Redditor Early_Elevator_2311 and their college friend had some plastic surgery in college.
It wasn’t anything particularly “hush-hush” as the Original Poster’s (OP’s) friend often brought it up in conversations.
However, recently the OP found out their friend’s husband had no idea about the surgery.
And they found this out the hard way.
This led to tension between the OP and their friend, driving the OP to subReddit “Am I the A**hole?” (AITA).
The OP asked:
“AITA for exposing my friend’s plastic surgery in front of her husband?”
They went on to explain.
“So I have a friend who, when we were in college, got some work done.”
“It was known to everyone, and she never had a problem sharing with people and giving them tips on who to go to, the aftermath and everything.”
“We are now 30, and the whole friend group knows, and whenever she meets new people, she tells them (or so she told me).”
“Yesterday she invited me to her and her husband’s, and we were playing some old video tapes and pictures of our memories, and we were reminiscing the past and everything.”
“Until a photo of her pre-surgery appeared and her husband was like ‘Oh, she looks so different’ so I was like ‘Oh, it must’ve been pre-surgery’.”
“He was like, ‘what surgery?’ I looked at him, then at her, then she tried to deflect the situation, but the setting was awkward for the rest of the night.”
“Apparently, she dated him and married him, but she lied about getting work done, and he believed her. After I left, he demanded answers which forced her to tell the truth.”
“She called me today saying I am the AH for exposing her, but I was like, ‘how could’ve known you lied to him when you are always upfront about it?’”
“Like if she doesn’t mention it herself, she expects me to mention it on her behalf to other people we meet…except her husband.”
“I also told her she invited me to view our old photos; why didn’t she just give me heads up about it like she knew old photos pre-surgery would appear.”
“She hung up on me, saying she doesn’t wanna know me anymore and that I am a terrible secret keeper.”
The OP was left to wonder,
“AITA?”
Redditors weighed in by declaring:
-
- NTA – Not The A**hole
- YTA – You’re The A**hole
- NAH – No A**holes Here
- ESH – Everyone Sucks Here
Redditors decided:
“How can you keep a secret when it was never a secret to being with?”
“NTA.” – LemonFoam01
“NTA”
“The trouble with lying is trying to keep track of said lies.”
“She has obviously known since before she married her husband that he doesn’t know, and she doesn’t plan on telling him.”
“She could have warned you and everyone but she didn’t. In fact, she should have just told him the truth in the beginning. Then the sh*t wouldn’t hath hitteth the fan.”
“EDIT: Some people are saying that you should have picked up on the clue when he was surprised that she looked so different. But her cover could have been blown several times over.”
“Her friends could have let it slip at any time, like prior to the wedding, during the wedding reception or any social event.”
“He could have called her friends to arrange a surprise birthday party for her. The possibilities are endless.” – LoveBeach8
“NTA”
“What sort of psycho tells everyone about the work she had done and not her husband, and then doesn’t bother telling the people she knows that her husband doesn’t know and not to tell him.”
“OP’s friend is the only a**hole here.” – inFinEgan
“NTA”
“Not your fault she tells the whole village but not her husband.”
“Also, its not a secret if you tell everyone. She’s an AH.” – Schafer_Isaac
“‘Am I the a**hole because my friend lied to her husband and didn’t keep me in the loop’”
“So clearly NTA, lol.” – Feroshnikop
“Nta, she’s mad at herself, and it’s easier to blame you than her. Honestly, not a great trait in a friend.”
“Clearly, it would have come up with the old pictures, so I think she probably felt guilty, wanted it to come out but didn’t want to pull the trigger.” – l3ex_G
“NTA – just as you said it yourself. How are you supposed to know that she lied to her husband?”
“Has he never seen pictures of her when she was younger before? If everyone except him knew, he was bound to find out one day.”
“How long have they been married? He’s probably more upset that she told him a bald-faced lie rather than that she had surgery.” – Visual-Lobster6625
“NTA”
“Sounds like something else is in play…simple logic would have her telling you to keep it a secret or tell him.”
“Or maybe he is psychotically against plastic surgery, which would be odd, but who knows.” – tombiowami
“NTA, and this is so weird. Did he make some early comment about being anti-plastic surgery or something, and she just never had the nerve to tell him?”
“How on earth would she think he would never find out when all of her friends know, setting aside the fact that she *specifically arranged to view old photos with you and him?”
“(*And where were all the embarrassing childhood photos at their wedding?) She made her bed, and now she’s lying in it.” – Ashamed_Ad4280
“Good grief, NTA. It wasn’t a secret so you had no reason to keep it! She did this to herself.”
“She’s deflecting blame on you because she got caught in a lie. Is her husband anti-cosmetic surgery or something?”
“Otherwise, why would she be open to everyone but him?! So weird.”
“Edit to add, I’m sure it hurts that she claims she ‘doesn’t want to know you anymore’ over a problem she caused.”
“If you want to try to save the friendship, you could try writing her a letter, basically saying what you said here.”
“And adding that if you had any idea she was keeping this thing a secret from her husband, you wouldn’t have said anything.”
“But you had no reason to think that based on her history of WANTING it talked about.”
“Also, I’d be worried she’s going to lie some more and trash talk about you to mutual friends. You might want to get ahead of that and give them a heads up.”
“You could send it as a warning- give them a heads up that she just dumped you as a friend because you didn’t know the topic of her surgery that she’d broadly spread far and wide was evidently a secret from her husband and you had no idea.”
“Let them know to be cautious about what they say around him.” – EconomyVoice7358
“YTA. You’re not wrong for assuming he knew, but you’re wrong for bringing it up with people before she does.”
“As someone who tells EVERYONE about their plastic surgery, I’d be pissed if my friend did this. Just because I’m open about it doesn’t mean you can be.”
“If she doesn’t initiate the plastic surgery conversation, you definitely shouldn’t be doing it.”
“If someone were to compliment her face, would you say ‘oh that’s the plastic surgery!’?” – gravely-train
“mostly NTA, but I kinda feel like when her husband was surprised at the photo, saying she looked so different, it should have been common sense for you to recognize he clearly didn’t know about her surgery.”
“Maybe not so smart to bring it up” – Full-Calligrapher-61
“I might get downvoted for this but ESH – she should have been honest with her husband, and you need to stop talking about other people’s medical procedures, cosmetic or not.” – halibel33
“I think you may be over-egging the “known to everyone” aspect. Otherwise, I would have expected it to come out way sooner than it did.”
“I think you are over-egging it to deflect that you opened your mouth without thinking.”
“No judgment from me, but you haven’t mentioned whether you apologized or not because you should.”
“YTA” – MisoRamenSoup
“YTA. You don’t mention or bring up anyone else’s personal medical history, including cosmetic surgery. Even if they have disclosed it in the past, that is their call to make, not yours.”
“If They want to talk about it or disclose it, then that’s fine. But you should never assume it is OK to disclose this type of information.”
“Discretion is what is missing here.” – h2ogal
“Not sure if you’re the a**hole. How, after dating and getting married, has not a single person mentioned it to the husband or in his presence before now if it was such an openly discussed topic?”
“Or perhaps she was open about it at the time and hasn’t felt the need to bring it up lately. Maybe she’s embarrassed about it but can’t hide it from those who already know?”
“If you didn’t know the husband was unaware, then why did you say “must have been pre surgery’.”
“Feels like you would have been like, ‘yeah she does’ or ‘still just as beautiful’ without bringing up the surgery thing.”
“I’m gonna lean more towards YTA, especially if she’s gotten upset with you/ maybe you missed something here” – Illustrious-Big-5872
Big whoops, OP.