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Groom Asks If He’d Be Wrong To Make Groomsmen Shave For His Wedding At Fiancée’s Request

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Everyone has their own vision for how their wedding day will go: the colors chosen, the flowers, the music, who will attend.

But most don’t have a strong opinion about facial hair, pointed out the “Am I the A**hole?” (AITA) subReddit.

Redditor Flewduhcoop wondered, however, if he and his bride would be in the wrong for asking their groomsmen to appear at their wedding clean-shaven.

Because some of wedding party had beards, the Original Poster (OP) wondered if that would be asking too much.

He asked the sub:

“WIBTA (Would I Be the A**hole) for making my groomsmen shave for my wedding?” 

The OP’s fiancée had a strong opinion about facial hair. 

“I’m getting married in a few months and there is a bit of a running joke among my friends that I am much more attractive with a beard.”

“My fiancée does not see it this way (and after all, she is the one that matters), so I have largely been clean-shaven for the last several years.”

The bride had specific requirements for the wedding day.

“My fiancée sent out an itinerary for the groomsmen on the day of the wedding and one of the notes involved being ‘clean-shaven.'”

“My friends assumed that meant, essentially, clean up and don’t look sloppy – but my fiancé does in fact mean, please be clean-shaven for pictures, etc.”

“Of the groomsmen, one does have a longer, fuller beard than the rest, going on several years. My fiancé did say this person could be exempted.”

“However, another friend who has not ‘shaved’ in years (i.e. fully clean-shaven) but rather trims his stubble down every few days or so, is not exempt. He considers this a beard/style.”

The OP had mixed feelings.

“I don’t think my friends look sloppy with beards/stubble, but she does, so here we are.”

“For me, it’s not that big of a deal to shave for one day, and my fiancé is very firm on this.”

“Objectively I don’t care either way, but I have her back.”

“WIBTA making them do this?”

“Is she being a bridezilla?”

“I’ve heard of many instances of what brides make their bridesmaids do, and I don’t think this even on the same spectrum, but I need an outside opinion.”

Fellow Redditors weighed in:

  • NTA: Not the A**hole
  • YTA: You’re the A**hole
  • ESH: Everybody Sucks Here
  • NAH: No A**holes Here

Some said they were a bridezilla and a groomzilla.

“Most people who haven’t been clean shaved for a long time generally have a pretty scraped up face too and often cut themselves because they usually have to shave a couple of times.”

“I wouldn’t even recommend shaving right before a major event. Either a week before and then keep shaving giving the face time to heal it better yet let it be?”

“Wouldn’t you want for your family and friends to enjoy themselves and for them to feel they look nice? Clearly for them, it’s beards, or they wouldn’t have them.” – JuryNo7670

“Setting aside for a second that I don’t feel like OP or his fiancé have any right to dictate the groomsmen’s facial hair beyond ‘clean it up,’ asking people to radically alter their reliable look right before a major event is asking for trouble.”

“OP, ask your fiancé whether she’d rather have stubble or a bloody mess.”

“And ask yourself how your relationship with these guys is going to be if you allow yourself to become the enforcer of unreasonable demands.”

“YWBTA, both of you.” – Vilnius_Nastavnik

“YTA.”

“She is absolutely being a bridezilla. If your friends normally wear a beard – making them shave it for one day to please a woman they aren’t marrying is ridiculous.” – Zestyclose_Meeting_8

“It doesn’t make sense to want your closest friends to not look like themselves in your wedding pics??”

“Years down the line people will go, who is that groomsman? Because Jeff or whatever doesn’t look like that normally.”

“Ridiculous.” – WrongSeason

Others said the OP needed to make a choice.

“He needs to present this as a joint decision to his friends or he needs to push back to his partner on behalf of his friends to say this is unreasonable. He’s doing neither.” – bofh

“YWBTA. You cannot ask people to radically change their appearance for your wedding. You can ask them to wear specific clothes and be clean and well-groomed, but demanding that people cut or color their hair or shave or grow beards is so beyond what’s acceptable to ask.”

“Your groomsmen are there to represent your community of friends who will witness and support your marriage. They’re not there to be perfect dress-up dolls so that pictures look a certain way.”

“Your fiance is way out of line and while I appreciate you having her back, you also have a responsibility to explain how you will not be supporting every preposterous and disrespectful idea she comes up with.”

“This is absolutely one you need to push back on. If your fiance is so superficial that she would demand that you not have your closest friends stand next to you at this ceremony because she doesn’t like how they look, she’s showing you that she prizes appearances over substance and you would do well to pay attention to this character flaw in her.”

“Do not ask your friends to do this. It’s outrageous.” – ghostforest

Some pointed out that the OP wasn’t being a good partner right now.

“As someone who hates the stubble look (cleanshaven or beard, both can look really good) because I do think it’s sloppy…”

“This ceremony is both of yours, not just hers. Either you stand up to her, or you present a united front with her.”

“You’re not doing either. YTA for letting her dictate what should be your decision, and YTA for throwing her under the bus.” – PrideofCapetown

“YTA. She is being a bridezilla, and you are trying to deflect blame to her.”

“This is a good way to make your friends think you value wedding photos over their friendship. I’d tell you to go to h**l.” – roncag0

“The OP may not be throwing his bride under the bus, but he is chucking her toward it.”

“She IS the one that wants it done but he’s acting like he has no part in the decision and she’s the one to blame.”

“YTA” – Nightlilly2021

The OP was totally undecided about whether or not to side with his bride, which the subReddit took major issue with. They confirmed that he absolutely needed to choose a side, and to take accountability for it, but they also added, if he chose to agree with his bride, he would likely be losing his groomsmen, if not friends.

Written by McKenzie Lynn Tozan

McKenzie Lynn Tozan lives in North Chicago, where she works as a poet, freelance writer, and editor. She received her MFA in Creative Writing from Western Michigan University, and her BA in English from Indiana University South Bend. Her poems have appeared in Rogue Agent, Whale Road Review, the James Franco Review, Thank You for Swallowing, and elsewhere; and her essays and book reviews have appeared with Memoir Mixtapes, The Rumpus, BookPage, and Motherly, among others. When she's not reading and writing, she's in her garden or spending time with her family. For more, visit www.mckenzielynntozan.com.