What is it about weddings that seems to bring out the worst in so many people?
There’s drama around when, where and who wears what. While some people manage to keep things civil, way too many nuptials lead to issues with family and friends.
A bride-to-be is finding herself in conflict with her future sister-in-law over her upcoming wedding plans, so she turned to the “Am I The A**hole” (AITA) subReddit for feedback.
“AITA for not letting my niece wear white at my wedding?”
The original poster (OP) explained:
“My partner and I are getting married in February.”
“On Christmas Day my soon to be sister-in-law asked if her 5-year-old daughter could wear a white dress to the wedding. She told me it was in a shop front in our local shopping centre.”
“I was so stunned I didn’t really respond either way. Afterwards I told my partner and he said he would speak to his sister.”
“Today I saw the dress and it is basically a wedding dress, big and white tulle with a detailed floral lace body.”
“This is after she asked us to order her daughter a flower crown so that she can have flowers to match mine.”
“She isn’t a flower girl, we aren’t having any bridal party as part of our day.”
“AITA for wanting to tell her no and refusing to get her a flower crown?”
The OP summed up their conundrum.
“I know she is only 5 years old and this is the dress that she picked.”
“I’m also going to be her aunt, so maybe it is mean of me to not let a little girl wear the dress that she wants to her uncles wedding.”
Redditors weighed in by declaring:
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
The majority of Redditors thought the OP was not the a**hole (NTA)…
“NTA. This is flower girl by stealth.”
“You say you aren’t having a flower girl… so you don’t want someone there dressed the part. You also aren’t having a Santa’s Elf, a Fairy Godmother or a Ring Master. It’s not a costume dress up wedding is it?”
“So your niece can come in any pretty little dress she owns, she can wear flowers in her hair, but she is politely requested not to come dressed as though she’s part of the bridal party.” ~ Particular-Try5584
“I had a flower girl by stealth and it pissed me off and ruined my wedding photos.”
“I had a small wedding and asked my one friend who had a kid to please not bring her because it was only 30 people so a toddler would be distracting. Well she brought kiddo anyway and dressed her in my wedding colors.”
“I think she thought I’d see kiddo and change my mind, but we only had two people in our wedding party and did not want a flower girl. Besides my path was down a long windy staircase so I didn’t need a baby tripping everywhere.”
“Well kiddo was running around and my family and my other friend who was acting as photographer took all sorts of pictures of this kid. I ended up with 20 pictures of a friend’s kid and only three of my own mother.”
“Your fiancé needs to have a serious talk with his sister and shut this down. NTA.”
“I mean, ultimately I had a beautiful wedding and I didn’t notice the kid too much on the day of, she was quiet, but I’m still annoyed looking at my pictures.” ~ Sweetsmyle
“NTA. This happened to a friend of mine.”
“Her sister ‘surprised’ her with her niece wearing a dress almost identical to the bride and a basket of flowers.”
“Half the photographs are of her. My friend was livid.” ~ maybe_little_pinch
…but a few disagreed (YTA).
“YTA. I will never understand this obsession with guests not wearing white at weddings and brides getting bent out of shape over who is going to wear what. Some clown came up with the notion and then it became law?”
“Give me a break. There were several young ladies who wore white at my wedding and it never occured to me that something was wrong and they did not take the attention away from me as a bride.”
“Also, I have a little 4-year-old niece who has quite a few princess style dresses in different colors, including white. She wore the white one at a recent wedding where there were no flower girls, just a handful of bridesmaids.”
“No one saw anything wrong with this and, in fact, the bride wanted a photo with my niece at the reception.”
“Chill out OP.”
“You are going a little overboard calling this dress ‘basically a wedding dress’. It’s not. It’s a princess dress for little girls who like to dress up and be all pretty.”
“Do you really want to create family drama over what a 5-year-old is going to wear at your wedding?” ~ Ok_Smoke_1056
“YTA—really, you’re jealous of a 5-year-old.”
“Don’t give me that ‘it’s my big day and all eyes should be on me’ crap. Get over yourself.” ~ Tetchy9999
“Definitely YTA! For God’s sake she is 5!”
“So what if she wore white. In my culture every LITTLE girl invited to a wedding wears white! It’s every girls dream to play dress up as a bride.”
“She won’t take the attention off of you. She is just a baby.”
“The attention would be positive… Like how cute that girl is and how amazing that the bride invites kids and let them wear white. It would also make a great picture with her.”
“Like how self centered can you be to be jealous of a 5-year-old.” ~ former_child_1
However most Redditors felt the dress and flower crown were all about mom, not the 5-year-old.
“NTA. What a weird request. There is no way a 5-year-old would just want to be a flower girl without the mother saying something about it.”
“This is future sister-in-law (FSIL) looking for attention and some free photos of her daughter dressed up. Nip this behavior in the bud now.” ~ whatisevenleft
“Is your future SIL trying to make her daughter your flower girl? Be clear on there being no bridal/groom party of any kind. This goes with there being no flower girl/ring bearer.”
“A five-year-old isn’t going to be detailed oriented to want this particular gown in white and crown to match your flowers.”
“The mother on the other hand will notice the details and play a huge part in things.”
“Food for thought: You could take your future niece dress shopping yourself. It would be fun bonding day, and she won’t end up with a white dress.” ~ Dry_Dragonfruit_4191
“OP isn’t having a bridal party or flower girls. No reason for the niece to be dressed up in a mini wedding dress with a flower crown matching OPs bouquet.”
“It’s especially rude for the SIL to just demand these things and assuming her daughter will have any role in the wedding without being asked by OP first.”
“Sounds like SIL just wants to find a way to get attention on her and her own child on OPs day. NTA.” ~ Specialist_Point1980
“NTA. It’s rude and entitled of your FSIL to demand that you buy her daughter a hair accessory (plus it would probably be expensive given that it would be made by a florist and included in the wedding florals).”
“That plus the white dress thing definitely sounds like she’s trying to make her daughter a covert flower girl.”
“5 years old would be a good age for your future sister-in-law (FSIL) to teach your niece that it’s not polite to wear white to someone else’s wedding.”
“It’s probably beyond time someone taught your FSIL that it’s not polite to try to shoehorn her kid into a nonexistent wedding party too.” ~ GenericAnnonymous
“I would stop including your SIL in wedding conversations about what you’re wearing, etc… as well.” ~ MaybeYesNah
“NTA. Maybe ask for an aunty niece shopping trip to find ‘the perfect dress’ for her to wear. Give her the ‘princess for a day’ treatment and tell her how pretty she is going to look in the outfit you and her picked out together.”
“Take a photo and show your future mother-in-law (FMIL) and gush at how pretty she will look in the photos. Basically, try and make it impossible for future sister-in-law (FSIL) to put her in anything else because it’s ‘not what aunty picked out’.”
“Maybe even post a photo of the two of you stuffing your faces at a food court to commemorate the day (with permission of course) and tag it as ‘found a gorgeous (colour) dress for niece today. She is going to look adorable at the wedding’ so that way if FSIL does put her in white people will see her real intentions.”
“You don’t have to go that route, of course, but it might be a fun day for you too and might help relieve some stress, at least for the day.
“Whatever happens don’t let FSIL’s actions deny your niece an awesome aunty cause if her mum is as bad as she sounds in the post, niece will need a separate female role model to even her out.” ~ Environmental_Art591
OP’s wedding, OP’s rules.
But maybe the fiancé should handle this situation with his sister.