For all the joy that comes with expecting a baby, there also comes a significant amount of stress.
On top of baby proofing the house, re-budgeting to accommodate for the new arrival, not to mention morning sickness and other ailments exclusive to expectant mothers, there comes the very delicate issue of naming one’s offspring.
Redditor hey_now111 thought she had come to a happy and harmonious solution to avoid any naming tension with her fiancé, but he unfortunately thought otherwise.
Second guessing her behavior, the original poster (OP) took to the subReddit “Am I the A**hole” (AITA) asking fellow Redditors:
“AITA For telling my fiancé he doesn’t get to name both of our babies?”
The OP first revealed she and her fiancé were expecting not one, but two bundles of joy and her fiancé already had one name all set.
“I’m pregnant with twins and my fiancé and I just found out we’re having a boy and a girl.”
“We started talking about names the other day.”
“He told me that he really wanted to name the boy baby after himself (first and middle).”
“I wasn’t onboard at first but after thinking about it I agreed.”
With this in mind, the OP felt it seemed a more than fair compromise for her to name the girl and was surprised by her fiancé’s reaction to this.
“I told him that for the girl baby I wanted her first name to be my sister’s since we’re very close and the middle to be my dads since he passed when I was young.”
“My dad’s name isn’t really unisex but it’s becoming a common girl’s name.”
“My fiancé got visibly sad and told me he wanted to name the girl baby after his mom and have the middle name be his dad’s name (his dad’s name IS a unisex name).”
“I told him that I didn’t really think it was fair that he got to name the first baby what he wanted and now wants to name the second baby also what he wants.”
“I also said it wasn’t fair that my family gets excluded.”
“He said he really wanted to incorporate at least his mom’s name.”
Seeing how important that was to him, the OP once again tried to come up with a compromise, and once again was not prepared for her fiancé’s response.
“I told him that the girl baby’s middle name can be his mom’s but then the boy’s middle name is going to be my dad’s.”
“He said he wanted the boy baby named completely after him though so the baby is a Junior.”
“I told him he doesn’t get to name both of the babies what he wants.”
“He got upset about this comment and has been stand offish toward me.”
“I don’t think that was so awful of me to say but now I’m second guessing my comment and wondering if I’m an a**hole for it.”
Fellow Redditors weighed in on where they felt the OP fell in this particular situation by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
The OP was met with resounding support, with virtually everyone agreeing she was no way the a**hole for standing her ground and not letting her fiancé get the final say on the names of both of the twins.
Many Redditors found the behavior of the OP’s fiancé beyond selfish, particularly that he assumed he had the right to name both children and didn’t even ask the OP.
“NTA – He’s being selfish.”
“Both child names should require two yes votes.”- JudgeJudAITA
“NTA Baby names take agreement from both parents.”
“If either parent says no, that name is out.”
“He’s being selfish.”
“You’re the one doing the hard work here.”
“He doesn’t get to name them both after his family.”
“I personally think someone has to have a giant ego to make their kid a junior.”
“It’s easily one of the most self absorbed things I think a person can do.”- EzHedgehog
“What is this, the royal line of succession and you’re just the vessel?”-Mabelisms.
A number also expressed how the OP’s fiancé shouldn’t even get the final say on only one of the names, and they should both be in firm agreement on both names.
“But, you should BOTH be naming them BOTH.”
“Naming kids should be two yesses or one no…and both parents need to be willing to accept it might not be their first choice.”
“Which means, he can say he wants a junior.”
“You can say “yes, I like that,” or “no, I don’t like that”.”
“But if you agree on it, then that is both of you picking it.”
“I think that having the boy named after him and the girl named exclusively after your family might lead to some favouritism hangups.”-Usrname52.
“I presume he thinks they are both getting his last name, too?”
“Why shouldn’t one get YOUR last name?”
“And ‘he got visibly sad’ when he didn’t get his way?”
“It’s time for YOU to start ‘getting visibly sad’ that he can’t respect your feelings.”
“Here’s a fair solution: you each choose two names.”
“First name choice for one gender results in middle choice for the other.”
“He picks Anne and Brad.”
“You pick Claire and David.”
“You end up with Anne Claire and David Brad OR you end up with Claire Anne and Brad David.”-ADB_BWG.
A fair number of Redditors even suggested naming either twin after family members was not a good idea, and could cause tension down the line.
“Obviously you both should compromise.”
“As a twin here I’m named after one side of the family and my sister the other ( relatives that passed away first initial).”
“I do want to say that your twins are going to be fighting enough for their individuality without having to have been named after people in their daily live ( just my opinion).”
“Also, will your families be able not to favor one child over the other based on their names?”
“My grandfather( mom’s FIL) made a comment about me being the favorite because of my name and my mother put a stop to that right away but it’s something you need to carefully consider.”
“Will the son named after his father be the prodigal son to you IL etc.”- otterknowbeter.
However, the OP wasn’t open to the suggestion not to name either twin after family members, as she made clear in a subsequent edit.
“I feel I need to clear something up that I’m seeing a lot.”
“Quite a lot of people keep telling me to give the kids original names and not name them after someone else.”
“In my family it’s very normal to recycle names and name new babies after family members.”
“It’s actually considered abnormal if you give your baby an ‘original’ name.”
“I know this isn’t the norm and it’s weird for others but like I said, it’s normal for us and our family actually loves having recycled names.”
“A few of us love that we have the same names, we don’t find it weird and we enjoy it.”
“Every family is different and our families enjoy sharing names, it’s fine if you don’t agree but that’s just how our family is.”
Seeing how the OP understands the importance of family, it’s fairly surprising her fiancé wasn’t willing to offer even the slightest compromise to their predicament.
Here’s hoping they reach a solution which pleases them both before the day of the babies’ arrival.