Wedding decisions sound like non-stop fun and celebration in theory, but the process of planning can cause some serious drama.
Ideally a wedding is the merging of two ideas. That comes with compromise.
Which isn’t always embraced.
Case in point…
Redditor throwawaytitanic2 wanted to discuss his story for some feedback. So naturally he came to visit the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit.
He asked:
“AITA for refusing to do a Titanic-themed wedding?”
The Original Poster (OP) explained:
“My fiancé (33 M[ale]) is obsessed with the Titanic movie and wants our whole wedding to be Titanic-themed.”
“I (23 M[ale]) don’t really like the movie that much and I figured that it’d be unfair to theme our entire wedding about something that only one of us cares about.”
“I told him I wouldn’t mind some Titanic references here and there but he started crying and said he wants the whole thing to be Titanic-themed because that’s ‘the wedding he always dreamed about.'”
“He then stormed out the house and hasn’t spoken to me since (this was two days ago).”
“I feel bad for making him cry but I still think he’s being unreasonable.”
“I spoke to my parents about it and they said that if I want to get married I need to learn to make sacrifices so I should just go along with it.”
“AITA?”
Redditors shared their thoughts on this matter and weighed some options to the question AITA?:
- Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Redditors declared our OP was NOT the A**hole.
It’s a tricky situation.
Let’s hear some thoughts…
“Does… does he know what happened to the Titanic?”
“What does a Titanic themed wedding even look like? You drown a bunch of poor people and don’t have enough seats for everybody? Everyone is cold?”
“NTA.”
“ETA: OMG thank you all for the awards and hilarious responses. I feel God in this Chili’s tonight.” ~ AffectionateBite3827
“Ok so while I think the OP is definitely NTA, the song my bridesmaids walked down the aisle to was an instrumental, very pretty version of one of the songs from the Titanic movie score and I walked down the aisle to a similar sounding one from ‘Legends of the Fall.'”
“(My marriage ended up more like the former lol).”
“I’m happy to find it for OP if this is something he’d like to use to appease his fiancé but do it in a subtle way.”
“I mean let’s be honest though, if you’re going to do it up you must invite Celine.”
“Then again though the fiancé strikes me as someone who might worry she would steal his thunder.”
“Also, OP’s parents have it entirely wrong.”
“Compromise in a relationship does not mean one side completely gets what they want while the other doesn’t.”
“It’s when you each make small changes in order to meet in the middle.”
“Some of the best advice my father gave to my now ex-husband about compromise was that if you’re going to make a decision to let the other person have their way, do it because you want to see them happy and genuinely care about them, especially if it’s not something you care that much about but it’s important to them.”
“Don’t do it and then ruin that experience for your significant other, it will just cause resentment and miscommunication within a relationship.”
“For example if there’s something you want to go do and you would like him to join you and he doesn’t want to go but then he agrees to go, he should act accordingly and maturely and not ruin the day for you.”
“My ex-husband used to do this all the time and it drove a wedge between us among other things.”
“Good luck!” ~ Sea-Standard-8882
“NTA. If he can’t see that a wedding is for both spouses and should make both happy.”
“He throws a temper tantrum to get his way.”
“Does he have a habit of not caring about your boundaries and using emotional manipulation?” ~ Mera1506
“A wedding is all about celebrating the union of two people.”
“When he was dreaming about this wedding, did he even spend a second thinking ‘but what would my future spouse want?'”
“What room is there for his future spouse to show their interests at their own wedding when he’s already planned it all out?”
“If he went ahead with this wedding, it would just be a Titanic-themed party for him and you would just be a fellow guest.”
“He might as well hire an actor to be his groom.” ~ ShelfLifeInc
“Are you doing a wedding from the time of the 1900’s? You can make it elegant.”
“You could get married on a cruise ship by the captain. What is his vision for a Titanic wedding?”
“NTA- have him expand on his vision. Compromise, but it is your wedding too.”
“If he truly wants the Titanic wedding and not elegant 1900’s, run!” ~ Maleficent-Ear3571
“Everyone wears life preservers from the early 1900’s.”
“Maybe have the family sit in the rescue boats why others hang out on doors. (Move over Rose, there was plenty of room).”
“NTA sorry, This would be a strange theme and I wonder why he is so attached to the movie? “
“I still Can’t listen to ‘My Heart Will Go On’ To this day because they played it so much.”
“This was also my first date and I got a migraine and almost didn’t make through the whole movie because it was so long and my date almost died of embarrassment with the sex scene in the car.”
“Ah to be 15 again.” ~ Typical-Garlic-7308
“I think being this fixated on his own conception of a ‘dream wedding’ might be a red flag of its own, though a relatively small one.”
“Studies have shown that big, lavish weddings have much higher divorce rates.”
“The theory goes that the people who have those weddings are more emotionally invested in the fantasy ceremony than the decades of everyday partnership that come after.”
“Marriage becomes the requirement for the goal of having a wedding, rather than the wedding being the thing you do in order to get married.”
“This theory may not be entirely true in most cases, but I think there’s a grain of truth to it.”
“OP, right now you are the thing standing between him and his dream wedding; instead, he wants you to serve as his excuse for having his dream wedding.”
“Maybe this is just something he’s had in his mind for a long time.”
“So it’ll take a few weeks for him to recalibrate and realize that he’d rather have you at the wedding than his cardboard cutouts of Jack and Rose.”
“But you deserve to marry someone whose favorite part of the wedding will be that he gets to marry you.”
“I mean, honestly, what’s the fun in having a wedding themed around an interest that your partner doesn’t share? Who would want that?” ~ Flat_Phrase7521
“Nothing says romance quite like a sinking ship where 1500 people died.”
“I can understand wanting a cruise themed wedding or an Edwardian themed wedding but then theme of a wedding should never be a disaster.”
“Your partner is being thoughtless, selfish and childish. NTA.” ~ TheSmelliestCat
“Titanic was a mass death tragedy first and a romantic movie second.”
“Further, the Titanic is an international symbol for failure – immediately conjuring the worst case scenario of what could happen when things go wrong.”
“Making it the central theme of your wedding would not only be classless – it would be embarrassing for its cluelessness. NTA.” ~ jmgolden33
“NTA. RUN.You’re not a partner for life.”
“You’re an accessory in the wedding he’s always wanted (Also, it’s f-ing weird to theme a wedding around a tragedy.”
“Perhaps you could suggest a 9/11 theme and throw a fit when he says no).” ~ NorthernLitUp
“NTA. The wedding is supposed to be about union and he wants one that has no compromise.”
“On another note, I have a friend who had a Titanic themed wedding (the boat not the movie).”
“The event was held in a museum devoted to the disaster, surrounded by recovered memorabilia.”
“In this case, it was very sweet because my friend’s grandmother survived the Titanic and eventually became the first American citizen in their family tree.”
“The theme and location was meant to illustrate the success of their strong family since the tragedy and to commemorate my friend’s grandma who passed years before the wedding.” ~ ChiaEFX
“NTA, and (and I say this with as much kindness as possible) your fiancé needs therapy, and this is a bigger issue than the wedding.”
“Besides the fact that you need to take a serious look at any ‘partner’ who cannot compromise AT ALL about something as big as your wedding, particularly when he’s already 33 years old and not likely to get better at making compromises as he gets older.”
“There is something SERIOUSLY concerning about the fact that a 33-year-old man wants his entire wedding to revolve around a movie that was about a real historical event that caused the deaths of thousands of people.”
“The sinking of the Titanic was not ‘romantic,’ it was one of the worst mass casualty events in history.”
“Everything about this is kind of horrifying.” ~ FoolMe1nceShameOnU
Hopefully OP got the answers he was looking for.
Reddit seems to like ‘Titanic’ the movie ,but the wedding theme less.
Maybe OP and his fiancé can read over this article together, when emotions aren’t as high, and a happy compromise can be reached.