lot of baby-napping or attempted kidnapping stories that start off just like this.”
“Please be careful.” ~ Infamous-Audience284
“NTA and talk to HR.”
“‘I’m happy to be cordial to her, but being cordial doesn’t extend to letting her touch me, insisting MY baby is OURS, and equally insisting that she has any relation to the child I made WITH MY HUSBAND.'”
“‘She’s making me feel like I need to be concerned about the safety of my child, and that is making this a hostile work environment, particularly as she’s playing the victim card because I’m not making MY pregnancy all about HER.'”
“‘Do I need to discuss things with a labor lawyer because I’m feeling very unheard here about mine and my child’s safety, and I’m concerned you’re not taking this matter seriously.'” ~ WikkidWitchly
“NTA… she took over your baby shower and got so emotional that your guests had to comfort her.”
“Just reading that makes me uncomfortable.”
“She needs a therapist, and you definitely need to enforce boundaries for your peace of mind.” ~ ThatWhichLurks782
“NTA, and she’s not Auntie Claire.”
“It’s okay to say no and keep it business.”
“It’s also okay to start looking for another job.” ~ Dog-PonyShow
OP came back with more info…
“For those saying I should find a new job, I can’t do that because of my maternity pay.”
“I was promoted last year so I’m quite high in our firm, and it would take a long time to start again from scratch at a new firm.”
“I will talk to HR, though, if I continue to be hounded by co-workers.”
“If people could please stop saying she’s going to steal my baby…”
“It doesn’t help during what is already a stressful time.”
“In my country, we have really high security in maternity wards regarding visitors so no, Claire will not be able to steal my baby from the hospital. “
“Yes, I have a ring doorbell on my home. We’ve had it for years.”
“No, Claire does not have a key to my house (no one apart from our parents does), and she has never been asked to babysit.”
‘The only people we’d ever ask to babysit are our parents or my husband’s sister.”
Well, OP, this is quite the situation.
You deserve to have peace during this time.
Maybe a sitdown with Claire and your husband and a person to support her would be helpful.
Contacting HR to resolve the situation within the workspace is also a smart idea.
Good luck and congratulations!